Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hey, if you see a problem with a product, create a product that solves the problem. Shall we create an app that requires you to meet a match say once a month or you get booted??

@friendswiththemonstera good idea!

@JH20000 one guy I met (yes, actually met!) admitted so much the validation thing. So yes. He had moved onto meeting, clearly we had a connection and he was attracted to me, yet still freaked out when it got a bit real and scarpered into friendzoning. I really think the format encourages guys to treat dating (and therefore women) as a game, as though the people they meet in this “game” are somehow less real, more disposable, have less feelings, hence the crazy behaviour

Totally agree with the comments above - I started OLD initially before I met my ex husband in 2014 and it was definitely better. I do think they are now treating it as a game. I’m meant to be going out on weds night with a guy who hasn’t been in touch since last week so assuming that isn’t happening. I did check in on Fri with a msg saying I hoped he enjoyed his golf thing he went to but just got a very generic reply. I won’t be msg again.

Yep, I had a guy say to me once he had started to like me and it ‘scared him’. This was a fully grown 40 year old man too 😒😂

The man I was supposed to meet today has sent another text to say he’s sorry, he has anxiety about meeting people & it’s kept him up all night so he’s not ready for dating evidently. This ‘meet’ was a quick coffee and a walk to see if we clicked, and was planned for over a week with him even re-confirming it yesterday and saying he was excited to finally meet me. You honestly can’t make this s**t up 😂

I am trying to take dating casually, whilst my last relationship was a car crash I do want to meet someone to build something with. I’m not in a major rush to jump into a relationship but I definitely definitely want to meet someone who can communicate well and doesn’t mess about.

Morning All,

I hope that you are all having a good weekend.

I am seeking your sound advice… I went on a date last night. The guy was good looking and we had a lot in common. However, I didn’t feel a spark. Also, turn offs were that he was quite moany (maybe nerves 🤷‍♀️), I thought that he was rude to the bar staff and he nursed one small glass of wine for 3 hours!

The thing is that I must have been on nearly 20 dates. Some have been lovely but, no spark and some not. I am looking for someone who I genuinely click with and clicks with me. Am I being too fussy?

IRL, I have a great social life and plenty of friends. I just haven’t met anyone special. Is it time to give up?

@Mollymolloy I've been on a similar number of dates. Like you, I sometimes I feel that I'm never going to find someone I feel chemistry with, but I have met lots of decent guys, usually with just minor issues that I found a turn-off. I don't think it's too fussy - I'm not looking for perfection but there are some standards I uphold!

So while I'm still hopeful I might meet someone nice through work/activities etc, I'm inclined to still use OLD as an additional, alternative route to find men I wouldn't otherwise encounter. And I pause it when I've temporarily had enough.

@Mollymolloy depends how rude. That's a massive red flag for me. If it was just nerves then you could give him one more date. But I don't think it's fussy not to like someone who wasn't pleasant company for you or others around you.

Thanks very much @Chocolatefreak and @friendswiththemonstera. Everyone seems to be coupled up with lovely people and I can’t seem to find one!

To be honest, he was very rude to the staff all the way through the evening which really put me off. It was so unnecessary.

i have a phone call with a new iron this afternoon and then I am calling it a day for a bit. Good luck out there everyone 😊

First date of 2024 today!

Will report back.

@Mollymolloy oh no, rude to the staff all evening? Betrays a lot of deeper issues and just unpleasant. You see the measure of a person in how they treat people they perceive as beneath them or weaker than them. I'd not be going on a second date with him either. You'll only find someone nice by sacking off the ones that aren't!

Hey friends, so I have had my break and it has done me good! I went back on the apps last week, chatting to a few and have a date next weekend. We have FaceTimed and spoken in the week, plus a few messages. He seems lovely, so will update when I have met him in person!

Feel quite relaxed about dating this year and actually will take it as it comes. Whatever happens, happens.

Would you all do a video chat before meeting in person?

Hope it goes well look forward to the update!

Sounding good 🤞

I would after the first phone conversation. I would prefer the first phone call to be more anonymous and then if conversation flowed I would have a video chat.

I never have. I’ve been asked but I don’t do video calls - nothing to hide I just think they’re awful.

I have done and the men I’ve asked have never had a problem. At least you know they’re not catfishing. It’s also a good gauge to how they’re like in real time - phone calls are also good for this. There’s no time to think up an answer to a question for example.

I don't do video calls or calls either (I do enough of them at work!), straight to a meeting, but something like coffee/ drink.

OK, good. I'm going for a coffee with someone on Thursday. I've managed to find him on Google so he seems to be who he says he is so I think it's all good.

Just a random musing for a Sunday night but does anyone else think there are more time wasters than ever on OLD?

I have been on OLD twice before in my life (2009ish and 2020ish) and I swear dating sites/apps used to be a better experience. This time around it’s just full of men looking for ego boosts/pen pals and complete weirdos or married men!

I personally don’t video call or even call before meeting someone in person.

But I do keep first dates to a coffee/drink so I can wrap things up quickly if it’s a disaster.

My date went well - lots to chat about and he looked like his photos (always a bonus).

He’s on a work trip next week then I’m on a work trip the following week so we’ll see when we get to see each other again (if he even wants to see me again 😅).

I would say yes to a second date ☺️

This is the sort of vetting I do too! (Rather than video calls etc.)

That's great! I hope you get a second date!

It's actually shocking how easily you can find people with just their first name and job!