Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Ditto. Always go for a coffee or drink during the afternoon for first date. If it goes well you can go on but if not one coffee and run

Hi everyone! I tend to video call as I met someone who seemed to be an ai expert and had definitely used it in his photos he was quite odd. I felt unsafe. So have video called since.
i have met 2 people for dates this year. One fizzled out I think he was a player. The other no attraction for me. I don’t look for spark but connection. I am chatting on what’s app to a nice guy we are going to call soon. I have come off the apps as also needed a break. Got a bit hurt last year by a guy who I was dating who seemed to back off a bit but then rushed into something with someone else. Definite over lap. Its an effort sometimes isn’t it?!

100% yes

This is first time I’ve ever really been single so only have recent experience of OLD. However friends who have been on the apps longer say there’s been a huge shift since lockdowns for the worse. Seems like the apps are a breeding ground for bored people wanting attention or those wanting no string sex rather than anything resembling a relationship.

I know a few people who did OLD 8/9/10 years ago and met really great men - not now

Interested to see what experiences people have had with Elite Singles? It’s expensive but wonder if that weeds out the dregs?

I was considering this but the reviews it gets are terrible - inactive profiles, very few people with photographs, lots of matches from very far away

@JH20000 it’s a mess, think you have to be extremely lucky these days. When I did meet someone I ended up in a relationship with, he was really emotionally/mentally unwell… but I somehow kept going back. Anyway, it was an on/off situation and each time we were “off”, he’d just pop straight back on the apps! Then deny it when we’d get back together, even if I’d been sent screen shots from friends he’d swiped on. I lost all my trust in him and it became one of the sticking points as to why we couldn’t be together (oh yeah, aside from his verbal aggression and gaslighting etc).

After that I drove myself sort of crazy wondering if the people I began seeing were seeing others etc. It’s just a messed up system not aligned with our best interests and is the very worst outcome of giving some people an “endless choice”

Think I will save myself the money in that case and not bother!!

Talking of calls… I had a really nice first phone call with a potential iron. We were on the phone for about an hour and got on well. He now wants another phone call in the week. It will be lovely to chat to him but, we only live 40mins from each other yet, there is no mention of meeting up 🤷‍♀️What is that about?

@Mollymolloy yeah, I don’t know… maybe either he’s either being cautious or dragging things out. Could you suggest a coffee meeting or a quick drink instead?

Thanks @RosieAway. He wasn’t keen on messaging and said that he would rather talk on the phone. His profile photos would tie in with his age. Maybe a catfish… ?

@Mollymolloy think too early to say and I reckon talking on the phone instead of messaging is only a good thing! Maybe suggest a real life meet when you next speak to him?

@Mollymolloy I would say have another phonecall. If he doesn't suggest a meet up after the second call then maybe you should suggest it?

I think chatting via the apps/WhatsApp can build a false impression whereas a call is more authentic.

I'm sorry so many of you are having a rubbish time online. I have the odd moment of panic when I feel like maybe it's only social outcasts on the apps - but hey, I'm on them - and I consider myself to be normal - so surely there must be a good proportion of normal people!

Hi everyone, I’ve just stepped into the online dating world! I joined Bumble and having issues with Match as I’ve created a profile twice and both times it’s logged me out and thinks my email doesn’t exist. I’m not sure I can be bothered a third go!
I have some questions-
Do people pay or just use the free version?
Should I add more pictures so they can see I’m not thin?

Oh what a Sunday! This evening I matched with a man who isn’t too far from me. We started sending messages to and fro, then he reveals he’s married, his wife doesn’t know and he’s interested in having a mistress. Err no thanks 😒

I did pay for premium but found it a waste of money, it’s fairly expensive too. I am now a free user and have had the same experience - obviously there are a few things I can’t do (for example see who likes me) but I can’t be bothered with those extra features anyway.

@TiaraBoo

My date did say his two previous dates didn’t look like their pics, I asked how exactly, he explained they had filters and looked much slimmer than they turned out to be.

Considering he himself was extremely thin, he wouldn’t have paired well (potentially) with a bigger woman, so I think it’s in a woman’s interest to clearly display her size. Loads of people aren’t bothered/attracted by bigger sizes

I’ll place mark here as potentially had a few dates coming up soon..
had a lovely voice note on bumble from “mr long distance” who said I looked so beautiful and interesting 😅 I did explain that I was very average and very boring in real life but he didn’t believe me..

I've been chatting to a few people on apps recently. Mr Boring has sent me pictures of some muddy Yorkshire fields and told me what he's having for breakfast- trying to get any interesting conversation out of him has been like pulling teeth so I'm not going to pursue that although he seems like a nice guy.
I've spoken to Mr Medical Student who suggested he could use me to help him with his anatomy studies 😂
I then had a bizarre conversation with a guy I eventually worked out must be a bot- he kept saying "and such" and writing really long repetitive messages.

I'm only looking for something casual right now and am surprised at how difficult it is to find this - also noticing how many men are seeking validation and/or some sexting but nothing else.

I have something planned in for Friday with a guy who seems nice and respectful so fingers crossed!

@TiaraBoo I think it's good to have a picture that shows your body type, I expect the same from men. Also, I pay extra to see the likes and only match mainly from there (less scrolling). But I've only been doing OLD for 2 months, I think it's worth at the beginning at least.

I paid for bumble once when there was a special offer but I thought I hit very little for the money and I would never pay again. I think the free version gives enough tbh.

I had a couple of full length photos. I find it’s good for weeding out the sleazy ones who can’t resist making comments about women’s bodies.

I've hit a wall.
I don't seem to be getting any matches and those that do don't respond to me or send pointless one word responses.
Feeling really deflated!

Same! Or they match on bumble and then don’t bother to reply!

It's awful isn't it!

Does anyone have any tips for starting convo? I always hate to start the convo but obviously you have to on bumble!
I've noticed most guys don't even bother to fill their pages out anymore so hard to pick up on any interests/convo starters?

I usually make a joke about the pressure of having to to come up with something interesting as a conversation starter 😂