Page 29 | Dp won’t let me just have a week away with family

freddosarebest · 2024-02-21T22:05:03+00:00

Curious about this. How would you feel if you planned a weeks holiday with your dc to meet up with your mum who lives overseas, when dp of 8 months is also on a planned trip to see his family elsewhere, and then dp said he wanted to come and meet up with you on your holiday despite the fact you’d booked and made plans? this has actually happened to me twice now with this person. I’m not sure if it’s a controlling red flag. We live really close together and see each other all the time, so it’s not a LDR or anything. I was looking forward to a trip with my mum and dc. I feel like if I said that to Dp he would take offence, which is why last time I said yes to him crashing and I ended up taking a day and a night away from my family.

Sceptical123 · 27/02/2024 09:49

OP, you flit from sounding so independent and together with your priorities straight - you want your own space, time with your children and mum, you have lots of friends, a career etc. That’s how you sounded at the beginning. But during this week away you have sounded more and more like a domestic abuse victim who is terrified of upsetting their abuser.

You started this thread 6 days ago! And it’s like you’re a different person reading your posts in isolation. You said you were having a lovely time but I don’t know how that could possibly be true when this man is dominating your time and thoughts and is always lurking in the back of your mind while you are meant to be with your family, casting his dark shadow over you all.

The fact you spent 4 hours on the phone to him while you’re presumably still out there - did he pay???! I’m assuming your kids were with your mum - so you’re missing out on spending precious quality time with them all because of him. It sounds as if he’s firmly lodged himself inside your head so that even if you physically extricate yourself from him he is still there controlling how you behave through fear - not love. You want to do what he wants you to bc you don’t want to risk upsetting him, bc you’re scared of him and what he’ll do!

You’ve increasingly opened up about this relationship and it’s impact on you. I believe your initial post was seeking confirmation that this man was merely being a bit unreasonable, and through sharing his behaviour more throughly and discussion with people on here you’ve thrown more of a spotlight on your relationship than I’m sure you intended or were prepared for.

But the rock has been lifted now and the horribleness that has been lurking underneath exposed. Every single person is telling you this should be the end and how you can do this. But only you can do it. If you haven’t been convinced by hundreds of posts I don’t know what it will take.

I actually don’t want to think what it will take.

Please keep yourself and your children safe from this man.

MzHz · 27/02/2024 10:18

freddosarebest · 26/02/2024 22:28

Thanks for the replies. I feel like I have no sense of whether he is abusive, manipulative, wrong, right, loving, cruel…. Or at least it swings back and forth and I feel so crazy. He always says he feels like he doesn’t know me at all, despite me sharing some of my deepest secrets, but actually do I know him? Yes he is rigid. All the things in his flat are lined up perfectly even the fridge magnets, I read a book about Chris watts the family murderer and it said his house was just like that, incredibly ocd. He goes to the gym for 2 hours at 5am every day. He won’t eat meat, fish, dairy, anything processed. He hates spending any money. I guess this rigidity manifests on the outside as well as the inside. He does scare me sometimes but I can’t even say why, he’s not physically intimidating. It’s just a feeling. I just question how I got caught up in this. I feel like I was literally targeted and pursued like a prey. And now the discard. I feel so so ashamed of myself.

I'm going to ignore the rubber neckers and focus on you @freddosarebest Please don't run scared from this thread, I know it's a lot to take in and i know how terrifying it all is, how unreal it feels and how you want - more than anything - to be wrong, for us to be wrong.

But you are not, and we are not. You do know this and I know how admitting this to yourself is a hug step.

When I realised (with the help of MN) that I was in an abusive relationship, I realised that the first person I was lying to was myself. So if all you can do today is to start to be truthful to yourself, you will get to where you need to get to, at a pace you can cope with.

I know the fear and terror people like him instill in us, it's overwhelming, and of course there is no Mr Nasty All The Time, not at this point in the relationship, of course not. He IS fluctuating and that IS to throw you off your balance, so you are easier to control.

Be strong little one, you can absolutely do this. Take ONE step today. just one. The NEXT tep after that will be just that little bit easier.

Everythinggreen · 27/02/2024 10:32

Fallingirl · 27/02/2024 04:56

It is also disturbing for him to say “our family”. Your children are not his, you are not a family. He talks like he already considers your children to be his property. Without your consent, or even having met the children. That is very much not normal.

