Husband caught cheating with work colleague

[anon19825]

It feels quite surreal to be talking about this but I caught my husband of 15 years cheating last night. I saw some messages that started off 'Thank you for your support today' and then they became increasingly suggestive, including one from him saying he bets she wants to 'beat something he has'. I confronted him and he confessed all saying that they've become very close at work; she's been supporting him with his problems and he's been supporting her with the recent breakup from her marriage. She currently lives alone with her 3 kids. She looks and sounds rough as rats. When I asked my husband what he wants to do he said he still loves me but has feelings for her and that he can't just 'turn them off like a tap'.
I am utterly destroyed. He has never once given me reason to worry in the past. We have a child who doesn't know anything yet. I have no idea what to do now, or if what we had is reparable.

On the contrary, do listen to the "man haters".
It's hard, but mostly reality.

I'd have thought my meaning was obvious..? Unfortunately many people (mainly women) feel they have to stay for financial or other reasons. Do you not think its unfortunate if a person feels they have to stay in a marriage where they've been betrayed for these reasons? Wouldn't it be less unfortunate if they could stay or leave without having to factor in whether they could afford to be independent and how they could care for their children?
My first hand experience is irrelevant. I'm one person, too small a sample size to draw conclusions from. My opinion is based on working with vulnerable women, many of whom have the dilemma I mentioned.

Well said! 👏 👏

Every situation is different. There isn’t one answer for everyone.

Ah, OP - actions speak louder than words. Was he really unhappy or is he rewriting history to try to justify what he did? I bet if you think back you could pinpoint when she started to show an interest as his behaviour towards you changed. Just remember, none of this is your fault - it is ALL on him, his weakness of character and poor choices. If decent people are unhappy they speak with their partner and make changes. They don't go sneaking around with someone else. Anyway, I really do think you need some space rather than being his sounding board. Tell him to go stay with a friend / his mum / the Travelodge for a start and stop talking things through with him. Family & home comfort priveleges have been revoked, as has your friendship. Time to get angry.

Don’t allow him to make you doubt yourself OP.He’s chosen to hurt you and break up your family not you.
Marriages can be fixed if both parties are committed to try again. But he clearly is too busy chasing “ rats “.
Take time off work and see a solicitor asap , know your rights.
If you own your home get an estate agent to value it - so you know what your dealing with financially.
Make-sure you have your own bank account that your wage is paid into! Change your account passwords , Amazon Netflix, PayPal , etc & make sure you aren’t paying any of his bills. I’d also take half of any savings etc - he can’t be trusted, even look about changing your will and life insurance beneficiaries.
Make-sure you have details of all personal documents or pensions etc - if necessary put them out of the home with someone you trust for safekeeping.
He is acting like an unpredictable stranger & you need to protect yourself and your son from any financial and legal backlash.

He can’t be trusted OP .
Speak to someone you trust who can support you . This is a burden better shared.

Dear OP.

Please take a look at a really helpful website called Surviving

Infidelity

How many examples do you have of this, it’s not inevitable at all, stop stating unsubstantiated facts.

It is not inevitable that someone will have another affair.
Yougov statistics put repeat affairs at 50%, so half do not have another one.

If he's on the road to self destruction, please don't let him take you and the kids with him; far too many men do this.

You need to separate yourself from him legally and financially ASAP, or he could drag you down both emotionally and financially.

That’s really high ! Half do, awful

That's if people are being honest in their reporting. Would hardly be surprising if not all were

I said ‘in my experience’ which is plenty. You can choose to not believe me.

@anon19825 how are you? How are things with your husband? Are you still together?

Don't rush into anything you don't feel ready for.

Bin him