Husband says he's 'relieved' when we have a ready meal instead of me cooking

[Coralinea]

My husband and I sometimes cook from scratch, and sometimes have a ready meal (for the oven, such as a fish pie).

I've always really liked cooking. If we cook anything from scratch, it's normally me who cooks, and we normally eat a bit later (closer to 8pm than 7pm) because of the prep. I like making things like curries and pasta bakes, and I experiment with new things.

The other day, my husband said he feels 'relieved' when we have a ready meal, because we eat earlier and there's no clanking around of pans and extra washing up (though we have a big dishwasher that does most of this).

AIBU to feel really annoyed he said this, and to feel like I just don't want to cook for him anymore? I feel like if it's not ready before 7.30, then he's annoyed it's 'late' and would prefer a ready meal.

No, l don’t think l do!

Lots work from home, l don’t know anyone who does shifts. Dh works 35 miles away, but is always home by about 5.45. Some work in schools. Dont know anyone who works in city centre.

😂😂😂. Try farming at lambing season then report back when your meal times were. ‘Childified’ FFS.

So you like cooking, he likes to eat earlier with less mess. Now that you know that you don't want to cook for him any more.
Makes perfect sense, then everyone is happy?
You can be annoyed about it, but your solution sounds perfectly reasonable compromise to me.
Of course if one or both of you want to eat together, then some compromise and discussion may be needed.
Sounds like he's started the discussion, are you going to carry it on?
Good luck.

@MistyMountainTop as this is MUMs net i'm talking about mums with families and most families in uk will not be eating 8pm and later. That's just silly. you may still be working at 6 but it's not the norm.

Some of us have careers rather than jobs

does having a career mean you eat later have we finally cracked the difference ?

😂😂😂😂

No, but it means that sometimes, even working from home you have to put work first and be flexible when you need to be!

I was actually quite hurt by the previous poster who said that this was MUMsnet and so eating early was the rule. My children are now adults (so I'm still a MUM and allowed to be here!)

As I said before, DH doesn't finish in the office, has an hour commute and sometimes goes to the gym onthe way home so 8 - 9 is the norm here. When the children were young, they ate earlier of course, but I've always eaten with DH - I find it more companionable.

There's no hard and fast rule, it's what works for each set of people!

I finish work around 5.30pm, which I don't think is that unusual?
it's a 45 min journey home. If I get the 5.30 train , I'm home at 6.15, otherwise its a 5.45 train home at 6.30.

These are really busy trains, no one on them is getting home at 6pm

Is it full moon?

My dh loves to cook, takes ages and trashes the kitchen every time.

Nothing he makes tastes good enough for the arse ache that clean up is.

We do about 50/50 but he usually manages to "just rustle up a little snack" later that evening when I cook, and as I always clean as I go it drives me demented to yet again be left with a filthy kitchen the next day.

I'm sure you're much less of a dirty faffer though op.

I hate cooking, always have. Because of the time mess etc.
My DH is a great cook (trained chef) but I am always relieved on days he's not here so we have ready meals or when he suggests a take away. Because it takes extra time and never is done for when he says. My kids are used to eating at 4.30pm (I know I know) but he starts cooking at 5pm plus refuses snacks to the kids when he is cooking. On a good day we are eating at 6pm. Plus he's used every single pan / dish / knife and leaves the kitchen a tip.
I know it sounds ungrateful, as his cooking is really nice but it does take so long!

But meant to add, he finds me VERY unreasonable and offensive so it's normal for you to feel this way OP.

Well I didn't expect a thread about what time you cook to tick the MN bingo card multiple times with class, career and a cry of "but it's MUMsnet"

Top thread

How do you know what is normal?

My whole working life I was rarely home before six. Come to think of it, I wasn’t home from school until after six from age 11.

Your husband is a cheeky B**ard. I'm a single, blind guy, not that being blind comes into It really, live on my own in London. I cook, clean do mmost everything alone and by myself. If he fancies food, shouldn't he prepare It himself, or get a bloody takeaway? Wild to say that, I reckon. Should be greatful he's got a wife that does the majority of the cooking... Relationships, I just don't understand...

Well my tuppence worth for what is it is worth @Coralinea and others

There is no prescribed time to eat. We tend towards later but our choice. Who DC were younger they would get their dinner earlier & DH & I would eat later. I don't think eating later is a snobbish thing - it is what you get used to . If I ate at 6 I would probably skip lunch. There is no right or wrong answer to this question - it is personal preference / circumstances.

But @OP what I would say is your Dh is not critising your cooking just the timing. & so many good ideas on here to get the meal out a bit earlier. I would not get cross about this if it were me.

Cut the drama he just wants his tea earlier and that only happens when it’s a ready meal

I get that. In my world, if you want your tea earlier, you bloody well cook It yourself, instead of having a woman running after you...

He happy with a ready meal I don’t think there’s any expectations of a woman running after him if anything the opposite

The OP says that the husband gets irritated when dinner is late. That would indicate some kind of inherent childishness. Oh mummy, my dinner is late kind of vibe... I get that people get hungry, but she seems to do most of the cooking. That's just old fashioned. If cooking from scratch, It will naturally take longer, so he should understand that. He can put a ready meal in the oven himself surely, and let his wife chill sometimes or share the cooking?

Absolutely no idea how you got to that assumption from OP post

I'm just an independent sod, and wouldn't feel comfortable with a partner always cooking for me, to be honest. Suppose the issue is trivial, apart from the fact that the OP says she doesn't fancy cooking for him anymore after what he said, so obviously had some kind of an impact on her.

Hi @DancefloorAcrobatics , we both get back from work about 6.30/7pm. When I say that if I cook it's closer to 8pm, it's more that it's around 7:40ish - it's not often 8pm. The things I cook normally take 30 mins total to prep and cook.

I don't think there's a single person you could call working class in my office or industry and everyone is bloody ravenous by 6! Oxbridge graduate or toilet cleaner, we all have the same stomachs.

If anything those with help at home actually tend to eat earlier, as they come home to no chores and a nice hot meal.

As far as class legacies go this one has been rapidly eroded – or in fact reversed – by the biological imperative (can you hear some stomachs growling...) and modern working structure (I'd argue employment in certain industries has become a new class marker of prestige).