He hasn't even met the kids making it even more disturbing and bizarre 🫤

Rosscameasdoody · 27/02/2024 10:46

Everythinggreen · 27/02/2024 10:32

He hasn't even met the kids making it even more disturbing and bizarre 🫤

Show quote history

The reason he hasn’t met her children is that OP doesn’t want him to - too early in the relationship and anything but permanent. Introducing this man to her children now is about the worst thing she could do.

Blocketyblocked · 27/02/2024 10:57

OP it gets worse and worse the more you post and I agree that phonecall was a test. My ex did similar when I had holidays eithout him. I was also I my early 30s/ him late 40s him issues with career, friends etc. Rather than deal with their own issues they drag you down to make you feel you can't do better. My exs parting shot to me was no other man would want me. It's bollocks. Also your kids will pick up on it. I've already seen such a huge change in my child and its been 4 months out for me. Our life is so much happier, more positive. I was told on here that if I stayed I risked losing my child as staying in these relationships is exposing them which is child abuse. Please speak to womens aid and get a safety exit planned. Its important to leave safely.

MiltonNorthern · 27/02/2024 11:00

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/02/2024 09:29

I'm finding some of the OP's posts increasingly astonishing - despite all she told us at the beginning, she had unprotected sex with him the night before her departure; despite absolutely deciding to end it, she did a 4 hour call in which she begged him for 'another chance'.

If this IS genuine, OP - you need to listen to those telling you that at the moment, you're risking your CHILDREN'S safety.

Show quote history

Let's be fair. She said she's on the pill. She's not trying to have a baby. This man is taking the fact that she has condom free sex with him as some kind of commitment, and berating her with it.

Sceptical123 · 27/02/2024 11:36

freddosarebest · 26/02/2024 21:12

I feel stupid. We spoke on the phone for 4 hours last night. A lot of that,I was crying, he was angry (although he claimed he was just “aggravated”). He was making all of our problems my fault, saying how I didn’t treat him in a loving way and he didn’t deserve the way I treated him. My main crime being that when I’m away I “drop him” and apparently last week for the first 4 days, he was getting so upset by it that he felt like he was going to have a heart at
tack. Apparently a 5 min phone call at bedtime every day or when I had time on my own would have solved this but I made him feel unloved and ghosted. (Even though in that time, I called him on 2 different days, and texted the other 2, albeit not a lot because I was jsut in the moment on holiday. Also he didn’t reply to my text for 12 hours the day he left, and he stopped talking to me when he got angry) i think it was all really about me “not wanting” to see him on holiday. He couldn’t accept that if we were in a relationship and in the same area (albeit 3 hours apart! We are not in the U.K. by the way) we wouldn’t meet up. He was like “I would drive for 3 hours to see you for 10 minutes”. I couldn’t give a satisfactory explanation for why I wasn’t keen on doing that and he made it also about the fact I don’t want him to meet my dc, or I’m trying to “keep him away” from my family. Basically, I was left feeling like the shittest partner ever. I found myself apologising so much, and panicking. I don’t know why I’m so trauma bonded to this guy. I felt secure about ending it but he tapped into all my low self esteem and guilt. Honestly the way he acted it was like I’d cheated on him while I was away or something really terrible I did. He kept saying he can’t see us in a long term relationship as we argue too much, when I pointed out he often instigates the arguments by being moody or pushing buttons (lots of examples of this) he didn’t accept that, and when I pointed out I had felt less good about opening up and enjoying our time together since he has already dumped me once before, and often pushes topics I don’t want to discuss or expresses a lot of doubts about the relationship, which maybe why I haven’t moved as fast as he would like, he didn’t see that point of view either. Basically, I’m not reliable, I’m not loving, I’m not committed. He added some weird stuff about how when I’m hanging out with someone else I just put my attention on them but when he’s with anyone else (which he never is as he has 1 friend and some family who live far away) I am always his number 1. He said if we got married, I would always want us to go on holiday with my mum and that wasnt normal. He said I’m obsessed with peoples status and talent because I follow people on social media etc (he’s said this before, it seems to be a preoccupation of his.) he was scathing about how I act so “strong” when I’m with my mum or others, like when I called him out on the phone the other night about his insistence. He said I clearly have had unprotected (on the pill) sex with lots of people (I haven’t, only a couple of others) so it means nothing to me but because we had unprotected sex the day before I left i May as well have proposed to him and he felt like he wasn’t able to even come see me and meet his “future mother in law”. All this. He wasn’t fucking invited, he just invited himself, but apparently tahts what couples do. It just boggled me for the whole 4 hour conversation. All I did in this instance was to communicate less albeit daily while on holiday. I didn’t leave him high and dry at home, he was also supposedly busy. Im so ashamed that I ended up begging him to give us another chance and he said he needed some time to think about it and he wouldn’t be back for at least a week as he can’t be in the same area as me while he thinks about us as he needs to be around people who make him feel “strong” and he feels weak around me. He wouldn’t say whether or not he wanted to be with me as he loves me but I have hurt him so much, and he said all I care about is wanting an answer on when he’s coming back and whether he wants to be with me. Like he wouldn’t feel the same way if I had acted this way. he was like “unlike you I don’t just want to continue the relationship at all costs” … but 2 weeks ago he made me say outright that I would “never leave him”. That he fears losing me so much. Now apparently he couldn’t care less.

