Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

MILTOBE that's hilarious 🤣

OP please say good bye Fiancé

Exactly this......

How strange that he thinks he'll be comfortable watching you actually have sex with another man, but is too embarrassed to talk about it to your face?!

Doesn't sound like he'll actually be able to cope with it in real life.

Anyway...OP - it is your body and your relationship - you do what you feel comfortable with and don't let him hound you into a decision.

This^

Statistically, opening a relationship to other people is the start of the end of it.
Also, you have been together 13 years and are only getting married next year? There are multiple alarm bells of a lack of respect from this man.

There are plenty of better fish in the sea.

"In the sea"?

There will be better ones washed up rotting on the beach.

This is where "amazing sex" becomes a curse, not a blessing... You're only considering this because he's good in the sack, and that's blinding you to his odious requests. He knows he has you hooked, and he's exploiting that to get his perverted desires fulfilled.

This will never go away. He'll drop it now and return to the subject when you're married. It's a major incompatability and you won't solve it by compromising yourself and having sex with someone else. He's trying to force yourself to do something that is revolting to you. Do you want to carry on being treated like this for the rest of your life?

By text? So he can show his mates?

My advice to you is to drop this man, now, before breakfast. Right now.
You don't exist to fulfil his kinks.

Going with one man is risky enough. Going with two is foolhardy - if they decide you're going to X or Y, you're outnumbered and easily overpowered.

eta: Oh, and he's a sex pest, nagging you for a kind of sex you don't want. That's good enough reason in itself to get rid of him.

^^ This.

I think you need to give him a very clear no and draw a line in the sand.

“I’ve thought about it a lot because it’s clearly something that you are very keen on. I have decided that I am only interested in a monogamous relationship. Either you need to let this go, or be in a relationship with someone else.”

I reckon he's showing the texts to his mates thats why he doesnt ask f2f. He's repeatedly pressurizing you to do something you don't want to do.
🚩🚩🚩

You know deep down you're incompatible. Sit down and talk and tell him how this makes you feel and fgs don't marry him! Once you're married (or pregnant) will he also justify having sex with someone else because he wants to try it?

Don't try it to please him because you will feel abused giving your self to a stranger to please him. If you do it even once, its a green light to him to say you have done it so carry on. You need to get rid of him, and not marry him.

I haven't read the whole thread but, on the basis of the OP's first post, run for the hills and DO NOT marry this man.

Ex- fiancee.

Tell the sex-obsessed idiot to sod off then dump him fast. Tell him you're not a prostitute and won't be thought of and treated as one. If he wants to fling himself at every Tom Dick and Harriet that comes along then that's his problem but you won't.

Not only that but there's YOUR sexual health to consider too, what if you get STD's or pregnant? AND HE WANTS TO WATCH!

Pestering obsessed weirdo's like him should be avoided.

my thoughts, don’t marry him, he sounds awful. You deserve better

Sorry, but the fact that you didn’t jump at the chance the first time it was mentioned, let alone the many times it’s been mentioned since over the intervening years, should be enough to clarify it is not something you are comfortable with. Sexual experimentation should be mutually-led, not something you are cajoled into.

That he is pushing against your boundaries, ignoring your ill-ease, suggests that he does not respect or value you as he ought to. I would absolutely not be planning a wedding with this man, as it will not just stop with his sexual fetishes - it’ll impact the way he parents, how he choses to spend money etc and his expectation that if he nags you long enough you will eventually cave (also known as coercive control).

DON'T MARRY HIM. If he's like that now then what will he be like after the wedding? He's already emotionally controlling you which is a huge red flag. He's pressurizing you to perform sexual content. Chuck his engagement rings at him, ditch the wedding and dump him super fast before you end up as another abused wife.

Think what he’ll ask you to do when you are trapped with children.

This could be just the tip of the iceberg. You are being pressured into this. This is clearly not something you want. I would reconsider the whole relationship. It sounds like you are moving in different directions. You don't want to be in a relationship where you feel pressured to do something that doesn't sit right with you. He will always be dissatisfied and you will always feel under pressure.

Ewww no and no. Please don’t do it or consider it, you’ll feel awful and he’s not worth it, as he only cares about his needs

This is coercive control, which tallies with my own experiences (yes, two) of men wanting this sort of thing - which I refused to do.

#1 textbook domestic abuser - 5 years of absolute hell from 17 to 22

#2 textbook domestic abuser - I got rid of that one within 6 weeks, thanks to lessons learnt with c*nt #1

Sure, there will be couples who enjoy that sort of thing but the difference is both of them want to do it. Once you remove enthusiastic consent of one party it then becomes abuse.

Get rid of the creep, this is the tip of the iceberg.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again.
he won’t stop asking me,
I wish he would drop it

He knows you don't want to do it or you would have by now. He keeps pushing and pushing at your boundaries because he doesn't respect you at all. This is a huge red flag for anything sexual - but what he wants is just so urrgh. Both on an emotional level and on a practical level. Here are some very rational reasons to not want to do this:

• You are putting yourself at risk physically
• You are putting yourself at risk emotionally
• He will be able to flip this round and make a big thig about his jealous emotions that you then have to soothe. I know that sounds unlikely given he was the one who suggested it but its not impossible
• You could be secretly filmed (I would not trust your fiancé at all) and wind up on multiple websites.
• He could complain to others that you "cheated" on him
• He can cheat on you and if you complain turn it round "This is just how our relationship is"
• If you do this once you know that you will wind up being asked to do it again and again and he will probably ask for more. You know this because he already "won't drop it". It won't be once and he's happy forever. That's not how male sexuality works.
• You are not a whore. He is not your pimp
• This particular fetish he has (not just a fantasy) is quite unpleasant in terms of what it says about how he sees you

Also - what is marriage if not the commitment to be faithful to each other/to cherish each other. It isn't "to have and to hold and to shag other men as requested by my husband".

Honestly even if he did drop the issue completely now I would still be extremely suspicious of him and how he's going to scratch that itch going forward.

In short. LTB

Oh god please don't consider marrying this sex pest. Also please don't believe that once will be enough. This is an awful man who puts his needs way ahead of yours, do it once and he'll spend all his time telling you how amazing it was and that surely you must want to do it again.