H likes sub/fantasy of cuckold/humiliation

[SoAlone1981]

And I’m fed up.

So we’ve gone for the first time months without sex because I’m just not willing to act on his kink/fetish. He won’t ask for sex or push for it because well it defeats his need.

To be honest I went months without it and thought I could convince myself to be celibate but last night I just needed sex. And I caved, I did some dirty talking said to him imagine if you had to watch someone have sex with me etc cos I know it turns him on and we’d have sex.

Afterwards I feel humiliated I find sex is functional and I’m also in the lead all the time.

This is 21 years of this relationship.

This is one thing amongst many, I don’t want to split our family we have two young DD.

He’s got a lot of issues OCD, needs control, gets easily stressed, has anxiety. He isn’t willing to do anything about all these issues.

I’m in therapy.

Can anyone help? Is this the right place to post?

I've never tried shitting on someone, yet I know without trying that I don't like scat.

OP knows her own mind, so quit the vanilla-shaming.

That’s just a ridiculous comment

No it's not. It's making the point that OP can know, without trying, whether she is into cuckolding her husband.

No it’s not what you described doing is just totally disrespectful and disgusting

It's a legitimate comparison when we are talking about fetishes and kinks:

1. A lot of people consider cucking to be "just totally disrespectful and disgusting".
2. Some people are aroused by scat.

People do not have to try a kink to know that they will not like it.

Leave.

I am so tired of men who let fetishes rule their sex lives and who manipulate their partners into participating.

You should not have to do something you don't enjoy because he has decided this is the only way you two will have sex.

Also, he is a grown adult and should have sought help for his various issues.

Leave and show your kids that no one should have to put up with a toxic relationship.

Make it clear to him he needs to seek psychological support if he wants to see his kids regularly.

When you have low-esteem/have faced toxic childhood you often end up with shitty men because you think you don't deserve any better...it seems like you are at a point where you have realised you are better than this and your deserve a good relationship with a better man.

Went through similar with my ex. Crazy passionate love life for a couple of years, felt really loved and wanted, but then he bought in his kinks, which was essentially other women, talking about fantasies of other women etc, porn. He swore it would be occasional and would never take over, but much like your situation it’s all he really wanted after that, to include that in our sex life and sexting to the point it interfered with our bond, became a battle between us, and he’d show disinterest in proper one to one. I think it was pretty much the other way around, that he enjoyed dominating and humilating me, although he denied that humiliating me was any part of his kink. Didn’t seem that way though when I was seducing him and he’d rather turn me down than not have other women in the mix, I know the pain and frustration and just the hoping that you can have a normal sexy time together, while knowing it will always come up, and that it’s not as good for them without their kink pretty much 100% of the time

Op, I recognise you from previous posts, months or maybe even years ago.

You have been unhappy about this/generally unhappy for quite a long time.

Unhappy enough to post several times.

It's interesting that you say your kids adore him but then mention he's "controlling" towards them about homework etc. Which sounds like bullying or stressing.

So they're kids who adore someone who does not act reasonably or well towards them. Ateotd kids don't know ....they'll adore their parents naturally. Adults do know.

He's totally unprepared to deal with his issues or change.

(Even if he was, there's no guarantee he will change).

And I'd imagine he thinks you're going nowhere whether he does or not so has no real motivation.

He thinks you're stuck.

Hrs been taking advantage of your circumstances.

The only two solutions I see are an open relationship, which I have a feeling he wouldn't agree to; and you don't really want.

Or to separate. But how you minimise the affect of his behaviour on your daughters. ... I would maybe take some advice from WA.

Just to say the OP last posted in March & this thread was resurrected by an idiot spammer so there’s no guarantee she’s still reading.

Oh sorry, I didn't realise