Husband says he's 'relieved' when we have a ready meal instead of me cooking

[Coralinea]

My husband and I sometimes cook from scratch, and sometimes have a ready meal (for the oven, such as a fish pie).

I've always really liked cooking. If we cook anything from scratch, it's normally me who cooks, and we normally eat a bit later (closer to 8pm than 7pm) because of the prep. I like making things like curries and pasta bakes, and I experiment with new things.

The other day, my husband said he feels 'relieved' when we have a ready meal, because we eat earlier and there's no clanking around of pans and extra washing up (though we have a big dishwasher that does most of this).

AIBU to feel really annoyed he said this, and to feel like I just don't want to cook for him anymore? I feel like if it's not ready before 7.30, then he's annoyed it's 'late' and would prefer a ready meal.

he got no sense of appreciation of your effort

do his own cooking

cook ur own nice meal

What's to stop him putting a ready meal in the oven?! Delegate some nights for him to do this

I set off for work at 7am and go to bed around 9/9:30 , I'm sorry if it's some sort of out dated faux pas but I'd be starving if I had to wait until 8 to eat and certainly cba with dealing with the pots afterwards I'm 100% in wind down mode by 8.
Do the Ergh imagine eating before 8pm crew also call it 'super'.

I'm sorry OP I wouldn't take this personally it's not a criticism of your cooking and I'm not sure what you would prefer him to do here, sit quietly starving and irritated so as not to offend you ?Yes if it was a one off special meal you were doing that ran over time, no if it was a Tuesday tea and he just wants to eat, clear up and chill.

The current trend in healthy eating is fasting for 14 hours and not eating for a good few hours before bed. Definitely not an 1975 thing.

8 is very late. We eat at 6 latest and I batch cook so it’s quick, less mess, less cooking smells etc

This, op!!!

Agreed. We eat at 8.30-9! When the in-laws are over, it’s brutal for us as we eat at 6 😵

I was wondering that. As a child my parents didn't even get home before 18:30. I think after 21:00 is too late for me.

Everyone is different though. OP I'd just stop cooking for your husband as it's not appreciated

The horror! 😮

Op I reckon this isn’t a criticism of your cooking as such, I don’t think he was being deliberately rude so I think YABU to take it so personally. At best he was probably trying to say “don’t worry about it, you don’t need to go to so much trouble” or at worst he was making a factual comment that eating so late doesn’t suit him in a practical way.

My suggestion would be to meal plan op and batch cook for freezer, or cook once and eat twice, so that you are a couple of days ahead each time you eat eg roast a chicken on Sunday to have cold with veg or salad the next day. Take your time at the weekends to make a very good tomato sauce with lots of veg (or a very good bolognese sauce) for your freezer and eat with pasta during the week. Make a ratatouille and have it with rice one day and fish the next. So the actual meal can be on the table much quicker but it’s still home made?

Next time you cook a meal OP, give him a Pot Noodle

YAN(really)Bu, your DH’s phrasing was a bit unfortunate.

But your DH probably didn’t mean to hurt you (unless he has form, but that would be a different discussion).
He probably simply prefers to eat earlier. And it is fairly normal to prefer not having to “clank around with pans” or have extra washing up, to be honest. Is it possible that he would rather spend quality time with you / your family instead?

My mother is from a culture where it’s normal to eat late(er), 8 would be completely normal (rather early actually).

But I personally honestly don’t like it either. I’m usually starving if I wait that long, which makes me overeat. And I wake up early, which means that I prefer to get to bed early and not right after having eaten.

we try to have a small kitchen supper most evenings unless we go out afterwards. Some steamed veggies, a big salad etc. I also like to reheat soup, especially in winter. Make it on Sunday evening, freeze a few portions for later and have the rest of it on Monday and Tuesday evening.

No fuss, super quick, still homemade.
If that won’t work for you I’d second PP’s suggestions re: batch cooking, food prep etc.

I am 100% continental and strongly prefer to eat before 20:30 😂😂

I agree that you have taken this a bit personally. There's nothing wrong at all IMO at eating at 8pm, but some people do prefer to eat earlier and there's nothing wrong with that either. He's not said anything critical about your cooking (which you would be right to be upset about), he's just expressed a preference for eating earlier on a weekday. Have a chat with him and discuss possible compromises (some quick meals and some from scratch each week? Batch cooking at weekend? Cook and eat your food separately some nights?).

When I used to get home later or if DH is home later, we could easily be eating at gone 8pm. But if I am home before then, I would choose to eat earlier. And if there is a lot of banging around and I have to clean up the kitchen afterwards, then I think I might also be relieved to be having something easier, quicker and quieter too. I think what he has said is quite reasonable and not at all offensive.

Does he do half of the cooking? Does he do any of the cooking?

I just don't eat that time of the evening because it's just too late for me and I'll be awake with heartburn all night. I'd be relieved too. I'd have no problem if it was prepared earlier so perhaps look at ways you can do the prep the previous evening so it doesn't take so long to cook.

I'd be starving if I had to eat that late, and obviously so is he.

I suppose he's struggling to wait until 8pm to eat, which is fair enough if that is quite late for him and he's hungry.

Maybe he didn't say it in the most tactful way but being hungry is fair enough.

Could you do your cooking experiments at the weekend, or on days when you know you can have it ready a bit earlier?

You could batch cook for week nights.

Lol yeah I couldn’t eat at 8pm, I like to go to bed early and have a relaxing evening watching TV or go out walking. I know some people eat late but it’s healthier to eat earlier unless you go to bed at midnight or something, which to me is way too late on work nights

I find anything after 7pm causes me to have heartburn so I get the need to eat early. That said there's no reason why you can't cook from scratch in the time it takes to back a ready meal in the oven / they typically take 25-30 minutes. Try Jamie Oliver's 15 minute meals for inspiration but you can cook many pasta dishes in 20 minutes, also think couscous based dishes, fish is a great one eg a basic fish curry takes me 25 minutes completely from scratch, but I love just pan fried fish, baby potatoes, samphire and hollandais sauce (I buy the sauce)

I don't want to be faffing about clearing up after 8pm on week night either. I'm up at 6 am, I need to be in bed by 10, where's the evening?

I like cooking, but I do it when there's time and freeze extra so there's a home cooked meal during the week.

OP said that she does most of the cooking. Maybe he does other things/ cleaning etc, we don't know.

I don't think you can make the assumption from the OP that he is a lazy layabout who doesn't contribute - maybe he is but OP hasn't said that.

He's allowed to be hungry - 8pm is quite late for dinner.

Much too late for us.

I’m not sure I’d be starving as I’d equally adjust my other meals BUT those that eat late, do you equally go to bed late?
if I ate a big meal at 8pm and tried to lay down at 10 it would give me dreadful heartburn.