Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

Nope...... That is not what the kink is about. Sure some Cuckolds may have bi tendencies but to suggest most for simply is not true.

There’s nothing wrong with him having this fantasy or suggesting it to you. What is wrong is him going on about it when you are not interested. Tell him a straight NO - it is not for you and he is to stop asking. If he doesn’t respect that, the relationship is over.

The answer is no and say to him this will NEVER happen! He is not respecting you or your boundaries he will not take no for an answer .

You sleeping with a man first is ammunition for him Can you imagine what he would be saying to you next guilt tripping you to let him sleep with another women as you have had a man .

Sadly this is all going to end in disaster one way or another . What he’s asking would put me off him . This isn’t you both laying chatting about fantasies this is him pushing you and pushing you to do something you are against and that he is clearly obsessed with.

I think it’s best the wedding is cancelled and you make plans for your future without him.

He's vile. Tell him to fuck off and find someone else to pimp out. Do NOT marry this walking red flag!!!!

What ever is going on with him is his issue. To me the answer is simple. Never consent to do anything sexual that you don't want to do.

I would have a final showdown with him and tell him enough is enough, it wont be happening and it's not to be mentioned again. If he permits, it's over. He is not respecting you.

He's never ever going to stop going on about this. Cut your losses with him and find a man who loves you, because he obviously only sees you as a sexual fantasy he can pimp out for his own pleasure.

This.

So basically he wants to have sex with someone else in the future. Let's face it if you bring in another couple he will be doing it with the girl not the guy right. He's paving his way into being able to sleep with other people and you just accepting it. I would be leaving personally

This. One hundred percent.

Have a face to face conversation. “I want to be clear that the answer is ‘no’. I will never want to do this. I have made that clear now and if you ask me again I will consider it to be harassment and leave.”

You could then open up a conversation about your sex life: are you both happy, etc? But keep boundaries very clear.

A specific man?

Sounds like you don’t want to do this but will do so to keep him. Please don’t.

My DH did this he nagged and nagged so I went online found a guy who was part of a swinger network so totally happy to oblige. (And knew the score) he said it was very common for men to like to watch.

I went as far as sexting the other guy for a few weeks and arranging the kids to be away at half term.

It was all set, the guy was utter filth and was sexing daily, I was sharing with my DH who gradually started to retreat a bit.

The reality of the situation hit him and I found him sobbing, apologising saying please don't, I'm not sure what I was thinking etc it was pretty distressing to be honest as I was in fact enjoying the attention fur the new guy, and have zero sympathy for my DH who put himself in this stupid porn situation.

What started as a "fuck you" for pushing me, ended with me 2 years down the line having an emotional affair. My DH withdrew totally sexually and emotionally after this whole episode.

What it does is make you see what else you could be doing, how exciting life could be sexually, these guys assume they have all the sex drive and don't think about us as sexual women.

This is almost 10 years ago now, I'm still married just my libido has left the building with HRT etc so my memories of that time are now distant but my marriage was never ever the same, sex wasn't the same and frankly I wish he'd just kept the whole thing in his stupid head like I assume most men do.

I'd say he's quite the opposite - he's the opposite of the jealous type. He's the 'my wife is an object to satisfy my sexual desrires and I want to see her satisfying other mens' too. Her feelings don't count' type.

I suspect that this is really about him wanting to sleep with other women. Once you've slept with another man, he has a free ticket to do that.

And don't think it would stop there. If you did it once, do you honestly think he'd never ask again? Bearing in mind how he's been acting for YEARS?? His demands would become MORE insistent, not less.

And why would you want to be with someone who keeps on at you to do something you don't want to do? Who doesn't respect your feelings or decisions? About your own body as well??

WHy would you want to be with someone who sees you as a commodity to be shared with other men?

Why would you want to be with someone who clearly wants to sleep with other women / men?

And all of this in (what is meant to be) the most romantic / loved up time - when you're planning your wedding. I dread to think what his demands will be after you're married.

And if you go ahead, it's something he can use against you for the rest of your life. Something he'll likely tell other people about if you ever split up. 'Well she slept with another man the same year we got married'.

So so so many reasons not to do what he wants. More than that, so many reasons to leave him.

Finally NEVER EVER do anything sexually that you don't want to do 100%. And anyone who expects you to do anything you aren't 100% comfortable with is not a decent person.

I'd be very surprised if this were about getting a pass to sleep with women. Lots and lots and lots of men have this fantasy, and it's usually a combination of:

• Sexual insecurity
• Wanting to control women's sexuality out of fear - if he controls how you sleep with other men then he wouldn't be hurt if you did it
• Wanting to 'own' women/be a 'pimp'
• Sexual laziness due to excess porn - lots of men become so used to becoming aroused watching things that this becomes preferable to actual sexual activity

I've talked to a few men who have this fantasy (I am a man), and none of them have even brought up reciprocality

Get rid of him now!

He'll be sharing you out with his friends and telling you you'd do it if you loved him, because he gets his kicks from controlling you, and from either watching or imagining what you're up to.

Get yourself someone who values you - not someone who wants to pimp you out.

If you sleep with someone else that leaves an open door for him to do the same.

You say you are getting married ext year-why? he doesn't respect your body, he cant love you if he wants to ee another man pound you, as possibly infect with an STD etc.

I have only slept/kissed one man in my life, my husband- if he ever proposed such an idea we would be over, regardless how many years we have been together. He would not have the morals and standards of a man i can love.

First off many many people enjoy this type of lifestyle
it’s really black or white your ether into this type of thing or your not
this isn’t something you can do just to please someone

there’s 2 issues

his response when you say no

and long term if this is his thing and not yours I doubt your compatible

Is this a kink for him, does he get off on a fantasy of it not the actual reality. I ask as you say he pesters you by text.

If he's serious you either have to agree (and you'll end up dumping him out of resentment) or put up with persistent pestering.

Why are you wasting years of your life engaged to someone so very incompatible?

That is the question to explore here.

My urgent advice would be to not waste another minute of your life with him. Why would you agonise about how to respond to him and not just wake up and dump him?

Good luck.

I think there's a typo in your post. You surely mean ex-fiance? because why would you stay with a creep like this?

You win the internet for today 😂

Really do not marry this man. There are plenty of better fish in the sea. If you both wanted a threesome, fair enough but this man is pecking away at you when you have repeatedly told him no. End the relationship.

I don’t know why you always get instantly told to leave in these situations - like she could just easily walk away after 13 years?
As others have said, he’s allowed a fantasy, most men have them, it’s just whether they have the balls to admit it or want to do something about it.

Most importantly though, you’re allowed to say no and expect that you don’t have to hear about it again.

The problem now is, do you think he could live a life not playing out this fantasy, or will it constantly bother him?

This completely.

Please please end this relationship. It will not go away, his desire. I experienced much the same but was already married with children when the coercion started. Got woken up during the night to get ranted at about being boring and how I was holding him back!! Tried to set us up with another couple etc etc people in the area still talk about us because he was spreading the word hoping for interest
Along with other forms of domestic abuse, this harassment tipped me into a mental breakdown which I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from. I was trapped, and yes I got raped by a friend of his and yes he had another woman all along, it was a living nightmare
Im really open minded but this disgusted me, any form of coercion is a total turn off
RUN!!!!