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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Well now my self esteem is in tatters

232 replies

Beepbeep18 · 24/02/2024 09:21

Few dates in with a man. On Thursday evening mid way through sex he says he ‘just doesnt find me that physically attractive’. Stopped and asked why he’d pursued dates before listing all the reasons I was a great catch and throwing him out of my house. Is this not just awful to say when vulnerable and also how do I now piece together my self esteem again lol

OP posts:

5128gap · 26/02/2024 10:19

OP, you have been very hurt and had a severe knock to your confidence. You are now in a place where you believe the only person who can heal your wounds is the one who caused them. So desperate are you to feel better, you are clutching at any straw that gives the hope he was in fact sexually attracted to you, that he didn't mean it or you misunderstood. Because you want to continue this relationship and want to believe he's attracted to you.
It's a normal reaction, but its actually denial. The truth is, either this man did not find you sexually attractive (unlikely given the circumstances, but not the end of the world because one mans opinion is not the only one that counts.) or there are some serious issues with his behaviour. Whether those are deliberate and he's playing games with you, or inadvertent because of some problem with communication or other physical or psychological problem makes no difference. He did what he did and made you feel bad. He could quite easily do this again and you will find yourself in a miserable cycle of him hurting you then making you feel better which is very unhealthy.

Pirelli · 26/02/2024 10:23

He didn't find you attractive?! Nah. No way. @Beepbeep18 what he really meant is that he was worried about premature ejaculation or drooping and to protect his ego he blamed it on you.

hollyandivyknickers · 26/02/2024 10:26

Well done OP. He majorly fucked up for whatever reason - you kicked him to the curb.

it would have always been in the back of your mind so best to rip the plaster off and dump him now.

10/10 for staying classy

Original poster

Beepbeep18 · 26/02/2024 11:16

Yeah I mean I don’t think I am clutching at straws lol I kicked him out and stated several times no matter what his intention was I wouldn’t be communicating or seeing him again

OP posts:

Xenoi24 · 26/02/2024 11:34

Beepbeep18 · 24/02/2024 09:43

I feel rancid

I really wouldn't... I am not remotely some men's type (boob men), I am very much other men's type (face and ass men who fancy skinny women) ..... I've been rejected on that basis by numerous men who, to be honest, were not actually as attractive or sorted as my current p.

That's his taste/feelings.

I think it's creepy/shit to have sex with someone your not attracted to, to get your end away. A poor reflection on his character.

He's also spectacularly filterless and odd. To actually say that.

On both fronts, reason to be glad you found out and got rid.

Xenoi24 · 26/02/2024 11:37

Also I find a lot of men try to punch above their weight looks wise.

They're always wasting time and money chasing insta model types and not realising their league.

Fannyfiggs · 26/02/2024 12:13