Well now my self esteem is in tatters

[Beepbeep18]

Few dates in with a man. On Thursday evening mid way through sex he says he ‘just doesnt find me that physically attractive’. Stopped and asked why he’d pursued dates before listing all the reasons I was a great catch and throwing him out of my house. Is this not just awful to say when vulnerable and also how do I now piece together my self esteem again lol

That’s interesting op. I am certain that your looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s more likely to be that men perceive you as someone with low self esteem who they can safely attack to boost their own fragile egos. That says far more about them than it does about you.

What do your friends say? Have they ever said that you are too “nice” op? Or do you find saying no difficult? Maybe that is something to reflect on? Or you could get some help from a counsellor?

Wtf? This is his problem, not yours, OP. You did absolutely the right thing. Imagine if you had decided to let him stay out of insecurity. That would have been far worse.

My first thought was that he had ED and thought he'd cover it up by being horrible to you.

I am average looking but I feel as though I've always been treated as uglier than I am. I'm not that repulsive I dont think! But yes it hurts. It's reduced me to tears on a few occasions. So I do understand.

What I have come to realise, is that I know my worth. Any one who can't see that doesn't need to be a part of my life. This whole negging business seems to have got worse although, as pp's have said, he may well have had ED and turned it on you.

It's going to sting. There was one comment made to me years ago that still hurts a bit to this day. But comments like that say more about the person making them than they do about you.

Its negging. He's probably hoping youll be so desperate to please him you'll let him choke you or enact some other disagreeable act hes seen in porn. What a woman-hating prick.

He doesn't find you attractive which is good news for you because you don't have to be with a prick like that.

STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM

use CBT techniques. When you start distract yourself with thinking about a holiday / what is for dinner / what exercise you will do next

he is a waste of space and accidentally triggered you. I am very short and people often mention it in a snide way, luckily I don’t care But if I did then it would really hurt. He’s push a button, it was an accident, he is a total
nobber. Don’t give him headspace. Listen to Brene Brown

The "apolgy" could well be him backpedalling because he badly overplayed his "I will make her desperate to please me" hand and he wants to make up lost ground so he can have another go. This is all about him, none of it very nice . He has clearly perfed the early "make myself seem a nice guy" stages, but luckily for you it rapidly fell apart before you got any more invested in his bullshit.

That was pretty much my thoughts. Better to know about these things now imo.

Don't feel bad about it OP-it's his problem not yours.

Don't waste any more thought on him.

I agree. If he really did find you unattractive I cannot see why he'd now be desperately trying to weasel his way back in. But the fact that he would say that to anyone in any situation makes him a massive turd.

Standing ovation for you, OP, for backing yourself immediately and showing him the door 👏

This is one of the rare occasions where I hope the daily fail or some other media pick this up so the whole country can tell you OP what we already know that you are gorgeous, intelligent and wise but he is a negging little shit who can't keep it up and you did absolutely the right thing in kicking him out. With a bit of luck he would see it and realise we are all onto him.

What a total prick op
Don't give him a second thought other than his rudeness

Jeezo, I’m sorry this happened to you op, what a prick. Block, move on, this is about him not you.

Exactly this.

Some men get off on doing this.

Block and move on knowing he's a sadistic bastard.

As horrible as this would be to hear OP you’ve handled it brilliantly.

Be kind to you and try not to give too much headspace to this inadequate prick. This is a him problem 💯

He sounds like a complete loser.

Who cares if he is attracted to you? You’re not attracted to him anymore because he has shown what a pathetic human being he is.

Bye, dickhead!

And don't think about your looks, or anything else about you. Imagine you were the ugliest person in the world. You'd still not deserve that treatment and he'd still be a sadistic bastard.

It's got literally nothing to do with your looks or anything else about you. It's 100% him.

Now. What are your plans for the weekend? Let's not give him any more brain space because he doesn't deserve it. What are you up to today? I'm doing some reading for my studies. You?

OP he’s an absolute twat.

Please assure us all that you have completely blocked this arsehole. There are no texts he can send that you need to read.

NEXT
💐

This is absolutely not an issue with you! I love your reaction to what he said. You sound like an amazing person and he got exactly what he deserved. Do not give him one second more head space. I guarantee that you are a far more attractive person than him, even if he looks like Brad Pitt.

Well done on throwing him out on his ear there and then.

Some men are complete pricks whichever way you look at it and nothing to do with you at all. Try not to dwell on that aspect and focus on the relief of having escaped instead.

Remember it's all him and not you.

Hmmm, are you sure he didnt have erectile dysfunction, was embarrassed and used that as a (albeit vile) excuse? Just seems a bit odd to say in the middle of sex and to me, seems like transferring blame to you for his own inadequacies

So he actually said the very words ‘just dont find you that physically attractive’ verbatim or is that what you interpreted whatever he said as? Either way he’s a dipstick for talking at all during sex, but he may also have been very clumsy with what he said if it wasn’t what was quoted. Like if he said “I’m not with you for your looks” say

He is awful, you are a boss!

He's trying to hide his porn-broke dick in the most shittiest way possible.

It's him, not you.