Husband says he's 'relieved' when we have a ready meal instead of me cooking

[Coralinea]

My husband and I sometimes cook from scratch, and sometimes have a ready meal (for the oven, such as a fish pie).

I've always really liked cooking. If we cook anything from scratch, it's normally me who cooks, and we normally eat a bit later (closer to 8pm than 7pm) because of the prep. I like making things like curries and pasta bakes, and I experiment with new things.

The other day, my husband said he feels 'relieved' when we have a ready meal, because we eat earlier and there's no clanking around of pans and extra washing up (though we have a big dishwasher that does most of this).

AIBU to feel really annoyed he said this, and to feel like I just don't want to cook for him anymore? I feel like if it's not ready before 7.30, then he's annoyed it's 'late' and would prefer a ready meal.

doesn't anyone eat snacks? If you were ready to eat at 7 but had to wait til 7.45pm for instance, could you have a breadstick/apple/a few crisps etc at 7?

This is exactly what we do. DH and I eat dinner late due to his working hours, he generally arrives during DC bedtime so family meal is impossible, plus the DC have clubs every night so their meals fit round those. I usually have a snack to tide me over at kids’ tea time. DH will have a snack when he gets in - cheese and crackers or similar. We then eat dinner around (shock horror) 8.45 or 9pm.

But suggestion for the OP: is batch cooking not an option? If you enjoy cooking, cook a curry at the weekend and freeze it for the week? Then it’s like a home made ready meal….

You need a slow cooker

I would say it's the opposite - unless you are in medical field or engineering job that may require shift work.

At least he’s not saying he doesn’t like your cooking, just that 8pm is a bit late to eat. I’d work on quicker simpler meals in the week and save new or time consuming things for the weekend. Mid week curry - use a sauce sachet rather than chopping all the onions, ginger chilli etc. Pasta - use jar of passata/pesto rather than bechamel bake in the oven. Sea bass fillet and oven chips rather than fish pie. Batch cook at the weekend for a quick midweek spagbol from the freezer.

Also point out to hubby that ready meals are ultra processed and not good for every day so it’s worth trying to cook simple meals from scratch and he should support and help that.

Sounds like it's a bit on the late side for your husband and that's perfectly reasonable.

We're all different and someone's 8pm dinner time might be way too late for someone else.

Batch cooking as others have said is the best of both worlds. I'm with you, cooking from scratch is so important as it won't be ultra processed.

Another idea, get some Gousto or similar boxes as they do all the prep for you and saves time.

He sounds really nice btw, my DH would point blank refuse to wait to eat for that long on a regular basis!

Sounds like he's offered to take over the cooking seeing how he's unhappy with your input

Oh, maybe all the lawyers and accountants and management consultants and lobbyists and PR execs and retail management trainees and IT managers and developers and journalists and civil service fast streamers and recruitment consultants and investment bankers that I went to University with were just making it up when they said they didn't finish till after 7?

maybe, because I work in a very very corporate setting and it's not normal to finish at 7 regularly, most salaried jobs don't pay for overtime and times of pulling extra hours for the team spirit died with covid - it may still be company culture at smaller companies, but that's just bad company culture

and lawyers especially don't work for free

Yes, this is what l thought.

Forget how you "feel". Yes he probably does prefer all the extra salt and sugar of ultra-processed ready made meals. But is that what you want? Just pick the nights you're going to cook for yourself, cook for two and ignore the whining. If all else fails, just cook for yourself and start a secret fund to celebrate when healthy slim you divorces slobby fat husband.

Cook for 3 every other night?
Day 1 he has ready meal at 7, OP has nice meal at 7.45 (or whenever)
Day 2 both of you have nice meal from previous night?

My DH takes an age (and creates loads of clearing up) most times he cooks. On the plus side he always cooks for at least 6 people (there are 4 of us, one who is fussy and doesn't eat a lot) so we have a leftover or use-ups dinner at least once a week. Yesterday there was a choice of 3 meals!

Why don’t you batch cook meals and freeze them to make your own ready meals? That way you get a quicker meal if you are home later and can cook more when you are home earlier. If I was going 1pm until 8pm without my dinner I’d prob be a bit impatient too 🙈

You have literally no idea. Lawyers do not work for their clients for free, that is correct. They are, however, subject to chargeable hours targets set by their firms and it is impossible to meet those and go home /finish WFH before 7 every day, because they also have a lot of things to do which are non chargeable (businsss development, filling timesheets, people management, value add client training preparation etc). there are also immoveable deadlines like completions and filing deadlines. And working with people on the West Coast of the US. Overtime is not paid because the salaries are high to reflect the long hours culture. You confuse a corporate environment with a professional services one, not the same at all. The beauty of being in a corporate is that you are the client and you outsource all this stuff to your service providers to do, so you can go home at 5.

depends on the corporation and type of services provided, most big companies have rules that if you work overtime you can take that time back, so if I happen to work a 10h day (as it happens during busy periods), I can cut an hour or two from the next less busy day

I would assume there are also differences between London (competitive, awful work-life balance) and everywhere else

in any case it is not a mark or particular success to work until 7pm

I don’t believe that I ever claimed that working till 7pm was a “mark of success”? I simply explained that it was common for people in highly paid jobs, as there was an element of disbelief that it could possibly happen absent modern slavery. You seem determined to get into some sort of one-upmanship scenario here?

I'm like yoru DH. I don't enjoy cooking. I don't enjoy cleaning up. I don't particularly enjoy eating really. I would be happy with a ready meal because it's just less palaver. I'm married to a foodie though who uses every pan in the kitchen making elaborate meals for me, which is kind of his love language. We've found a middle ground.

I don’t believe that I ever claimed that working till 7pm was a “mark of success”? I simply explained that it was common for people in highly paid jobs

And some not so highly paid jobs. The university I work at has a teaching day that runs from 9am to 7pm.

i'm simply saying that there are a lot of people in highly paid job who are not working until 7pm, that's all

people in this thread were weirdly defensive of their later dinner and tried to justify it with their work, even suggesting, like you just did, that it's a norm for highly

as if time of dinner even needed justification - eat whenever, but remember that you're not an only person with a high salary or with friends with high salaries

It depends what time you go to bed I suppose. We eat between 5.30-6 so we can eat with the kids and they can still go to bed at 7.30-8.

Tell him he can start making the tea any time he likes.

it’s like banging your head against a brick wall.

@ChristianHornersGlisteningFinger i can imagine trying to defend your meal times when nobody criticised them can feel like that ... would you like an ice pack?

I cook from scratch every day but I don’t actually prep and cook everything in the evening. I build a meal plan every few days and make sure all the components are prepared in the morning or night before so I can chuck it together in the evening. Things like shepherd’s pie can be pretty much assembled in full to just put in the oven, curries taste way better after a couple of days for the flavours to deepen anyway, stir fries can have all the veggies/protein/noodles chopped and sauce mixed in different bowls to throw in at the right times. For days I’m in the office, I precook things that can be nuked at work and eaten on the way home (curries/stews/roasted veggie salads in summer etc) and make a couple of different loaves of bread and a big batch of grains on a Sunday to see us through. I just look to see where those times are in my office/home schedule to do it and, on the weeks I’m in all week, everything gets prepped the weekend before. Eat dinner every day between 5-6pm. Maybe a bit of a snack at around 7.30pm but not usually. If we didn’t eat until 8.30pm, there’d be murder in our house as we both get hangry 🤣

We have a kiddo w an 8 pm bedtime so eating at 8/8:30 is out of the question (and family meals are important!). But batch cooking and fast meals help. We cook most nights and manage to eat by 7.