Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@RadiantRainbow also, to answer your question I made it clear to Mr Photographer that I was not attracted - here (I'm not in the UK) it's fine to say the equivalent of 'no feeling' and everybody accepts that.

This…. I started it up again on Hinge on Sunday. It’s all “paddle boards, love my dog, must be active and enjoy the outdoors”. I have been really demotivated. I have also tried Bumble yesterday but the pool on there seems horrific. Question from me is, has online dating now completely gone to the dogs or is there a better site?? I’m in Wales and not a big city either.

I don’t believe all the frantic outdoors stuff you see on men’s profiles. And if it is true, it explains why their wives divorced them - taking no part in family life ie selfish twat!

The ones I see who are activity obsessed are all 50+ so having a post divorce MLC I think.

Im in Essex so have no idea where they’re finding these mountains to climb every weekend

Re different sites, I met one really genuine guy on Hinge (didn’t fancy, we became friends) and then I basically stopped getting any matches. Bumble was way more productive, but it annoyed me I had to message first. Also, now I’m in a small town, it’s the same old male suspects with a huge pool of great women. Never tried Tinder but friends have had “success”. Am firmly IRL only at the moment

@Chocolatefreak I also find smooth men a turn off, though it only started when I was over 30...

I guess if everything else was great I could overlook it, but when it's another drop on the "I am not sure" pan of the scales...

Also my new iron really reminds me of my BIL!
Who I introduced to my DSis exactly because he was lovely(met at work) but didn't rock my boat, and she fell in love instantly, they've been married 20 years this year
I forwarded DSis his photo and she said OMG I love this type! And I thought "of course you do" 😆

@SamW98 just want to say a lot of your posts about dating stories etc make me laugh (horrified laughter 😄) I just can't quote all of them but they are very entertaining.
Hope you get better luck once you move and try again. I have never had any sleazy remarks yet(but am only on Bumble), I wonder if you naturally look like some kind of femme fatale who overexcites men 😂?

@RadiantRainbow

Thank you. Think it’s the fact if I didn’t laugh I’d cry 🤣🤣

We’ve got a single ladies WhatsApp group where we share our dating horror stories and screenshots of dreadful messages. It’s an eye opener but also too to know it’s not just me.

I do sometimes think my appearance means they make assumptions about me and the fact I say I love music events I get stereotyped as a pissed up party girl - which I’m absolutely not. I just bloody love music and dancing.

Tbh Bumble was probably best of a bad bunch for me. POF was dreadful for the ‘cracking tits love’ type messages and the chancing pensioners 🤣🤣

Crikey it really is depressing me! I have basically now swiped through everyone at hinge and as for bumble, same old suspects that have been around on sites for a very long time. Mind you they probably say the same about me 😂

So, if you aren’t a runner, what are the options of things to do to meet people IRL cos it ain’t happening for me!!

Does anyone else find that the men they swipe on never match? I have no problem getting likes and matches but the men I like never like me back or engage?

Yeah I had that with bumble but I wondered if it was because they are too lazy or jaded to be bothering with it?

I did get quite a few matches but hardly anyone talks. And they don’t even unmatch, just let the 24 hours expire

This is on Hinge rather than Bumble - I've only tried Hinge so far. Thinking of moving to Elite Singles in six months or so on the basis it does the work for you.

Ah ok. I didn’t get any matches at all on hinge but tbh I only swiped for a few anyway.

I am so utterly done with men.

Had a perfectly lovely evening tonight with a man I met on Bumble. It went really well, we both clicked and he asked me out again and he set up date two for tomorrow. He even booked a restaurant in front of my eyes on his phone.

I got on the train to go home which took about 30 minutes. By the time I had got off the train he had sent a WhatsApp saying he didn’t feel a connection and that it’s best if tomorrow was cancelled.

I mean what the actual fuck. I just don’t get it and I’m feeling shit about it to be honest. Shitty long week and I’m just exhausted.

sorry to moan xx

@JH20000 really sorry to hear about your experience. I have had a similar experience where I seemingly met someone normal who lives in my neighbourhood last night and who said they had a lovely time in person and crickets when I tried to move things along. I think in your case and my case they may well have been looking for validation only or be a player who was not looking at anything more than a one night stand.

JH20000 Sorry that happened. It's a crappy way to end a date isn't it. I hope you know that's it's nothing you did. Use this place to vent. (Sadly) loads of similar stories on here.

friendswiththemonstera Yep. Matches but they don't talk. I put it down to the 'Men swipe on everybody' thing.

Just back to the 'Active men' comments. All these skydiving photos on Bumble! I get that if you've done something cool like that, you want to show it off. But you can hardly see what the man looks like behind the big goggles anyway, & they give me serious anxiety just looking at them (with my fear of heights!)

I live in Cornwall and get no response from any dating app or site,
‘it’s a dating desert here

@JH20000 @occhiazzurri it's very strange behaviour and I think your analysis is correct - they are looking for ONS only and were too cowardly to make that clear at the right time. If that's not what you're looking for then I guess at least they had the decency to let you know after the date rather than ghosting you.

@NervesOfCotton Hinge is a funny one. I think I've met the most decent men on there, meaning definitely free/divorced and looking for meaningful relationships - but it's very quiet compared to Bumble.

The extreme sports photos are there on on their profile to make themselves look more exciting, but also to signal they want someone active. Every photo on my profile is taken outdoors - because that's where I like to spend my free time and I'd like a man who wants to do that with me. If a man doesn't have a single photo doing some kind of sport or something active that sends me a warning sign that they might be unfit, or not into participating in this very important part of my life. I also love cultural things, music, restaurants and reading - but these are not things I have photos of!

@JH20000

Sorry to hear about your date. It’s very odd behaviour indeed.

It’s easy in hindsight but I do think him wanting date 2 the next day and making a thing about booking a table in front of you before date 1 even over would have alarm balls ringing for me.

But it's nothing you’ve done wrong, this is 💯 him acting very strange - no one genuinely goes from keen to zero in 30 minutes.

Thank you everyone. It was an odd ending indeed. We actually chatted about what restaurant to book a table at and I honestly can’t understand how someone can go from that to zero feelings in 30 minutes 😂

@JH20000 oh I'm so sorry. It's so disappointing isn't it.
It's really unfair to mislead you like that :(

I'm feeling wounded. I keep getting ghosted. Been chatting to someone for a while which seemingly has fizzled out again.

Starting to feel like I'll never find anyone :(

JH20000 I was explaining similar to my mum, I love going for walks so have photos in Green spaces, so I'm put off if a man has several photos all in his bedroom, but my walks are about as active as I get, so there's no point me putting a photo up of the one time I go rock climbing or something (not that I'd do that, too scared)

@NervesOfCotton

I don’t think I’ve seen a sky diving photo but seen plenty where they’re on the slopes and wearing a ski mask or on a paddle board miles away from the camera and that’s their only photo.

How on earth are we supposed to swipe the someone who’s a distant figure 🤣🤣

Though I admit I’m the least outdoorsy person on the planet so any of those pics would be a swipe left for me. Only pic anyone will see of me doing someone outdoors will be if im dancing in a field at a music festival

SamW98 I see hundreds of them, always the main photo
They just make my stomach flip.