Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@User990 I don't think you can tell. Some don't know what they want. Some don't want to commit. Some will commit for the right person. Some are just sex pests. But in my experience the most sex pesty ones don't even fill out the bios.

My profile actually says similar. I've come out a long marriage. Never want to live with another man. Never want to marry again. Never introducing anyone to my kids unless it gets super serious. Quite happy with a night out and some sex every weekend TBH with the right bloke. To me it's a more vague way of conveying all that.

That’s pretty much me as well. My profile says looking to date and see where it goes, not looking to rush into anything heavy.

I don’t want to live with a man again. My son is a young adult so I’m not interested in blending families and I’ve got a fairly full social life so I really want someone who exclusive to go on dates, holidays, weekends away and regular sex but also having our own lives.

But as you say, who knows if that’s a man who wants similar or they’re just after a shag - but tbh men can say they’re looking for a relationship and lie

Ha, agree…. Also think a list thread of those to swerve and why would be great (if possible). Can’t bear that my evil, manipulative, abusive ex is trying to trick the next woman into his damaging BS (G, London, 54-56, toxic, abusive, misogynistic narcissist)

I've asked a few men this when chatting and both said that they had experiences where they did a first date and then the date automatically assumed they were in a relationship and they don't want that again.

Like with everything nowadays you have to be clear about things to avoid confusion on either side.
A bit like years ago you were automatically exclusive without needing 'the chat', nowadays you're not exclusive unless you've had 'the chat'.

I don't put on my profile I'm looking to date for at least 3 months before I consider a relationship but I do mention that when I'm asked what I'm looking for.

Just nodding along. I'm also not looking to live with anybody or have them be involved with my kids & I don't want it assumed that we are getting married after date 2!

User990 I used to get bristly when I read that on a man's profile too, & think 'He just wants to mess around then' but I spoke to one once who explained it pretty much as it has been explained on here, & I though 'OH! I get it! That's actually what I want too!' So I have 'Serious relationship' ticked on the Free site, as I believe 'Casual' leads them to think 'Sex', but I always explain that I am looking for a serious relationship, just not instantly.

@NervesOfCotton I would never say I want something casual because like you've said, men will read that as just sex.

Oh definitely ‘something casual’ means just sex.

It’s difficult as the choices are limited so I’ve always put ‘don’t know yet’ and had the discussion once we’re chatting.

SamW98 Pepsimaxedout The only options on the free site are Friends, Casual or Serious.

I've barely been on Bumble all week, just checking in before bed so I don't miss a match, so I just did one of my, about 500 men swipe Lefts

There's was literally ONE who I was interested in (who was at the right distance)
Its like 'Ooh, he looks nice. I bet he's miles away'. 'Oh, he's near! Ok, I bet he's a weirdo' 'Ooh! He sounds lovely! Right swipey we go!' (Thought process in my head)

Still on Bumble but finding it just a bit dull. I’ve had a few matches but the chats dry up. So few men my age seem to have any interest in getting to know someone. They just want to talk about themselves and not ask anything about me.

Still chatting to Mr J and it’s going slowly but lady night he did say that we need to meet soon once the funeral is done so hopefully we’ll get somewhere. He does seem to work very long hours including weekends which does make me wonder how much time he’s actually got to date but let’s see.

Hi ladies! Happy Saturday scrolling! How are we all doing? Has anyone gone on the Facebook group 'are we dating the same guy' it is insane! If I was sceptical about OLD before I am even more so now! Some stories are horrific.

I'm also struggling with Bumble - I seem to get a lot of matches but at least half of them expire with the guy never saying anything. Does anyone else get this?

Same. Or the ones who do reply just send closed responses and don’t answer or ask any questions.
Just the same old ‘hi’ or ‘hey sexy’ BS

Honestly it’s beyond tedious

Lol, I'm on that group. The stories are wild, they make our experiences look tame. Think it's the demographic (mostly 20's and 30's).

How much younger would you all go? I lowered my age range slightly and I've now matched with someone 7 years younger which feels like a lot. But at least they look like they have a heart beat. And their profile would indicate they can write at least in sentences of more than 3 words/emojis.

Has anyone in London area seen the middle aged couple on Bumble looking for a third person to join them for a throuple?

It’s funny bit I’ve got a mental block about anyone more than a few years younger.

Im 55 and even though it’s ridiculous m, 49 seems too young whereas 50 doesn’t

@friendswiththemonstera @bumblebreath I never got on with Bumble for that reason. It always felt so hard! Though I'm cancelling my match membership as so dire, so might give it ANOTHER go!

Also, thinking of doing a Tinder experiment and paying to see who's swipped on me. Then see who I fancy and who has good chat (if any)! According to Tinder I have over 3k likes, so just for my ego I'm tempted to see who they all are (I'm waiting to be very disappointed)

Absolutely. Bumble was the worst for me. Although you were expected to make the first move, some men seemed to resent you for it. Maybe it's just in my head tho but I stopped using it.

Surely there are to be a couple of decent men amongst 3 k likes

@Starseeking it is wild! But yes for younger people! I do find it a bit uncomfortable how the group allows you to post pictures of people on dating apps to find out any information. I would die if someone just posted my profile!

I'm going on a date shortly and the nerves are setting in! Can someone go in my place 😂😂🙈

@cassiatwenty haha you'd think! Right, I'm going to sign up (I'm 41, so will see) the rules will be I have to be physically attracted to them and not swipe on anyone with weird bios! And not get attached at all before meeting anyone! 😂😂

Is anyone having any good chats/dates with guys? Be lovely to hear some success stories

mumofoneanddone Not me! I was chatting to one on the free site but he was doing the whole one word answer thing/not asking me anything, so I did one answer back too & it just stopped.

Good luck, blacksocks33 Have a great time, You will be fine

@blacksocks33 ohhh loads of luck! You'll be amazing! Just remember, they are lucky to be meeting you!

@NervesOfCotton what even is the point? I don't get it? You can do much better than a one word answer xxx