Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

You’re not compatible. You both want different things. This will not end well for either of you. End it now, don’t get married and don’t have children.

He’s always going to want to do this. It’s not necessarily wrong, but it’s not for you and he is unreasonable to keep on at you when it’s clear it’s not something you’re into.

That whole "if you don't like it we don't have to do it again" is utter BS. He clearly wants this and even if you did do it (which you shouldn't if you don't want to) he'll probably start nagging you about it again once an "acceptable" time has passed- "just once more time" etc. I don't think he'll let this go and its not about "try it, you might like it"- if you don't want to do it then that is it, you don't want to do it.

This would be a complete dealbreaker for me and I would dump his ass, he sounds like an idiot and he cant even ask you to your face which shows he knows deep down he's bang out of order.

Why, if after years of him not respecting your answer are you still with him ?

OP from your update you’ve effectively told him it’s up to him to persuade you to do it - so he will. You’re intended NO conversation is just egging him on. If you don’t want to do it tell him. I think you should leave him

Perfectly worded, @barkymcbark - this is exactly what I would do, @Melly1991.

I'd tell him that l want HIM to sleep with another man before you commit yourself. See how keen he is then.
This will only escalate if you go through with it, trust me.

Same

It's horrendous that you're clearly not into it and yet he'd be ok with it if you acquiesced, and reluctantly went ahead with it. You realise that means he would actually be turned on by watching you have sex with another man when you weren't fully consenting. That's absolutely disgusting.

Agree with this

What kind of a guy pesters their partner over and over again to do something sexually that she clearly doesn’t really want to? And would enjoy it if she did finally give in and say yes, knowing she’d been badgered into it?

Not a good guy.

I wouldn't marry a bloke who kept wanting me to have sex with someone else.

Nor me. I'd be running like the wind.

Oh Ffs. He's clearly a porn addict and this will escalate once you're married. Save yourself the trouble and RUN A MILE NOW! Once you're too deep in to the marriage and have more to lose leaving him, you'll be stuck and on here asking what to do again. Please leave him now OP he doesn't love or respect you all he cares about is himself and his sick fantasises that will progress in to worse things once you sleeping with someone else doesn't do it for him anymore.

Don't marry this man. He has a fetish about watching 'his' woman having sex with another man. Don't go there. Ditch him.

It's horrendous that you're clearly not into it and yet he'd be ok with it if you acquiesced, and reluctantly went ahead with it. You realise that means he would actually be turned on by watching you have sex with another man when you weren't fully consenting. That's absolutely disgusting. Do you really want to marry a man like that?

Well said. He knows you aren't enthusiastic about this. He knows you don't really want to do it. He won't stop asking despite this. He wants to wear you down by not letting it go.

He is literally coercing you, knowingly, into doing something sexually that he knows you don't really want to do.

It makes me feel sick to my stomach that he cares so little about you he would have you do something sexually that you don't really want to do, just because it would turn him on. Maybe that's what would turn him on about it.

He's vile.

No. Just no. Sounds like you are being coerced into this and that's not a basis for a relationship.

Well if you're going to try it I would do it before you get married at least...

You obviously aren't sure. He is pressuring you by trying to wear you down until you give in and say yes. Honestly, this is going to end in tears. I have never gone down this route but from what I have read, many people live to regret things like this. They see it in porn films and think it would be great to act it out in real life but then can't face the emotions etc that it raises. Also, I would be sure concerned if you DID go ahead that he might be filming it surreptitiously and you end up on some porn website somewhere forever!! Do NOT allow yourself to be pressured. he can ask but if your answer is NO then it must be respected. I would also say this doesn't bode well for your upcoming marriage. Never mind HIM! What about YOU? Are you happy to be used as a semen receptacle with some random just so that HE can get his rocks off? Will you be able to look yourself in the eye? What will it do to your self-esteem and your self-respect? I would tell him NO in no uncertain terms because this is the start of a slippery slope, you say once yes and go through with it on the proviso that it is a one off but it won't be. You will get pressured for it again and again with more men. My advice is don't do it and get yourself a man who respects you and for whom you are enough.

Oh wow, run away girl! He’s probably watched and continues to watch a lot of porn. This is just crazy. Leave him before it’s too late. I can foresee how it all ends after you marry him. He is going to cheat on you right and left and demand crazy stuff he’s seen in some perverted videos. That’s why porn is evil and should be banned. Men get all sorts of perverted unnatural abusive ideas and then try to bring it to reality. Leave the pervert or tell him to seek help and that you would marry him on the condition he stops seeking and requesting perverted sex the same way you would leave an alcoholic or drug addict who do not want to recover. It will ruin your life.

@Melly1991 did you get chance to speak to him last night OP and tell him you’re not up for it?

This is so unbelievably a grubby idea OP. And he thinks that communicating by text is right. Do you have to settle for this failure of a human? Ugh!

@barkymcbark I will follow your comment and do this. Thank you so much for everyone's comments just confirms what I knew

FML 😂😂

@abouttogetlynched I did mention it and said I'm not doing it, he said that's fine. Until he will bring it up again so I will see and update on here if it's bought up again

I was going to say this also about the use of drugs to debilitate women so they can be raped whilst unconscious. Be careful.

I think your fiancé needs to be no longer one.

OP, do you really want to marry a man who's become a porn-addled idiot? He's watching porn and he thinks doing the same thin in reality will be a turn-on. He doesn't care what you feel about it or what it might do to your relationship, all he's concerned about is his porn obsession. He can't even talk about it face to face, it has to be done via messaging. What does that tell you about him?

It sounds like he may have a cuckold fetish (probably from porn). Does he want you to sleep with a man with a large penis? Or mention anything about that? And what about afterwards...does he want to get involved afterwards, i.e - worshipping/cleaning you after being with this other man?