Would you date a person who didn’t have contact with their children?

[Rainbow03]

I’m just a little baffled (and a bit bored to be wondering it). But why would a person date another person who didn’t have contact with their child.

For context my ex didn’t have contact because I stopped it due to abuse and a judge denied it for years. But in the meantime he met a lady (who is nice) and had a baby with him.

Wouldn’t that be an absolutely huge red flag. I mean the story he must have told must have been outstanding. My daughter does see him now and the lady really is very good with her and is kind.

Absolutely not - it would be a massive red flag. My partner has a wonderful relationship with his adult sons and I find that so attractive. Although he is a widower, there was no martial break up. I also love how nicely and respectfully he talks about his late wife. They had amicably decided to split but before they told their sons (who were 26 and 28 at the time), she was diagnosed with MND. So they stayed together and he cared for her. Had he gone ahead and left her that would have also been a red flag.

No

Yes I feel really sorry for parents & grandparents in this position. The family court will definitely go with the resident parent & often if they really don't want it there's absolutely nothing they can or will do. There's never been a case where they've prosecuted (or if there is, it's very rare) for not following a court order. So some get contact & if the resident parent doesn't comply with the order the courts don't tend to act.
It's a bit of a toothless system & it has been that way for years.
However to answer your question no it wouldn't put me off. It would depend on the story behind the lack of contact.

I mean she must see something in him?
To go through all that court stuff - a lot of guys would have given up

No I wouldn’t. I would struggle to date a man who had low contact too, unless there was a very good reason (which I probably wouldn’t believe anyway)

I can't have children so yes, I would absolutely harsh judge someone who doesn't see theirs regular or be an important part of their life.

I know there are always exception but I would want to fully understand and evidence all of the circumstances. If he decided not to fight things in the courts or if they were evidence that his visiting has having a negative impact on the child (mother's reaction, child scared of father due to what mother tells the child about him etc). If I would get comfortable that all that, maybe but there would need to be a lot of mitigating circumstances.

Firstnews24

That really doesn't make any sense though does it?

Because your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend could still be a bunny boiler irrelevant if they had kids together or not.

Lots of unhinged people out there with or without kids.

The only way you can be 100% sure is that your children won't get hurt by staying single.

I think child free women, especially younger ones, don't know the reality of parenting and long term relationship dynamics so can take 'she doesn't let me see them as she's so bitter' at face value

@Chickpea17

do you have 1 child or 4?

For ten years I've been the crazy ex keeping him from his children he has had very little contact unless it serves him he is forever taking me to court when he gets the money together but he never manages it because he always leaves his job so the child support cannot find him (good father that he is) he has inherited thousands and not spent a penny on taking me to court or on his children or even his child support arrears because devoted father that he is always cuts me off financially Christmas and in the 6 weeks holiday

His wife must know he is lying she must know that inheritance of thousands means you can afford a couple of hundred to take me to court however she has moved away from his children with him and been on holidays driving in vehicles paid for by the inheritance she clearly knows and is just as bad as him

Firstnews24

I have 1 5 year old daughter and I'm still with her dad

i should have been more clear

i am never getting involved with any man who has no contact with his children. period. not even dating.

and re men with children… happy to date but never in a month of sundays would we ever bland mangle families.

This is my children’s home and will remain as such
and i am first and foremost their mum, and will always prioritise them. So the idea of having to share my home with other children in any capacity whatsoever or even every other weekend… nope.

interesting

on one thread you say you have one child. a 4 year old.

one another you say you have 4 children.

and now you have a 15 year old daughter

all in space of last couple of years

🤔

quite the storyteller
you on a thread about most difficult jump in number of children…
Chickpea17 · 15/09/2022 08:56

3 to 4 so far I'm hoping things will change soon 😫

but 3 months previously

Chickpea17 · 26/07/2022 21:58

Only had one only ever wanted one. Me and my husband decided very early on that we only wanted to give our full attention to one child so for us money got nothing to do with it.

another fruitcake

News to me the 15 would have been a typo. And my daughter only turned five in September just gone so yes she would've been 4 in any comments I would've been made September.

so excuse me if i take all your posts with a pinch of salt 🤷‍♀️

it was number of children

not age of children!

Firstnews24

News to me the 15 would have been a typo. And my daughter only turned five in September just gone so yes she would've been 4 in any comments I had made before made September.

To ask which number of children you found hardest?

in any event, i suppose we will have to agree to disagree.

I don’t take risks with my love life when it comes to boyfriends 🤷‍♀️

I’m married to a wonderful man who had no contact until his son was 14. There was an acrimonious break up when his son was young and his mum denied access and also refused to let his family (ie GPs) have anything to do with their child. His son tracked him down as a teenager. I was very suspicious and seriously considered ending it when he told me but asked a very good friend for their advice. She told me there are men who have no contact-and some are broken by the endless challenges of trying to see their children. FWIW, my dh and his son now have a lovely relationship-his son is now 29 and loves his dad. It was a long time before his son could tell his mother he was seeing his dad. But the lack of those years is really sad and a burden my dh has to bear. I never thought I could date a man who had no contact-but I did. It depends on the context.

Firstnews24

Obviously a typo who the hell have 15 kids

No I couldn't. If it was a "crazy ex" or whatever story I was told withholding contact to be nasty, I wouldn't welcome that hassle and drama into my children's lives. If it was a man who'd chosen not to be in his kids lives, then I've zero respect for that

3-4 kids you wrote on the thread about hardest jump in number of children you had!

exactly

both scenarios thoroughly unappealing

but according to some we’re being too cautious in that approach 😂