Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

You only need to know you are dead against seeing him shag another woman, and that's what he wants really. Introducing another man would just be a stepping stone to having another woman- once you've done it, why shouldn't he will come next.
Begs the question of what his sexual history has been like given its gone on so long - bet he's indulged before?. He's probably not been entirely faithful over the years either. Might as well dump him now as this will ruin your relationship anyway.

Tell him your answer is 100% no and make sure that's all you say. Fold your arms. Don't engage further apart from repeating your no.

He knows you haven't said yes. He knows you have serious qualms. He thinks he can keep on pestering and you'll eventually agree.

He thinks you're a slab of meat, in other words. You're not a woman he loves or cherishes or honours, and he has no intention of doing any of that

Don't marry this man who has pestered you for thirteen years to have sex against your wishes and would happily watch you doing that in full knowledge that you were only doing ot to shut him up.

He has no respect for you at all and only wants to play power games with you.

You are marrying someone who wats you to sleep with another man? Yuck, he sounds like a real catch.

There's nothing wrong with verbalising sexual fantasies with your partner. Once.

There's everything wrong with repeatedly raising it, in an effort to pressure your partner, when they've made it very clear they don't want this.

I'd consider this sexually abusive, and I don't say that lightly. He doesn't care that you don't want this, he wants you to do it regardless, for him.

It's not going to get better. If you marry this man it's just going to continue. And you'll be left constantly feeling like you aren't enough for him. Leave, OP. No more conversations telling him no - you've told him no, more than enough. He doesn't care about your 'no'.

This is awful. It’ll get worse once you’re married. Not a path I’d choose. Sorry he’s doing this to you. Selfish perv.

Do you have any idea why you feel jealous and he doesn't? Does he leave you feeling insecure? Does he take you for granted/think he can do whatever he wants? What's the power balance in your relationship?

Thank you! I so needed a belly luagh; your dodhy eyes gave it to me!🤣🤣

Chuck the entire man in the bin, he’s vile.

Save yourself the heartache and leave him.
find somebody who worships you and just you

lol me too!

He's asking you to perform this for his own sexual gratification, it's called cuckolding I believe, it's likely this is just the start to be honest nd he'd want it to happen regularly I'd expect

I'd get my ducks in a row with a plan to leave him

I'd then tell him ok I'll give it a go with me choosing the man

I'd then enjoy an evening of hopefully wonderful sex and tell him how fantastic it was , how big he was , how many times I came , how easy that was , how I can't wait to do it again ... over and over and over until he was devastated

Then I'd leave him

I don't actually advise any of this but it would serve him right !

Please don't do anything you don't want to

@effoffwind I thought the same. That’d serve him right.

This.

Run. Seriously, run.

You have different values.

No way would I marry something who was coercing me in this way

This is horrendous.
He’s pushing you over and over when clearly you don’t want to.

Honestly, do you want to marry him?

I think it’s obviously his plan to push you into this set-up , and then it will be HIS TURN. Because that’s only fair, of course.

I anticipate that if you do it, he will expect to be allowed another woman.

If he only sends you this stuff when he is not with you he is probably getting off on harassing you.

What a twat. That's a porn fantasy. If you wanted to do it that's fine. But you don't. So he should shut up about it. Next time he texts you text him back no. Better still run upstairs and say no.

That is a no for me. If you open that door what else can he ask you?

Not necessarily a means for him to sleep with other women as some suggest...... He has a Cuckold fetish and that entails the man being faithful and the woman being allowed a lover/lovers.

OP....... My DP and I have been in a Cuckold relationship for 4 years now and it works very well for us. However, I Cuckold him because I want too. When it is the man that is trying to push such a thing it very rarely works.

If you don't want to do it, tell him no and explain that you do not expect to have to say no again.

I am not sure how to express this, but I’m going to try:

it doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of love in this ongoing request of his.
where’s the love and care for you in this? Wanting you to do something you don’t want to do - wanting you to be intimate with another man when you’re not interested in it - for his own viewing pleasure?

is this really a man you want to marry? Is this someone you trust to protect you and cherish you and have your best interests at heart, and be your partner?

I'm sorry, OP, but he is showing you EXACTLY who he is. Don’t ignore it. Don’t marry him.

How's he going to welcome another man into your home and watch you have sex him when he can't even talk about it with you face to face? There's nothing wrong with kink and fantasy in a relationship (where both parties consent - which here, they don't!), but this is the most bizarre bit of the story for me.

You don't mention if he's a good partner otherwise. If he is, and you don't want to leave him, I think you need to have a stern word with him and say this isn't going to happen.

Your fiance isn’t fully straight, heterosexual I mean. Most men who have this fantasy are somewhat bicurious. But RUN. He isn’t worth your time.

Anyway needless to say I never agreed to such a thing and kept telling him I was hurt that he would be want to share me.

This sounds absolutely grim @ByBreezyZebra I’d be hurt by it too and would be so put off that not only was that the sort of thing my partner wanted, but he didn’t respect my boundaries by constantly asking after your initial no.

If you had given in eventually and said yes just to shut him up, it sounds like he would have gone ahead despite not having proper consent - clear and enthusiastic. And that itself would have been the nail in the coffin for me.

OP, I’d run from your situation as well. Again, this is someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries and will always be desiring to bring these fantasies for life. I just couldn’t be with a man who actively wanted me to have sex with other men. I agree with others that his request will likely escalate even if you did agree with this . He will take it that you acquiesced once so he’ll assume you will do in the future if he just keeps asking you enough times.