Why am I hopeless at reading signals?

[WitheringTights000]

Hi all,

Dipped my toe into OLD in November, I'm 31.

Quite a few of my friends and family say I can come across as very aloof/disinterested. Both in person and over text towards dating prospects. Like I can seem as though I'm giving someone the brush off.

I matched with a guy a few months back and he asked me out over Xmas. I had to cancel, he asked me to re-arrange and also messaged me happy new year on New Year's Day,

I took five weeks to reply. Awful I know but I get nervous about dating and I'm very indecisive plus had family staying from Toronto for 3 weeks so was hectic. I messaged him to explain why January was hectic and that I would like to go out.

He actually replied only one hour later to say great to have family over from far off lands and okay fantastic let's get something planned, smiley face.

I replied back joking they had slightly outstayed their welcome and then to his message saying 'let's get something arranged' I said 'yes okay good'

That was 4 days ago and nothing. He read and didn't reply. So I guess I'm wondering if I should follow up and say 'sorry I didn't really finish my sentence, that should of said 'yes okay good let's get something organised'

I'm wondering now if he doesn't want to go out and sent that message back to me so he can be the one who does the ghosting!

Or if my message of 'yes okay good' didn't make sense or seemed disinterested?

I feel like other women would have no issue with interpreting any of this and knowing what to do but for me it's an issue!

Please advise if I should message again or just assume he is uninterested!

@Domino20 - yes I do actually. Just worried/nervous due to his previous dating history although he has only ever been very keen towards me!

It’s not confusing at all. Hes probably finally had enough of your silly game playing and realised he’s wasting his tim

Leave the poor bloke alone to find someone who matches his effort and interest .

You made it look like you went on a weekend away with someone else 😂

@WitheringTights000 because you're only in it for the mind games. You're only keen now because he's backed off so you want to see if you can win him back. Very narcissistic behaviour (yours) if you ask me.

@TheBossOfMe - how did I make it look like I went on a weekend with someone else! You mean the London thing? I was in hospital! ...so when I was out of hospital I just put up a nice photo of me at a restaurant...

Honestly you’re not ready for dating. If someone treated me the way you’re treating him, I’d by furious and absolutely not in any way interested in such game playing. You can justify it as your fears all you want, but it’s awful behaviour. The only person you seem to be thinking about in all of this is you. His feelings don’t even seem to matter to you. Awful.

Yes WE know you was in hospital. HE doesn't. Like TheBossOfMe said, to him, it looks like you was on a jolly/weekend away with someone else.

I think you're being purposefully obtuse. You know exactly what you're doing.

Stop playing games or stop dating altogether. He’s tried his best inviting you out and you keep shooting him down. You should have said you were in hospital . Didn’t have to mention why just that you were there and then you saying no to meeting him would make sense. Honestly you complicate things totally.

If you genuinely can’t see how posting that looks like you’re in a date with someone else then there’s nothing more we can do to help you because it’s so obvious to most of us how it looks
Honestly let it go. Whatever advice you’ve been given, you just argue back so there’s no point

I’m beginning to think it’s a made up post. Honestly no one is this stupid or rude while dating.

Yeah exactly that. He didn’t know you were in hospital. You looked like you were on a shag weekend and even worse taunting him with it.

💯- every helpful piece of advice is ignored and responded to with ‘but’

Its like banging our heads against a brick wall.

Hes dodged a bullet. I hope he’s out tonight on a date with a mature grown up who doesn’t play teenage games.

@Deebee90 - I couldn't meet him on a Saturday as I was still off work recovering from a surgery. I immediately suggested the following weekend, to which is said he can't and he also could do the one after that as he was away both weekends!

I did not turn down any invitation and immediately proposed an alternative

You either completely lack any empathy, need some counselling to deal with some deep seeted issues, or are mince think. None of those are attractive virtues.

What more do you expect this guy to do? He’s stayed in touch (despite your silences) and you are electing to not respond again and again. It would have cost you nothing to say ‘I’m going to be out of touch (medical reason) for x days - I’ll message you when back to full health.’

@SamW98 - but the thing is I did eventually reply to his message (admittedly third in a row) and he then continued on conversation with me, if he was fed up he wouldn't of done that!

OMG what can you not understand? He thinks you’re seeing someone else and had a weekend away in London with them. And isn’t interested in being one of a number.

Tell him why you were in London. You don’t have to be specific but tell him you were having a procedure.

@TheBossOfMe - do you mean as *thick as mince....think you misspelt that, me being the thick one and all 😉

I’ve never had any success meeting men online. Women use dating apps for various reasons but men seem to use them as a way to hide. Even if they’re really nice, it takes soooo long just to get to the point of meeting someone. It’s hard to have the time or energy. And because I feel an obligation to this online person I end up ignoring real people right in front of me. I often see young men and women out in public, swiping on their phones when there are single people standing right in front of them. I’m always just sitting there like come on guys! Please just look up! For what it’s worth, my advice is to strike up a conversation with an interesting stranger, or have friends or family members set you up. Maybe one of your cousins men has a brother. Maybe someone at work has a single friend. Seriously flirting with a bartender while drunk produces more success than a month of swiping right.

@TheBossOfMe - he knows I have colleagues/friends/a boss in London who I sometimes stay with! It really doesn't suggest a shagging weekend away at all.

Yeah because making a typo is absolutely worse than being about to blow up a relationship that you’d clearly like to explore because you’re so poor at actual empathy and communication that you’d rather let a man think he’s on a carousel of men than tell him you were in hospital 😂

Yeah you go on telling yourself that. It’s not going that well for you though, is it?

@TheBossOfMe - and sorry just to clarify. The weekend he suggested we do something, that was the weekend after I was in London. I put a photo up of me in London the day I got out of hospital, told him I was there for the weekend. Then came home ( he knew I was home, and asked to see me the following weekend! I couldn't as I was still on bed rest. But he knew I wasn't in London that following weekend, so won't have thought weekend away shagging. It was Two seperate weekends.

Absolutely this. I’m actually starting to think this is a wind up because no grown adult could be that oblivious and lacking in awareness surely?

Theres house bricks with more empathy and self awareness than the OP but she’ll still carry on arguing with a ‘but’ to every post .

It’s not a misspelling; it’s simply another way of phrasing it.

It’s really clear why he’s not sent a message. You are extremely hard work and have no awareness.