Husband says he's 'relieved' when we have a ready meal instead of me cooking

[Coralinea]

My husband and I sometimes cook from scratch, and sometimes have a ready meal (for the oven, such as a fish pie).

I've always really liked cooking. If we cook anything from scratch, it's normally me who cooks, and we normally eat a bit later (closer to 8pm than 7pm) because of the prep. I like making things like curries and pasta bakes, and I experiment with new things.

The other day, my husband said he feels 'relieved' when we have a ready meal, because we eat earlier and there's no clanking around of pans and extra washing up (though we have a big dishwasher that does most of this).

AIBU to feel really annoyed he said this, and to feel like I just don't want to cook for him anymore? I feel like if it's not ready before 7.30, then he's annoyed it's 'late' and would prefer a ready meal.

I couldn't eat that late on a regular basis. If he likes eating early and you like cooking why don't you cook up a load of homemade ready meals to keep in the fridge or freezer.

Dinner at 5-6 in my house, 7 in exceptional cases. I'd be annoyed too if made to eat that late. Maybe you can batch cook once a week or so?

Tea and then supper? I’m now imagining your family is very ‘Enid Blyton’ 😁

My husband would eat dinner by 5/6 and is happy to do so. I like my lunch around 2 so hate it so have opted to have a snack and a cup of tea so I’m not missing out on dinner with the kids. Lately due to clubs and busier night time routines it has been creeping up to 7/8pm dinners which I love. My husband will have crumpets/beans on toast to keep going until dinner is ready. He will sometimes cook for that time too so we take it in turns really.

To the point of the original post. I would be annoyed if my husband slagged off the meal for a ready meal! Unless a marks spaghetti bolognese which are excellent!

I don’t think anyone is trying to pretend they’re ‘cosmopolitan or sophisticated’ more than for many post kids clubs, bedtime and then cooking 8.30 is about the earliest some of us can manage.
So bizarre some of you would assume those who eat later are doing it to be cool 😄!

Sorry, I know some people actually can’t. It’s people on holiday, for example, that say they/we can’t possibly eat before 8 who wind me up.

Same!! We eat 5:30/6. But my kids are in bed by 7. We do eat lunch at noon though (work in a school).

I cooked from scratch tonight - took 30 minutes tops and I got ready to go out afterwards while it was in the air fryer. It doesn't always have to take hours and involve lots of prep. Why not make double quantities then you have a healthy ready meal in the freezer instead of relying on unhealthy takeaways or ready meals?

I wouldn't...but then some people felt very defensive about their late dinners as if OP husband being hungry at 8 somehow offended them personally so they had to explain how it's the only adult way to eat this late

We would never last until 8pm in our house. DS and I can sometimes last until DH gets home at 6pm, but we usually eat at 5pm. I don’t think your DH is being unreasonable at all.

Could you maybe use a slow cooker? You could prep the veg a few days before and stick it on in the morning?

But l had all of these.

Still ate about 6 though.

But why is he home so late? Why did he accept a job that made him arrive home at that time?

This us what l can’t get my head round.

Go on strike. He can cook
his own dinner!

Seriously?

Money
Job satisfaction
Intellectual challenge

Perhaps they wanted a bigger house or quieter home life so they live a bit of a commute outside London too.

If someone goes to the bother of going to University the chances are they are not going to end up in the kind of job where you clock out at 5pm.

https://pyrex.co.uk/products/pure-glass-storage-rectangular-dish-with-glass-lid

I got them cheaper than that but I go with pyrex always.

These sort of dishes are great. Take out of the freezer and into the oven. I do usually take it out in the morning to defrost to make it quicker.

I have 4 of them. And often double cook. One for the freezer one for tonight.

Also ask him to help. I am def the cook in our house but DH helps.

I also have a ninja 15-in-1 I love it. Good food from scratch very quickly and often in just 1 pot.

Quality of life though.

I went to university, used to get home about 5:30
DH did, gets home about 5.45 ( usually works from home)
All 3 ds went to university: all work from home.
various friends/colleagues with degrees, all home about 5.30

l would say a degree gives you more ability to pick your hours. Not get home at 8.15. That’s such a rubbish quality of life.

OP, your husband is not BU to say that he prefers eating at 7:30 rather than 8. However he is definitely BU to be annoyed if you serve dinner later. Does he always do ready meals when it’s his turn to cook?

We have a similar routine. We both just graze on carrots/hummus/nuts until the main food is ready. I think the key is to share the cooking and get into the habit of making your curries etc in advance so they can just be heated up. Microwave rice pouches are great too.

Is he mentioning the noise because you have an open plan kitchen/diner?

If you have kids things will change a bit anyway.

Your sons wouldn’t be advancing in their jobs very quickly with that work pattern if they worked in high earning City jobs, which is what I assume that PP’s husband to be doing. It’s a different world and many people are happy with the compromise. Horses for courses.

Seeing as you normally eat at 7, and then you cooking means you eat an hour later, his comment is hardly an insult or disrespectful. Can you not save cooking from scratch for weekends?

If a child is out from 4.30-7.30pm and I get in at 6.30pm (and collect them at 7.30) surely it stands to reason neither of us can eat at 6pm! Or if I get in at 6.15 and go for a run at 7pm....then I also can't make/eat dinner at 6pm!

I don't find it difficult to understand that some people get in earlier, wfh, work shifts, prepare meals ahead etc so eat earlier ....but why is the opposite not feasible?

Clubs always finished about 5-5.30. Not sure l would have put them in a club that finished at 7.30. Too much rushing for a meal and then bed time. Or at a max once a week.

Id make tea, not eat mine, go for a run and then eat it when l came back. It would be too much faff for me making tea at 7-7:30. Makes me feel stressed just talking about it! I’d also start it as soon as l got in the door. I want everything cleared and sorted by 7

Same as poster up thread who’s Dh gets in at 8:15. Making a meal at that time would just make my head explode. You’d still be clearing up at 10.

Each to their own though. I think l must prioritise about 6 pm over everything else.

At the end of the day though its irrelevant if half of MN eat at 5pm and couldn't possibly wait til 6 or eat at 10pm and couldn't possibly eat earlier, the OPs situation is that they get in at 6.30, and the DH preferred meal time is 7pm and hers is nearer 8pm. So eating before 6.30 is not at all possible even with batch cooking, airfryers, slow cookers etc.

Maybe they should agree to cook quick meals some of the week and limit more time consuming ones to only once or twice a week (doesn't anyone eat snacks? If you were ready to eat at 7 but had to wait til 7.45pm for instance, could you have a breadstick/apple/a few crisps etc at 7?? )

(doesn't anyone eat snacks? If you were ready to eat at 7 but had to wait til 7.45pm for instance, could you have a breadstick/apple/a few crisps etc at 7??)

A breadstick or a few crisps is more likely to stimulate rather than stifle my appetite. Luckily, I’m able to cope with more than 12 hour gaps between meals without feeling hungry.