I earn more than boyfriend, how to split expenses if we move in?

[NCedbecauseofprivacy]

Hello everyone! My boyfriend of a year and I have been talking about the possibility of moving in together sometime in the Summer. We are both good earners but I earn a little bit more than him, so I am wondering how we should split expenses. We both are 35, have no plans for marriage and for the moment we will be renting in London. No plans to merge finances either.

We both work full-time in senior jobs and earn well, but he earns approximately 40% less than me. We both have plenty of savings/ investments and can comfortably afford to pay bills and then have some disposable income left.

Would it be unfair to go 50/50? Shall I offer to pay a little more given the income disparity? He says he is happy to go 50/50 but I don't want to be unfair and I am not sure how to navigate the situation to set us up well for our future together.

Thanks for your advice :)

If you love someone and you're a couple, then proportion to earnings is the only fair way. Review it every few months. You're not just flatmates!

Proportionate is morally better, and also has the benefit of giving the lower earner more of a chance to save, so that if in the future the relationship fails, they will have a cushion of savings to help them start again. Rather than if they had squeezed their income to keep up with paying 50% of the desired lifestyle costs of a wealthier partner, as we so often see on threads here. Although usually it's the woman who earns less, but the sex shouldn't make any difference.

I agree with @Hbosh , if you are living to the lower budget 50:50 is fine if you want to live to your budget then it needs to be proportional to what each of you earns.

You said her share should be half? Then a man should always pay more? Either I’m confused or you’re being refreshingly open about a double standard…

, if it’s a man he should always pay more.

I don’t discriminate between the genders

how can you possibly claim that you don’t discriminate between the genders, when you clearly do?

We did it as a percentage at that stage in our relationship. Work out the cost of your combined bills as a percentage of your combined income, then each pay that percent of your wages into a joint ‘bills’ account.

Eg. Bills come to £1000, joint income is £4000, each pay 25% of your individual income into the bills account.

Couldn't agree more. It's fascinating and duplicitous to see it in action.

At this stage I'd go for 50/50, especially as you both earn well, have savings and will probably be saving money by living together.

I'd plan to review this every 6 months or. I'm very much for paying by proportion but only when you have shared commitments like mortgages and children.

This. Me and my husband did this when we first rented. I earned more. I think I put in £900 and him £600… oh the days when rent food bills and council tax only cost us £1500 a month…

My thoughts too!

As I mentioned earlier, none of us will be in any way struggling no matter how we split finances. The difference in our salary seems big but it does not have as much of an impact because we both earn well.

It is as if he was bringing home 5k and I was bringing 6k per month (not real numbers but just to give context/ proportion). We lead a relatively normal lifestyle and therefore we will both be comfortable with money no matter how we arrange our finances.

It is more of a principle for me, I want to do what is right for both of us.

So it appears 50/50 when a women earns more but if not then women pays less

Excellent advice ☀️

Good idea.

Personally- percentage depending on income. So you both pay proportional to your income.

I guess it’s up to you whether your principles are equality or fairness…

I suppose it depends, is he going to be comfortable after paying his side? Are you choosing to live somewhere too expensive for him?

When I first moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) I could only afford a very very small crappy "studio" he didn't want that he wanted somewhere nicer. So he paid more because I simply could not afford it and wouldn't have chosen it

Other than you wanting somewhere more expensive/ more expensive things that are a stretch for him I think 50/50 is fine. It will change if ye get married or have children

Sorry I didn't read any of your updates! In your case 50/50 is absolutely fine

No one else seems to do what we do.

Own bank accounts for our own money/ savings/ high interest accounts.

One account for bills. We pay in proportionately. If we earned the same, we'd do 50%. The higher earner pays proportionately more. We've both had times when we've earned more/ less. When I worked part time, dh paid much more into the 'bills' account. I have also paid in more.

One shared savings account- for big future purchases. How we pay in changes according to need

We each have our own personal savings - up to us to decide.

Any large purchases (kitchen/ bathroom work etc.) we work together for.

I think it would be fair if you paid slightly more due to earning more.

Or, 50/50 but then you agree to put X amount aside in a 'joint' saving to fund holidays, days out etc for the both of you?

I'm struggling to see how you are both high earners, you earn 40% more than him but the difference is only £1000 per month.

Putting that aside, when this was DH and I before we were engaged/had children etc, I absolutely paid in more to the joint account. I was still paying less than I'd paid before, for a nicer and bigger place. I also still had significantly more disposable income than he did.

The same than if it was the other way around and you were earning 40% less than him.
What would you consider fair?

Btw earning 40% more isn’t earning a little bit more….

Yep…. Amazing that isn’t it?

It might not impact your day to day living but it will impact HIS ability to save money and therefore any long term financial position.

You also need to think that, if you start with the idea that what is earning is more it’s the same and he can afford the same than you anyway, he might well feel ‘forced’ to agree in spendings he would not normally do.
eg rent a more expensive house/flat or go out into more expensive restaurant.

It seems that you need a much deeper discussion on finances and your relative position than just splitting bills 50/50. Because I doubt he’ll be happy to see you building up a lot of savings compare to him because he has to adjust to your lifestyle. Which is what is likely to happen if you assume there is little difference income wise between you.

Might not be a popular view but he should pay 100% for living basics - house, food, bills. you can opt to contribute if you wish.

50/50 for sure.