I earn more than boyfriend, how to split expenses if we move in?

[NCedbecauseofprivacy]

Hello everyone! My boyfriend of a year and I have been talking about the possibility of moving in together sometime in the Summer. We are both good earners but I earn a little bit more than him, so I am wondering how we should split expenses. We both are 35, have no plans for marriage and for the moment we will be renting in London. No plans to merge finances either.

We both work full-time in senior jobs and earn well, but he earns approximately 40% less than me. We both have plenty of savings/ investments and can comfortably afford to pay bills and then have some disposable income left.

Would it be unfair to go 50/50? Shall I offer to pay a little more given the income disparity? He says he is happy to go 50/50 but I don't want to be unfair and I am not sure how to navigate the situation to set us up well for our future together.

Thanks for your advice :)

even based on those high numbers, ( at a stretch you could bring home 50% more income) , you as the higher earner should be paying proportionally more

Oh sorry. Do try the calendar option.

Yes, the bonus matters, it must be expected as income or the OP would have said the partner earns 20% less, not 40%. I'd work it out proportional to after tax income, including the bonus.

thanks - do they still make those ?

If you are driving the choice of housing based on your income, you should pay more.
if the costs are the same or less than you currently both pay separately then I would go 50:50.
if you are considering children you need to start saving especially in London. Childcare will be as much as a mortgage monthly

Do not pay more. You are not married and you do not owe him anything. You pay 50:50. Nothing more, nothing less. My answer might be different if you were earning £10k pcm and he £1k but you're both on excellent incomes and can both afford to pay your way.

Of course if you marry and have children, you can put your incomes into one pot and share but you're not at that stage yet.

Maybe - Check with your DH.

@THisbackwithavengeance "Do not pay more. You are not married and you do not owe him anything. You pay 50:50. Nothing more, nothing less."

I am utterly gobsmacked that anyone would think that. Quite shocked, actually.

Just spoilt 50/50. You both have loads.

It's a fairly fledgling relationship.

I'd split 50/50, then the 1k pcm you ear more than him, put it directly into savings. This means you each have the same spare money.

Ince the relationship develops, if marriage is on the cards, or kids etc, use this saved 1k pcm on family costs or switch the savings to shared.

But I'd advise all women to keep financial independence during the early years. You've no idea what will come out of the woodwork in time.

If you weren't moving in together, I'd say pay your way 50:50 or however you feel (you would have no shared expenses). Seeing as you're moving on together, it's good practice for the future to see how things will work between you. No reason not to pay proportionately other than greed/ wanting to put yourself first. Not good in a lasting relationship.

But why? Why can people test the waters of a relationship without financially committing?

DH earns considerably more than me. I expect to have access to “his” money because we have been married for nearly twenty years, bought a house together and I’ve given birth to three of his children. These are all financial commitments.

The OP has been dating this man for a year and thinking about moving into a rental with him. Why shouldn’t she keep her money separate?

@karmakameleon "The OP has been dating this man for a year and thinking about moving into a rental with him. Why shouldn’t she keep her money separate?"

Of course she can keep her money separate. Doesn't mean that they both shouldn't contribute fairly to their household, though.

The monthly income disparity after tax is not actually that much. He’s well able to support himself and she doesn’t need to subsidise him. If she wants to treat him to dinner or pick up an extra food shop, that’s totally up to her but why should she pay more rent or bills assuming she’s not asking him to live outside of his means? I say this as someone who was in the boyfriend’s situation 20 years ago and I wouldn’t have expected DH to subsidise me.

If its not that much, she won't notice the little extra she'll pay

The monthly income disparity after tax is not actually that much.

Take into account the bonus and average that over the year and there's 2k difference a month.

I should imagine that if he’s managing to live Ok on his current income, then he shouldn’t be ‘short’ once the bills are being split 50/50

Maybe she won’t, but why should she? Why can’t people see how a relationship develops without one having to subsidise the other? Should they have split the bill on their first date in proportion to their incomes lest she be accused of “not paying her way”?

I earn similar to the OP and max out my pension every year to avoid the punitive taxes at that level, so my bonus is paid directly into my pension. Maybe she wants to do that with hers. Maybe she’s saving for a house deposit. Why can’t she do what she wants with her money?

50:50 unless married. If and when you marry % by income is fairer.

A few people have mentioned this 'encourage him.to earn more' business. I think if the sexes were reversed, people would be outraged at the suggestion. Maybe the chap is happy with his job and his income level, or maybe he is doing work that simply isn't as well renumerated. His worth shouldnt be measured in his income, especially not in this case where he sounds a very solid and hard working type with his head screwed on.