Well now my self esteem is in tatters

[Beepbeep18]

Few dates in with a man. On Thursday evening mid way through sex he says he ‘just doesnt find me that physically attractive’. Stopped and asked why he’d pursued dates before listing all the reasons I was a great catch and throwing him out of my house. Is this not just awful to say when vulnerable and also how do I now piece together my self esteem again lol

I would guess he had performance issues and he bottled it... Nothing to do with you whatsoever..

I am gorgeous I am funny and extremely kind

Fixed it for you OP. Keep repeating it.

Come on, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why OP would feel awful about herself. Yes, it's not about the OP and he's a piece of shit but it's no wonder she feels dreadful.

Like someone said, it was a test. What will she put up with? and you failed, at least in his terms, hence the grovelling 'I didn't mean what I said.'

Fuck him OP - he obviously doesn't see your worth

You've bloody got this, it might not seem like it today, but you have ❤️

I bet you a million pounds he has erectile dysfunction and didn't want to admit it. This is definitely not a reflection on you.

This 'man' is a waste of skin

You handled it brilliantly. Don't say another word to this creep and block everywhere you can.

Completely agree with this. If he had meant it meanly he would have said more when you kicked him out. Sounds like he was blabbering nonsense to get himself out of a situation that you may not even have noticed. But also, sod him. His natural instinct is to throw out cruel words in tricky times - you dodged a bullet.

And well done for not trying even harder, banging him senseless all night long, swinging from the chandeliers just to prove you are worthy. You did absolutely the right thing. He can look in the mirror and sort himself out with someone he really fancies next time.

You missed my point @MotherofChaosandDestruction . I was obviously trying to get the op to reframe her thinking from a different angle.

@SkatieKatie exactly what i thought.

Do not let this man affect you in this way.

Negging is so common and it's designed to make you feel shit.

Usually because the person doing it feels shit about themselves.

Do not let it.

Block him. Shrug him off.

I have felt the same and it annoys me how I let it affect me.

I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone's self-esteem would be bruised after that.

He’s a cruel cunt. Only an absolute bastard would say such a thing to someone during sex.

Humbling women and trying to diminish their self-esteem is probably the only thing that truly turns him on. He's an inadequate human.

Think I would just try and take the positives on this one, that you had a lucky escape before you wasted anymore time and energy on this weirdo. Put it in the past and move forward!

Yep, absolutely this

Though I have to say I've heard some weird negging tactics recently anecdotally so I wouldn't rule that out.

Either way, he's a dickhead. Honestly, just block and move on.

Oh sorry, I see so many posts on here that blow my mind, I shouldn't have assumed. Apologies.

I think you dealt with that situation perfectly.

Wtf

You're attractive, he's just.... I mean a*hole doesn't cover it does it?

What insanity

Who wouldn't feel hurt and upset after being on the receiving end of a comment like that? I think it's a natural reaction. Nobody likes to hear unkind things said about them, particularly in intimate moments! The trick is, after the shock of it, to realise that he was simply talking utter bollocks and if he can't appreciate a good thing when he's in bed with it then he can jog on.

He's definitely the one at fault there for verbalising that and in that moment and I can't help but wonder if it was intentional on his part and he gets some sort of kick out of this behaviour - he enjoys seeing the reaction or maybe enjoyed the feeling of your fanny clamping shut. Whatever, a decent bloke just wouldn't have said that.

Your self esteem is fine OP. Your self esteem wouldn't have been fine if you'd let him carry on and then agreed to a second date! You handled it perfectly.

My reply to his lengthy email would be "ok" but maybe the sarcasm would be lost on him. I wouldn't be replying to any more of his emails after that.

You are awesome.
He is not.
Blockety-block.
Try and move on.
You dodged a bullet!

Really sorry he behaved so appallingly op. What a knob.

At least he’s apologised. Taking the very kindest of interpretations; he could possibly have been trying to say “I don’t usually go for woman of your type but I found you too attractive to resist” and it all went wrong. However, as others have said, he may equally just be a woman-hating arse. But I reckon the ED theory is the most likely.

Well done for having good boundaries op and asking him to leave.

The thing is, going with the general “he’s an arse” theory, which I think we can all agree with, why would you give an arse the power of believing him? Because you wouldn’t believe an arse ordinarily would you? Someone who behaves like that by definition does not have an opinion worthy of note. So hold your head up high and move on 💐

for some reason I’ve always been teased about how I look as well. I really don’t know why either, I’m very average in every way pretty much

To be honest that's just terrible behaviour and is not a reflection on you at all. Any man with an ounce of integrity wouldn't dream of saying that! He's a wrong un for sure. Be kind to yourself a put this whole experience in the bin!

He's a hateful insecure misogynistic cunt and you sound lovely. Please don't ever engage with this toe rag of a man again. I really hope you can move on. X

This @Beepbeep18 repeat repeat repeat.
Well said @PiggieWig
Op - this bellend is not worth anymore of your headspace. What a twat.

I have been literally thinking about it for days. Can’t get over the fact he used me complimenting him as a like “you find me more attractive than I find you” too