I earn more than boyfriend, how to split expenses if we move in?

[NCedbecauseofprivacy]

Hello everyone! My boyfriend of a year and I have been talking about the possibility of moving in together sometime in the Summer. We are both good earners but I earn a little bit more than him, so I am wondering how we should split expenses. We both are 35, have no plans for marriage and for the moment we will be renting in London. No plans to merge finances either.

We both work full-time in senior jobs and earn well, but he earns approximately 40% less than me. We both have plenty of savings/ investments and can comfortably afford to pay bills and then have some disposable income left.

Would it be unfair to go 50/50? Shall I offer to pay a little more given the income disparity? He says he is happy to go 50/50 but I don't want to be unfair and I am not sure how to navigate the situation to set us up well for our future together.

Thanks for your advice :)

It depends on if you are willing to live by his income constraints. The place you select to rent, the type of food you buy, how often you eat out, your entertainment and the holidays you take will all be in conflict with an income disparity and separate finances. It’s fine in theory to say 50:50 is fair, but if you are putting pressure on him to live beyond his means, then it won’t be fair. If he is smart, he will refuse to stretch to a flat he can’t really afford or a holiday that prevents him from saving. So you need to accept a downgrade in shared lifestyle or you need to split the bills differently.

proportionate to income after tax

We split bills so I was paying more as I earned more when we moved in at first. I think I was bringing in about 1/3 more at the time. That 1/3 more covered 'extras' like the gym, holidays, meals out. The essential basic bills we split 50/50.

So are you suggesting you will have over £1k per month more disposable income than him?

Ive seen lower earners working all overtime offered to try to keep up with the higher earners wants for their lifestyle, it isnt pretty

Proportional would be fairer.

@NCedbecauseofprivacy like everyone is saying 50:50 as you both have spare cash, but also because you need to save more for your future as a woman. We have to compromise our career to have children and we live longer meaning we need bigger pensions. So if you are young and child free now with disposable income max out those pension contributions as every £1 you earn that goes in is tax free and starting early gives it much longer to be invested. My pension grew 30% this last year alone.
Get a joint account and both put the same amount in each, spend 1/3 of your money on living, 1/3 on enjoying life before having kids (and no money or life) and save 1/3! Then you will be cruising quite literally through retirement too. X

This place is gas.

Post as a man and then you'll get completely different replies.

Different replies aren't unreasonable, given that women can face financial insecurity if they become mothers. This site if full of posts by women who are unsupported during maternity leave and early childhood if they have to work part-time and also find childcare fees. They can lose out on promotions, compromising their earning capacity. Women's pensions have often taken a financial hit too due to their reduced earnings during the child rearing years.

If life were an even playing field for women financially then it would be unreasonable to offer advice that seems to favour them but real life for many women results in dependency on a man, or financial struggle ending with a paltry pension in old age.

Okay in the spirit of transparency, my income is around £150k (120k base salary + 30k bonus). He earns £95k with no bonus. Therefore my monthly income is roughly £6k and his monthly income is roughly £5k.

We both earn well and can afford similar lifestyles I think, although I acknowledge I have to be more mindful about what expenses could be a stretch for him and not for me.

You should definitely be paying proportionately more.

Name on mortgage equally.

All bills from one account. Pay into that account according to earnings.

Everything that’s left over is your/ his to spend or save as you want,

If you were to go on maternity leave/go part time, then he would pay the largest proportion into the billing account because he would become the larger earner.

You both will have had time to put away your own savings.

I did wonder if he earnt 100k and you approx 150k because the high marginal tax rate at 100k was the only way that the income differential made sense.

Personally at this stage in the relationship I would keep it 50:50 as you are separate financial beings but I would say that the higher earner should save for a joint goal in case you do decide to merge finances later. This is what DH and I did so when we decided that we were together longer term and wanted to buy a flat, he had a substantial deposit saved. If we’d have split up though, it would have been his money as he’d earnt it.

@NCedbecauseofprivacy , I am in the camp of those who feel that contribution in proportion to income (after tax) is much more fair than 50-50 where there is a meaningful difference of income, if a relationship is serious enough to involve living together.

Separately, you may also want to look into the possibility of making extra contributions if you have a substantial amount of income taxed at the 60% marginal tax rate that exists from 100k and 125k.

same situation with DH.

We pay 50/50 into joint account which all bills & the mortgage come out of. I buy pretty much all of the food shopping

I would say proportionate to earnings.

50/50 until married or you have kids. Just living together is entry level commitment, either of you could just walk away without a backward glance. I wouldn’t expect to support or be supported by my partner at that stage of a relationship.

After marriage or maternity (although strongly recommend marriage before children) then split by proportion.

Would love to know what you do to earn that sort of money. I don’t even earn half that despite good education, 20y experience and mid management role at big employer 😢

anyway don’t do anything other than 50:50 as both wages have amazing disposable income and you will forever be trying to work out the differential as you get pay rises. Fix your joint amount eg £2k a month each for rent/bills/food etc and then the rest is yours. And def max your pension to over £50k+ as you are paying such high tax rates, and if your career continues on same trajectory you will see your pension allowance fall in future. Save £50k a year now, plus employer contributions ~£60k, and you will be retiring early no problem! Believe me that advice sounds boring now but you don’t want to be in my position in 40s with limited time to save and accumulate investment growth…and all spare income now goes on my kids/childcare.

When I lived with my now ex boyfriend we both earned good money but he earned more. We split the mortgage proportionately but he paid for all the dinners out, for other things we didn't keep track. We had a household account but I don't think he dipped into it and strangely nor did I.
I think if you can both afford it I would go 50/50, my boyfriend offered this to be chivalrous and I am quite old school so wouldn't want to be supporting a guy

Where are these threads where everyone says a man is abusive if he doesn’t pay more than 50% when moving in with a girlfriend and no children are involved? I’ve never seen that and I’ve been on here for about 15 years.

I’d say 50/50 at this stage OP, and before I’m called sexist by the Poor Menz posters, I did this myself when my partner and I first started living together, he earned 100k a year and I earned 35k, but still insisted on 50/50. He’d pay for more meals out and little treats.

This. 50/50 is not fair

Proportionate. Why does being married make any difference?

50/50 fine if big earners and he will hve plenty left over.

Because marriage is a legal agreement that includes sharing finances. If they haven’t taken that step, it’s different, it’s a choice.

You need to work out the proportions and pay fairly. If he’s paying 50% that leads to him saving significantly less than you a month (in total and percentage wise) which seems unfair when you are the bigger earner. Im really shocked at how many are saying 50/50 is fair!

Also, according to most take home pay calculators your take home pay is around £6k on your set salary, it’s over 7k if you work in your bonus, so significantly more than he’s bringing home. 50/50 is not a fair sharing of bills.

@Naunet "Because marriage is a legal agreement that includes sharing finances. If they haven’t taken that step, it’s different, it’s a choice"

Sorry- that's daft.