I woke up this morning and felt sick with embarrassment and confusion how that all went down. I sent another email saying I didn’t think it was a good idea. It’s like he causes a physical reaction of panic in me. I don’t know why, maybe because he has threatened the relationship so many times, written all these emails talking about how deep yet dysfunctional his feelings for me are. Even when thins h were good with us he would tell me he loves watching movies about dysfunctional relationships because they remind him of us. That hurt, actually. He would chase me for days if I was upset with him, make me say outright I would never leave. But he has also many times said he needs “space” to figure out if he wants this. I have cried in his arms so many times. Sat on this one spot on his sofa crying, feeling so panicked. I am a woman in mid 30s, a mother, how have I been reduced to this? I’m not trying to be harsh, but he’s 40-odd, has erectile problems, a history of emotional/verbal abuse in his marriage that he claimed to have solved himself through 8 weeks of therapy, he is balding, doesn’t use deodorant or have a smartphone or eat meat or drink alcohol because he feels he is so alternative, he has no career, he lives in a month to month rental. He blames me for distracting him from working, from managing his finances, but those were all choices he has made. I never asked anything unreasonable of him.

Some of the things I’ve done that I think are loving… I wrote him a poem for every day he went away for a week, I took time out of my family holiday to go and meet his family, I’ve given him countless little gifts including a hand painted thing I made, brought him stuff when he was sick, met him at the airport some distance away, I make sure to see him almost every day when dc aren’t around and made myself available for phone calls whenever I could, I planned some lovely dates (all of which he acted a bit off on), emotionally supported him about some really difficult stuff he was processing, bought him meals/takeaways, told him all the time how lovely he was. I know it doesn’t seem like much but I never have dumped him or been spiteful to him about his character like he has to me.

this is just a vent really. I know I’ve acted stupidly here and I feel really ashamed for getting so panicked. It was just the way he was being towards me, so angry and decrying everything about us and me. It made me want to save it for some reason. I must have real self esteem issues.

Ok so you’ve listed a very long list of reasons he doesn’t like you.

What does he like about you?

If you ever speak to him again, ask him. If he says ‘nothing right now’ or ‘I honestly don’t know!’ You have your easy exit -

“Fine. It will be in both our interests if we end it then.”

End of. Job done. Your new life awaits.

Enjoy it 🩷

Hellsmells · 27/02/2024 12:13

@freddosarebest you need to leave. It's very uncomfortable how pushy he is about meeting your kids. It's also very uncomfortable to hear that you are willing to risk their safety to have a man in your life. Look after them properly and get rid of him. It's scary that you are keeping them in his orbit. Everyone is saying the same thing. LTB.

Lotsofsnacks · 27/02/2024 12:41

Sahlife · 26/02/2024 21:22

Just stop.
Think of your children. You are a mother.
How could you entertain this man being in your life and potentially being around them. He's so so toxic and yes you do have serious self esteem issues.
Please block him. He is praying on your vulnerabilities.

This! OP you need tough love, block this guy now, do not engage! He’s messing with your head. You can do so
much better!! Why be with someone who causes you so much anxiety?

Worriedforyourchildren · 27/02/2024 13:24

Thank goodness you haven't allowed this man to meet your children. For gods sake if for no other reason than your children's future you need to dump him now. He is manipulating you and will continue to isolate you from all your family and friends until he is your whole world. Walk away!... in fact run and consider yourself lucky to have escaped.

Everythinggreen · 27/02/2024 13:29

Rosscameasdoody · 27/02/2024 10:46

The reason he hasn’t met her children is that OP doesn’t want him to - too early in the relationship and anything but permanent. Introducing this man to her children now is about the worst thing she could do.

