Husband says he's 'relieved' when we have a ready meal instead of me cooking

[Coralinea]

My husband and I sometimes cook from scratch, and sometimes have a ready meal (for the oven, such as a fish pie).

I've always really liked cooking. If we cook anything from scratch, it's normally me who cooks, and we normally eat a bit later (closer to 8pm than 7pm) because of the prep. I like making things like curries and pasta bakes, and I experiment with new things.

The other day, my husband said he feels 'relieved' when we have a ready meal, because we eat earlier and there's no clanking around of pans and extra washing up (though we have a big dishwasher that does most of this).

AIBU to feel really annoyed he said this, and to feel like I just don't want to cook for him anymore? I feel like if it's not ready before 7.30, then he's annoyed it's 'late' and would prefer a ready meal.

That said I'm usually home by 4pm, working pt has an upside, and it's not pay!

Also choose some home cooked meals that don’t take long to cook. Not everything has to take hours to cook. You can stick some salmon in the oven (I like it with a mix of soy sauce & honey with chilli flakes on top), some sweet potatoes wedges and veg. That takes 20wks to cook. I just leave the skin on the sweet potatoes. Or you could have that with a baked sweet potato. Most of the dishes I cook my son are quick, lots of pasta meals, usually with cream. Pesto pasta with pine nuts and chicken is another quick dinner

My midweek home cooked meals can be on the table sooner than a cooked in the oven readymade fish pie. 35/40 min?

What are you cooking that takes so long?

I don't think anyone is morally superior either for eating early or later. Both are valid preferences. I find it disagrees with me if I eat late - 7:30 is really the absolute latest I want to be starting eating.

I don't think your husband was criticising your cooking OP.

Loving alll the faux shock horror at eating 'earlier' at 6 or 7 🤣 We eat as a family in the eveing and the kids would be chewing their arms off if we left it until 8pm to eat. I'm starving when I get in from work and like to have the evening meal asap otherwise I would pick at stuff and snack and ruin my appetite. Each to their own and all that.

Yabu. It really annoys me when people 'love to cook' have that means means become all about them and their wants and then you have to clean up after their hobby. It's different obviously if you're cooking things they want to eat but that's not the case here.

I'd split the cooking duties personally. Half the time you cook what you want when you want and then clean up after it as well. Half the time he gets to cook his ready meals earlier and clean up after them.

@Coralinea - when do you get home from work?
How long does it take you to cook a meal?

Cut the drama he’s hungry and would like his meal earlier that’s all

obviously I must be going against the grain but some nights in bed at 10 I wouldn’t want a meal a few hours before I go to bed

also by the time you’ve eaten cleared up it must be past 9 before you can sit down and relax

This.

I try to get dinner served at 7.30 so I finish by 8, because I do 12-8 IF.

Finish work at 5 and wfh, so all preference, not commuting etc.

to be honest - I would not wait until 8pm. I'd have eaten few sandwiches by then and call it a day

if someone is not into cooking and bothered about home-cooked meals than literally having to wait for them while they'd be happy with Aldi pizza is really no fun

I agree with the suggestions to pre-prepare in some way - either batch cooking, or literally staggering the preparation so that e.g on Monday night you're actually working on prep for Tuesday night's dinner while Monday's cooks (quickly, because you already had it all ready to whack in the oven) - that way you still get to potter in the kitchen and he still gets to eat relatively quickly.

I also seem to recall that current advice around gut health is to 'start your meal with plants' so I'd consider having something vegetable-based you can both snack on ahead of the main event (carrot sticks and hummus, or whatever) to stave off any immediate hunger. (And probably then drop the main course portion size a smidge to take that into account.)

I eat at 18.30 because it’s supposed to be better for your digestion than eating later. My preference would be two hours later. Maybe your husband could cook if he wants to eat earlier.

He could always cook himself if you're too busy to get dinner done "on time"

I'm with him re the timing though. I'd be starving by 8 and would already have just had a sandwich.

I used to love cooking from scratch and didn’t mind the tidying up afterwards, but children have turned pleasure into relentless drudgery. Similarly when busy at work sometimes you just want food-as-fuel without the Sisyphean nature of “hang on, I have to prep, cook, eat, wash up, only to unload the dishwasher then buy more food to do it all over again, every day?! Adulthood SUCKS”. Sometimes the answer IS posh ready meal, or boiled egg and soldiers – you get so much more evening for other things when there’s practically zero cleanup, you hoover the food in, and it’s all done and dusted by 8pm. I’m not remotely offended when DP suggests takeaway or whatever instead of me cooking (I’m the weeknight cook, he’s the washer-upper): the goal is eating and an easy life, not “subtly insult pelargoniums”.

In ideal world I’d eat at 7.30pm by candlelight with a properly laid table – actually, no, if I’m making shit up let’s go hog wild and eat at 9pm in Paris. But the reality is often “with the kids at 5 like my northern grandma, then stuff cheese and crackers in my face at 8 before collapsing into bed”. I don’t think your DH is BU to make a passing remark about a ready meal; I’m not sure I’d give it brain space.

@circlesand isn't the point though that if he's hungry he can get himself some food? He is a grown up, after all.

Why don't you batch cook at the weekend , freeze the meals and voila, you have a home cooked ready meal at 6.30 pm each evening

Sorry OP I’m kind of with your DH - not on the ready meals as they are usually crap and full of UPFs, but wanting to eat at a certain time and not being able to because the chef has decided to make something ‘fancy’ that takes ages.

i tend to do the cooking, for DH and two DSs. They’ve all made it clear that, for various reasons, they prefer to eat early-ish - ideally by 7pm. Because eating together as a family is a priority for us, as is avoiding processed meals / everyone eating different things, I try to get dinner on the table just before 7pm. I don’t choose to cook anything through the week that will take longer than this. As a result, I batch cook at weekends and have a repertoire of easy, quick meals to make during the week.

I guess it depends how you want to live. That seems a bit of a callous way to be with your spouse. Eating together is a major fixture of life for me and my DH.

I'm not sure OP was looking for cooking advice. Regarding the comment, it sounds insensitive if you feel you are making extra effort for him etc but it's OK to want to eat earlier and to not want lots of clearing up. Perhaps ask him to sort out the evening meal half the time.

I would add that I’ve been on the other side of this: it’s really frustrating, as an adult, to be tired and hungry and just want to eat, while your spouse is clanking away in the kitchen making some complicated recipe. When you just want to eat your tea and relax. We save the time-consuming curries for the weekend, when starting earlier / eating later is less of an issue.

I like to eat pretty sharpish when I get home from work. I cook but easy things on work nights. Bit of pan fried salmon, cous cous, and some greens type stuff. Takes about 15 minutes. Not much washing up. If you want do the curry, pasta bake at the weekend. Freeze and you can have it instead of a ready meal.

We also eat between 7 and 8. Totally normal in my experience and
knowing what friends and family do.

Cooking from scratch is so much healthier than serving ultra processed ready meals. Keep doing it OP and maybe enlist the help of your DH. He could sort the pots as you go!!!

Get a better hobby.

YANBU

We eat at 8pm or later most nights as there's always someone doing sports

And we don't get home from work til around 6.30 most days