Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

Before they move in they are in the 'keeping you sweet' phase, the purpose of which is to soften you up so you will let the move, in after which they are the man of the house and the boss of everything (in their head )

He’s a man. Of course he’s in the wrong

I'm guessing you're renting. If not man or woman you're a fool

@justasking111 I agree with @BestBadger . I would only charge a friend rent if they had moved in permanently. But as for a partner, this isn't a business transaction. If I was moving in with a boyfriend I wouldn't expect him to charge me rent if he had no mortgage. It's too cold. Sorry @BestBadger and are are both fools in your world.
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He does have a private pension now. I also have one that I started when I was 18 but I had to stop when the kids came along. I'm going to restart payments into it now I'm not paying a mortgage.

Out of interest, if you moved in with a boyfriend what would you expect him to charge you?

No, I'm not renting. I'm also not profiting from my position of privilege.

You were so sure with your guess there as well.

Two friends have done it for many years. It's simple to have a lodger agreement. They've been burnt once so protecting themselves.

It might be simple but would it actually protect them long term?

I wouldn't consider charging rent as profiteering. In my case, I made massive sacrifices during my 20s, 30s and 40s and missed out on a lot while my partner enjoyed holidays, etc, that I couldn't have dreamt of as I was paying a mortgage and he wasn't. I don't see anything wrong in enjoying a small (not extortionate) return on the investment that was made, especially if it means his outgoings would still be less than they are currently.

That being said I'm not going to charge him anything as he's not going to move in.

Yes, from what I can see they are still protected long term.

Is he the type that is good at DIY?
Would he be able to carry out maintenance work to the property that you would otherwise have to pay someone to do?

If so this could save you quite a bit of money

I think maybe it depends on what age you are. If you're older and you've had messy break ups where you have always been the one ending up worse off financially, the thought of some bloke in his fifties saying, "I'll move in with you and pay half the bills, but I'm not giving you anything for rent etc as you own it anyway" - particularly given he was spending money on treats for himself over the years, having nice holidays, and had subsidised accommodation, when the OP was struggling to pay off her mortgage and couldn't afford to treat herself, then your natural response is "In your dreams you will."

I think it's fair that a site for women should favour women's interests over men, yes.

I am going to ask my partner how he'd feel if we don't live together and see how he reacts. I'll also suggest the option of renting somewhere together and splitting the costs 50 /50 and I'll rent my house out (I have no intention of actually doing this but I'm interested to see his reaction).

Absolutely this!

His reaction will speak volumes.

I expect he'll tell you he doesn't see a future with the relationship if you're not living together. Which would confirm that it was more about the accommodation than you, sadly.

Charging rent is profiteering though. It's making money simply by owning something, for profit. I'm not saying you shouldn't though, that's up to you obviously.

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, for a friend, partner or when mil moved in when she had dementia. But that's a personal thing. Just like I don't charge for coffee if somebody pops in.

Maybe part of it is because I was homeless at 19 and a friend put me up for year just splitting bills and food and I've felt like I should pay the favour on.

This isn't a homeless 19 year old, though, who you know will get her life sorted out and move on.

This is a bloke who's lived on Easy Street his entire life and now is planning to live with the OP rent-free for the rest of his days.

The dictionary definition of profiteering is: the practice of making or seeking to make an excessive or unfair profit, especially illegally or in a black market.

That's not exactly what's happening here, is it?

If he earns reasonably well, why does he not have his own property by now?

Would he want to move in with you if you were not a homeowner, do you think?

That’s an excellent idea. Renting together would solve many issues.
That way you could save some money for yourself. And with all the money he’ll save, he might be able to buy something for himself too. Or rather he’ll carry in spending it on luxuries instead.

It's the old tale of the grasshopper and the ant isn't it? Plenty of human grasshoppers have a good time and make no provision for the future until they get into their fifties, then it suddenly occurs to them that if they don't have a roof over their head that's paid for by the time they retire, they are fucked. So they look around for someone who already has a house.

He should pay, not market rate but still a few hundred each month.

Everyone has unique situations regarding this. Mine are that all of our children from our first marriages are independent and have left home. My home was owned outright by me before we got married a few years ago. He's signed a document stating he has no financial interest in my property if we were to split. He pays £600 per month to me which splits bills and food. I cover all house repairs and everything in it is paid for by me. He pays for everything when we go out and when we go on holidays he covers all of this too. It works for us.

I am in my 50s no mortgage. And wouldn't change a partner rent, nor a friend who was trying to get back on her feet, needed a place to stay etc. I think genuinely I would rather live on my own then charge a partner rent. If they offered or insisted, I think I would suggest the money is put in an account for holidays and dining out etc but only if they insist.
To be honest, I have a well paying job, and a nice life style. There's an assumption on her that you have had to make sacrifices to own your own property. Quite a few of my friends had inheritances and didn't make any sacrifices nor bust a gut either.