Show quote history

Clearly if you bothered to read other things I wrote and advice to her over the last few days, before piping up, you'd see that was aimed at HIM being bizarre over the "our family" not OP.

cooldarkroom · 27/02/2024 13:52

Well your last post tells you he is all wrong. You are deep in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt)
Please just ditch him. don't spend hours on the phone agonizing over his accusations & your defending yourself.
This is SO wrong. He is also TELLING you he is going to punish you if you don't do as your told. at what point can you not see how controlling this is.

Re read your last post..... What would you say to your daughter, or your sister if they told you this ??
Don't walk RUN

RosaMoline · 27/02/2024 13:53

I suspect that OP has taken him back & is too embarrassed to revisit this thread.

IncompleteSenten · 27/02/2024 14:08

Tbh it has been obvious all the way through she's going to cling on to this man no matter what he puts her through.

I feel so sorry for her because this can't be nice and what she truly desires but I hope she at least safeguards her children because she's making a choice but they don't have that luxury. They can only suffer the choices she makes.

SpringleDingle · 27/02/2024 14:08

I had this with my ex. We were together 3.5 years and it was total push me - pull you and I was ALWAYS the unreasonable one. He had been cheated on in the past and that was his go to... not enough communication "you must be cheating" until I turned myself inside out to try and match his needs. Every 3 to 6 months we'd have a big blow out (all my fault of course) and no matter why I thought we were originally arguing we ended up with me apologising.

The last straw was around him standing me up (again) and I shouted. I didn't hit him, or call him names, or threaten him - I just told him how annoyed I was that he was standing me up again after I'd rearranged my plans to fit with his again. I am not entirely sure I even raised my voice (shouting isn't my thing). He said he felt triggered and that I'd given him the ick. He pulled right back on communication and I did the same. I wasn't sure where we'd left it but I enjoyed the peace. Then he started sending me texts saying "hi, how's it going?" How do you answer that when you had a row and now haven't talked since? So I ignored the first one and he sent nasty messages about me ignoring him so I tried to explain that I didn't really know what to say and we should talk and he said he didn't want to yet... Then he said I should take DD on the romantic Xmas break he and I had booked and as that was the 3rd Xmas he'd cancelled plans with me I dumped him, by text.

Oh my god - the barrage of messages. No sorry just lots and lots of explanation of why I was unreasonable and demanding. Some nasty sex stuff that maybe was supposed to be alluring. It went on and on and I found myself justifying things over and over again until eventually I lost my temper and told him to go away and started blocking. I had to work hard as he kept finding new ways to sneak in and berate me.

8 months later (seriously 8 months!!) he sent me an email to an address I'd obviously missed in the blocking wishing me a happy birthday and saying I'd really misunderstood some stuff between us. Stupidly I replied to say thanks for the good wishes and not to worry about the past, I wasn't annoyed anymore - it was all water under the bridge and I'd moved on and he should to. And back it came - he was so sad, he didn't understand what happened, etc.. and my anxiety came flooding back! It was horrible. I got my sister (a cop) to tell him to get knotted and blocked that email too.

The only way to get away from this guy is not to engage. Block block block and avoid. He'll keep brow beating you into thinking it's all your fault. Clean break!

whatsitcalledwhen · 27/02/2024 14:12

At this point OP, as harsh as this sounds, you're choosing this man over your children despite the fact he's never met them.

Because you're choosing to engage with him despite knowing he is toxic and doesn't make you happy. Choosing to let him take up a crazy amount of headspace and real life time to indulge the toxic dynamic you have with him. Choosing to spend time and energy on him that you could be spending on working on yourself, or with your children.

It's time to put them first now. Time to stop begging a man to stay with you when he's abusive and you have children, even if he hasn't met them yet.

You need to completely disengage and block him. Then have some serious counselling to unpick why you've entertained him for so long and why you've found it so hard to walk away despite it being best for you and your children.

SamW98 · 27/02/2024 14:17

@whatsitcalledwhen

Absolutely 💯 👏

OP by letting this man manipulate and monopolise your every waking hour you are actively choosing to put his needs before your DC.

Every minute you waste on his pathetic whiney arse is a minute you’re neglecting the needs of your DC.

