I earn more than boyfriend, how to split expenses if we move in?

[NCedbecauseofprivacy]

Hello everyone! My boyfriend of a year and I have been talking about the possibility of moving in together sometime in the Summer. We are both good earners but I earn a little bit more than him, so I am wondering how we should split expenses. We both are 35, have no plans for marriage and for the moment we will be renting in London. No plans to merge finances either.

We both work full-time in senior jobs and earn well, but he earns approximately 40% less than me. We both have plenty of savings/ investments and can comfortably afford to pay bills and then have some disposable income left.

Would it be unfair to go 50/50? Shall I offer to pay a little more given the income disparity? He says he is happy to go 50/50 but I don't want to be unfair and I am not sure how to navigate the situation to set us up well for our future together.

Thanks for your advice :)

It wouldn’t be irrelevant if earned more though would it?

The double standard on MN is wild.

£1000 a month more is a lot. Do things proportional to your earnings. It sets the precedent if there’s ever a change in your income and is much fairer to you both.

Disagree that posts would be different if OP were a man or the lower earner.

oP has clearly said they don’t want to connect their finances. Subsidising her BF would be doing that.

You really don’t think that the responses would be different if OP was a man?

If a man said that he didn’t want to combine finances, there would be cries of financial abuse. It’s never seen as subsidising a partner when the man is the high earner either…

I would do 50/50 at this stage for now until you're more committed.

Further down the line, maybe both 50% of take home for shared day to day expenses but if you buy together and put more into the deposit make sure you protect it with a deed/ declaration of trust.

That's what DP and I have done and it works well for us. But there's not as big a gap in our salaries

It's a fairly new relationship so I'd say 50:50. If you moved in with friends no one would suggest you subsidising them.

If it was a much longer relationship which you viewed as being likely permanent, a different split would seem fair.

Combining finances after a year would be a bad idea imho, regardless which partner earned more.

We do this and have pretty much always done it that way.

Surprised so many think 50/50 is fair!

This is what dp and I did before children.

Then after children we just put both salaries in a joint account (and spent it all on childcare)

I’d do 60/40, especially as you’ve said he’s good with money.

I was going to suggest a joint savings account but I think it’s too soon tbh. I might just be jaded from a few scary threads recently.

If you both earn comfortably enough. 50/50 will suffice. Other thing would be if someone earn 1000 a month, the other 3000 and they live on the 3000 lifestyle. Big earners won't notice 200 pounds in the same way standard earners do. Plus he will be encouraged to earn more.

It’s not fair

50/50 is absolutely fine and completely fair in your situation. Its not like some of these scenarios on MN where one married partner stays at home to look after their children, or is in a low paid part time job, and the higher earning spouse still expects things to be split 50/50. The dynamics are totally different here.

Maybe you can just chip in a bit extra towards holidays to go to more luxurious places you can easily afford but might be a stretch for the lower earning partner?

50/50 at this stage, he’s a happy with that and it’s not going to leave him short. Be prepared to offer to add more to things like holidays or other expenses, but keep the day to day costs equal and simple.

I would say proportionate to your incomes is most fair. When me and my partner moved in, we worked it out so that it was fair as otherwise I would have been to overstretched and struggling.

I find these threads curious. If a man earns more then he should pay more. If a woman earns more she should pay equal. Apparently it’s all about what’s in your pants.

No, not fair, the prson who earns more contributes more irrespective of gender, as the higher earner you should be contributing more

I would look into getting a cohabitation agreement drawn up with a solicitor as this will protect you both if the relationship ends.

Proportionate to earnings is a fair way of splitting bills.

Yes, it just ridiculous gender bias,
no one would say to a woman “you need to earn more “, but apparently thats okay to say to a man

I'm going to go against the grain here. You're in a relationship, even if you're not married, so to a degree you have to accept that some of the finances will be family money. It would be awful if you're in a position to go on trips, out, holidays etc but because he's paying more of a % from his wages he can't. Neither of you should be worse off by moving in together.

I'd keep finances separate but split the bills etc proportionately to your wages. Or go 50/50 and you pay for stuff such as holidays or food etc.

I think 50/50 is fair if that’s what rhe op wants. She doesn’t need to subsidise him, and he’s not got his hand out.

Paying a greater (fair) proposal not combining finances. It’s simply paying your fair share

Family money only exists as a concept on mumsnet. It’s not a real thing, no one is automatically entitled to someone else’s money, even if married, if someone deems to pay more it’s a choice they make and they can change their minds at any time,

Her fair share is always half the costs. Always. If she chooses to pay more that’s her choice, but in the base she is responsible for half the costs. He is not entitled to her salary or being subsidised.

I disagree

youd also be in the massive minority saying that on a thread where the man is the higher earner, if you’d post at all…

Absolutely said it earlier, if it’s a man he should always pay more.

I don’t discriminate between the genders, I also earn more than my husband and we pay proportionately. But I am married and we have joint finances. And I am absolutely aware this is a choice I make. It is my decision, if we were just moving in and not sharing finances, then he would not be entitled to my earnings or to be subsidised by me.

i think some folks are posting who want subsidising and are coming at it from their own position, rather than simply looking at it cold.