I earn more than boyfriend, how to split expenses if we move in?

[NCedbecauseofprivacy]

Hello everyone! My boyfriend of a year and I have been talking about the possibility of moving in together sometime in the Summer. We are both good earners but I earn a little bit more than him, so I am wondering how we should split expenses. We both are 35, have no plans for marriage and for the moment we will be renting in London. No plans to merge finances either.

We both work full-time in senior jobs and earn well, but he earns approximately 40% less than me. We both have plenty of savings/ investments and can comfortably afford to pay bills and then have some disposable income left.

Would it be unfair to go 50/50? Shall I offer to pay a little more given the income disparity? He says he is happy to go 50/50 but I don't want to be unfair and I am not sure how to navigate the situation to set us up well for our future together.

Thanks for your advice :)

I would go for proportionality to be honest for most things.

If you are planning on buying a house together, then I would make the mortgage 50/50 ( because if you split then the house will belong to both of you equally, financially-wise, and make any break fairer)

As others have said if YOU were the lower earner, the collective Mumsnet reply would be that 50% by each of you would be very unfair

If you want to do the 'fair' thing at least morally, percentage is the right way to go

Definitely this. Lowest earner sets the budget.

If things change and you decide to share finances you could create a joint pot for household bills that you both pay equal amounts into, and then keep the rest of your money separate.

Wtf

why?

It's more nuanced than that. Women are often advised not to go 50/50 if they earn less due to the potential financial hit they'll get when/if they have children. Over time, it's not always an even playing field for women so it's not unreasonable to try and redress the balance a bit by advising a lower earning woman to protect her future financial security by paying proportionately rather than 50/50.

Thats only one part of the problem.

The other is what the OP examplifies - the highest earner driving the spending, even wo realising it, on the grounds that the other partner ‘can afford it’ because they can make ends meet/can still have savings.

The majority of domestic duties will be yours.
If you are made pregnant HE cant carry the baby- you have to rest . The child care will be down to YOU.
It is not equal, dont be brainwashed into thinking :everything should be split down the middle. Will HE pay YOU for carrying and delivering a baby NO ( he wont).
Never treat A life partner like a ' Room Mate'
HE would LOVE it; but for a woman its a downhill path. YOU Will suffer ( being treated like a room mate) You are Special, A Gift, Precious.
A MAN needs to creat a safe space for a woman to flourish.
N
" No plans for MARRIAGE" ???????? RED FLAG.
Dont be used.
If your paying HALF, You at least need A PRIVATE ROOM for yourself.
Don't give up ' YOU'
If , unfortunately, you want to pay half, it needs to be FIXED, never increased. And optional.

WTF are you on about, of course he NOT do do this, what year are we in 1954 or 2024 ?

but in this case the woman earns a significant amount more, so she should definitely pay more

The more I see you post the more I’m convinced you’re some sort of parody account…

unfortunately, you want to pay half, it needs to be FIXED, never increased. And optional.

what kind of nonsense is this todays day and age

Never treat A life partner like a ' Room Mate'

@Vonesk I think that’s somehow what the OP wants though.
Living together but no marriage, no children, totally independent finances.

And I’m not judging that. Because
1- she doesn’t have to have children nor should we assume they will at some point anyway
2- many women chose that position BECAUSE they are the higher earner and don’t want to take the risk of having to part with some of ‘their’ money when they divorce.

And it’s a totally ok position to be in as long as both partners agree to it.

Indeed! While we don't rule out children, it is far from a certainty that we will have any. In fact I would say it is unlikely, but never say never :)

As for marriage, I am the one who is not keen and has never been keen on the idea. He is more neutral about it. I have just always thought that it wasn't for me, long before I met this specific boyfriend.

@Vonesk are you ok? 😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂

Equal amounts until circumstances change e.g. if you end up having kids. If both of you can afford the lifestyle you both want on your individual incomes I don't see why you would contribute more. I'd say the same if he was the higher earner.

I would say joint account for household bills, also for holidays and nights out if you want, everything else in a pocket money account each.

ask your mother or look at a calendar. not that difficult.

That's when it's a shared finances union like marriage. The op has said they aren't considering that and that they are just dating.

My mother is dead - nice try at humour - shame it failed

He would have to be on a low wage for there to only be a 1k difference in your take home pay and also to be on 40% less gross income than you. The figures don't make sense.

I agree, the figures do not make sense.

Say the OP was taking home 6k, that's a salary of 111k gross, 40% less is 66.6k, take home 4k. Still a huge difference after tax and NI.

I have done the maths, being a maths graduate and an accountant 😋. There is a 40% difference and a £1000 difference if one of them earns £3500 and the other £2500. I am unclear as to whether this is pre or post tax and also the 40% depends on the perspective from which it is calculated but I have had to make an assumption.

Regardless I would not call anyone bringing home £2500 or even £3500 a high earner, as respectable as this is. And certainly sharing bills 50:50 on these kind of incomes could definitely leave the lower earner with very little left over in comparison to the other.

the 40% depends on the perspective from which it is calculated but I have had to make an assumption The OP said he earns 40% less, so she would earn 67% more.

£3500 and £2100 (3500*0.6) a month gross would work out as ~£1000 difference take home, but that would mean he is on quite a low wage.