He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s forcing you to choose him and you’re facilitating it. Please wake the fuck up before the damage goes too far

Dontbeme · 27/02/2024 14:32

He will move into your home and start laying down the law as the "man of the house".
He will start disciplining your children as the "man of the house".
He will expect the entire household to run in a way that he sees fit without thinking of anyone else's needs.
When you are celebrating Christmas with the kids he will throw a strop,
If you are arranging a birthday party for your kids - strop,
Parents evening at school - strop,
Kid is sick and needs your attention -strop,
Your child needs anything at all - strop.
Working late or got stuck in traffic - strop,
Anything that takes your focus off him and is redirected to the needs of another - strop.
An unknown man walked past you in Tesco - cheating slut strop,
You and the children will spend your lives walking on eggshells to not upset him and to avoid hours long lectures on the all the ways you are failing him/disappointing him/sneezing wrong.
He will wear everyone of you down, until one day your kids are old enough to leave home and you will be stuck with him 100% of the time and your kids won't visit you as you forced them to be raised in that environment.

This is what your children's life will be like of you continue on with this guy, block and delete.

NettleTea · 27/02/2024 14:46

I had a friend who was with a man like this. destroyed her, and even worse, destroyed her young daughter who is now barely is able to leave the house at a point when she should be going to college and starting her life

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2024 14:52

freddosarebest · 26/02/2024 21:32

He jsut always makes me feel like the toxic one. So uncaring and selfish and cold. He also said that if we carried on with the bad communication he would get “colder and meaner” and it’s the kind of thing that would “make him walk out on our family”. That stuff is not normal to say?? He blames these type of comments on his absuive childhood. Always his excuse. I feel like I’ve done something terrible when all I did was go on holiday without him and not call him every day. Is this fucking normal?! I know it isn’t.

Is there any way you can afford counselling?

It would really, really help you to see what this is and to get away from him

PorridgeEater · 27/02/2024 16:48

freddosarebest · 26/02/2024 21:12

I feel stupid. We spoke on the phone for 4 hours last night. A lot of that,I was crying, he was angry (although he claimed he was just “aggravated”). He was making all of our problems my fault, saying how I didn’t treat him in a loving way and he didn’t deserve the way I treated him. My main crime being that when I’m away I “drop him” and apparently last week for the first 4 days, he was getting so upset by it that he felt like he was going to have a heart at
tack. Apparently a 5 min phone call at bedtime every day or when I had time on my own would have solved this but I made him feel unloved and ghosted. (Even though in that time, I called him on 2 different days, and texted the other 2, albeit not a lot because I was jsut in the moment on holiday. Also he didn’t reply to my text for 12 hours the day he left, and he stopped talking to me when he got angry) i think it was all really about me “not wanting” to see him on holiday. He couldn’t accept that if we were in a relationship and in the same area (albeit 3 hours apart! We are not in the U.K. by the way) we wouldn’t meet up. He was like “I would drive for 3 hours to see you for 10 minutes”. I couldn’t give a satisfactory explanation for why I wasn’t keen on doing that and he made it also about the fact I don’t want him to meet my dc, or I’m trying to “keep him away” from my family. Basically, I was left feeling like the shittest partner ever. I found myself apologising so much, and panicking. I don’t know why I’m so trauma bonded to this guy. I felt secure about ending it but he tapped into all my low self esteem and guilt. Honestly the way he acted it was like I’d cheated on him while I was away or something really terrible I did. He kept saying he can’t see us in a long term relationship as we argue too much, when I pointed out he often instigates the arguments by being moody or pushing buttons (lots of examples of this) he didn’t accept that, and when I pointed out I had felt less good about opening up and enjoying our time together since he has already dumped me once before, and often pushes topics I don’t want to discuss or expresses a lot of doubts about the relationship, which maybe why I haven’t moved as fast as he would like, he didn’t see that point of view either. Basically, I’m not reliable, I’m not loving, I’m not committed. He added some weird stuff about how when I’m hanging out with someone else I just put my attention on them but when he’s with anyone else (which he never is as he has 1 friend and some family who live far away) I am always his number 1. He said if we got married, I would always want us to go on holiday with my mum and that wasnt normal. He said I’m obsessed with peoples status and talent because I follow people on social media etc (he’s said this before, it seems to be a preoccupation of his.) he was scathing about how I act so “strong” when I’m with my mum or others, like when I called him out on the phone the other night about his insistence. He said I clearly have had unprotected (on the pill) sex with lots of people (I haven’t, only a couple of others) so it means nothing to me but because we had unprotected sex the day before I left i May as well have proposed to him and he felt like he wasn’t able to even come see me and meet his “future mother in law”. All this. He wasn’t fucking invited, he just invited himself, but apparently tahts what couples do. It just boggled me for the whole 4 hour conversation. All I did in this instance was to communicate less albeit daily while on holiday. I didn’t leave him high and dry at home, he was also supposedly busy. Im so ashamed that I ended up begging him to give us another chance and he said he needed some time to think about it and he wouldn’t be back for at least a week as he can’t be in the same area as me while he thinks about us as he needs to be around people who make him feel “strong” and he feels weak around me. He wouldn’t say whether or not he wanted to be with me as he loves me but I have hurt him so much, and he said all I care about is wanting an answer on when he’s coming back and whether he wants to be with me. Like he wouldn’t feel the same way if I had acted this way. he was like “unlike you I don’t just want to continue the relationship at all costs” … but 2 weeks ago he made me say outright that I would “never leave him”. That he fears losing me so much. Now apparently he couldn’t care less.

