Would you date a person who didn’t have contact with their children?

[Rainbow03]

I’m just a little baffled (and a bit bored to be wondering it). But why would a person date another person who didn’t have contact with their child.

For context my ex didn’t have contact because I stopped it due to abuse and a judge denied it for years. But in the meantime he met a lady (who is nice) and had a baby with him.

Wouldn’t that be an absolutely huge red flag. I mean the story he must have told must have been outstanding. My daughter does see him now and the lady really is very good with her and is kind.

For me yes it would be a red flag because I'm very aware of situations like yours where there's a very good reason why someone should be stopped from having contact. But then I also know a guy who's ex just refused to maintain contact (she cited bullying between step siblings as the reason, it was never anything to do with his parenting, although having seen the kids together very often I really don't think this was ever a real reason and the child said it was all a lie). She kept refusing to send the son to contact and he eventually just couldn't afford to keep up with the court costs and her wealthy new boyfriend paid all of hers. So he was essentially priced out of access to his son and it felt very much like a control move on the new boyfriends part. So i think it would absolutely make me very cautious, but I'd probably take my time to know who he is and take things based on the info I had.

they were 7 and 10

they probably also wanted sweets for breakfast and not to do their homework

it’s great that ten years later you’re still together @24hrCarer but surely you see you took a huge risk with the stability and home-life of your young children by moving him in after 3 months?

Was their father in their lives?

That's why I didn't listen to them and didn't move him in after 2 weeks. I was older and knew what I wanted and didn't want and had been through enough in my previous marriage to know red flags. Like I said, DH had known my eldest daughter before he knew me so she was already very comfortable with him.

Yes their father was involved at the time I think. Not particularly regular contact though.

and you’ve been through the family courts re your ex @24hrCarer . Was that following moving in boyfriend at 3 months?

and your boyfriend now husband… his ex has taken him to court or he’d taken her to court for access?

My ex? No that was when we separated. Or do you mean DHs ex?

both of you have been through family courts - you and your DH?

ah ok

so when you moved your boyfriend in after 3 months, what was their fathers take on it?

Yes for very different reasons.

@Firstnews24 He didn't say anything about it. Wasn't his decision.

Not really.

While he was awful to me, he's never been anything like that to our DC.

He wasn't abusive to his ex as far as I'm aware (and she did not raise any concerns of that nature in any of the court papers; I read through them all), so I still don't understand why she thought it was ok to go NC with their DC. EXDP and his DC missed out on a year of their relationship when his DC was about 6.

Unless there was domestic abuse of some kind, I personally wouldn't stop a Dad seeing his DC, as i feel it's important for DC to have that relationship.