I woke up this morning and felt sick with embarrassment and confusion how that all went down. I sent another email saying I didn’t think it was a good idea. It’s like he causes a physical reaction of panic in me. I don’t know why, maybe because he has threatened the relationship so many times, written all these emails talking about how deep yet dysfunctional his feelings for me are. Even when thins h were good with us he would tell me he loves watching movies about dysfunctional relationships because they remind him of us. That hurt, actually. He would chase me for days if I was upset with him, make me say outright I would never leave. But he has also many times said he needs “space” to figure out if he wants this. I have cried in his arms so many times. Sat on this one spot on his sofa crying, feeling so panicked. I am a woman in mid 30s, a mother, how have I been reduced to this? I’m not trying to be harsh, but he’s 40-odd, has erectile problems, a history of emotional/verbal abuse in his marriage that he claimed to have solved himself through 8 weeks of therapy, he is balding, doesn’t use deodorant or have a smartphone or eat meat or drink alcohol because he feels he is so alternative, he has no career, he lives in a month to month rental. He blames me for distracting him from working, from managing his finances, but those were all choices he has made. I never asked anything unreasonable of him.

Some of the things I’ve done that I think are loving… I wrote him a poem for every day he went away for a week, I took time out of my family holiday to go and meet his family, I’ve given him countless little gifts including a hand painted thing I made, brought him stuff when he was sick, met him at the airport some distance away, I make sure to see him almost every day when dc aren’t around and made myself available for phone calls whenever I could, I planned some lovely dates (all of which he acted a bit off on), emotionally supported him about some really difficult stuff he was processing, bought him meals/takeaways, told him all the time how lovely he was. I know it doesn’t seem like much but I never have dumped him or been spiteful to him about his character like he has to me.

this is just a vent really. I know I’ve acted stupidly here and I feel really ashamed for getting so panicked. It was just the way he was being towards me, so angry and decrying everything about us and me. It made me want to save it for some reason. I must have real self esteem issues.

Well he's given you your way out. If you're not treating him as he wants and he "can't see you in a long term relationship" etc that's every reason to say you need a break for both your sakes. But in spite of all the good advice on here you don't seem to be acting on it.
Maybe counselling would be a good idea.

Hellsmells · 27/02/2024 16:56

I feel like you need this to be said definitively for you to belive it.....

Yes, this man IS ABUSIVE.

Please leave.

SpacePotato · 27/02/2024 16:58

Looks like we are all wasting our time here doesn't it op.

You don't want to listen.

he has no career, he lives in a month to month rental. He blames me for distracting him from working, from managing his finances

You would be an absolute fucking fool not to see that this is why he's love bombing you and desperate to move in, where he will want marriage so he can take your home and money.

He will destroy you and your relationship with your child and mum.

If you cannot bloody cope speaking to him on the phone DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Text him goodbye they block, block, block.

Stop giving him the power and opportunity to manipulate you, then get some counselling so you don't ever put up with this shit again.

Zyq · 27/02/2024 17:04

Goodness, it sounds as if @SpringleDingle's ex has moved on to you, OP.

Seriously, how could you bear to waste four hours of your life listening to him whining and trying to gaslight you? This man is unbelievably arrogant, selfish and abusive and your life will be massively improved once he's firmly consigned to history.

Sceptical123 · 27/02/2024 17:10

I’m worried OP may have revealed more than she had intended to and is regretting it now. I hope that’s not the case OP. You’ve got so much support. He’s an evil man that means you harm, no matter how attractive you find him. He will harm you. There’s so much help out there for you. It may seem really daunting but it’s going to be so much less complicated than staying with him, even in the short term.