DH new outlook on life/sex

[TravellingWife]

DH works in the arts. I've always found him to be grounded and level headed despite working with people who definitely aren't. He has been prone to depression and for years he self harmed.
In November he worked away for three weeks with a friend of his who I would describe as a bit of a hippy. He's a nice bloke but has no kids, no long term partner and his own set of issues. I don't think he brings out the best in DH.
When DH arrived back from his trip he declared he had been talking to his friend and his friend had told him that he was going to stop wasting life trying to make others happy. And DH said he was going to do the same. He said he could see his life passing one day at a time and not getting what he wanted in life! This upset me as we have two kids and a pretty nice life with enough money/holidays ect.
So since Nov DH has been pretty much doing his own thing. Booking trips away without inviting us. Cooking food just for himself on occasions. Going boozing on the weekend. Not taking jobs when the money would be helpful as he doesn't fancy it. Spending a sizable amount on new tattoos and clothes.
Obviously this has caused friction but last night he told me that he wanted to be "more free with sex." He said he didn't want to become an old man and not have done the things he wanted to do because he married young. He even suggested at one point he wanted to get into voyeurism! DH has always been pretty vanilla and I would say shy in the bedroom. I asked him to leave and he slept at his mum's last night. He texted me this morning but I haven't replied.
I know it sounds silly but this isn't him. It's like a different person talking. I miss DH so much.

@Thisistyresome Try RTFT before commenting, yeah? Those posters were right!

My comment was not criticising the OP. I was addressing the advice others were giving.

@Thisistyresome

Well just goes to show you can't control everyone, and thank goodness for that !

Otherwise we'd had multitudes of men getting away with deception and accountability.
Interested in knowing what your advice would have been for this man, maybe she could have bought his flight tickets for more holidays, took another job so he could spend more on his lifestyle, maybe put the kids in a cupboard so he can pretend he's not got the responsibility of being a father.

So basically you advocate for women acting like fools, being taken advantage of and having mug written on their forhead before the final blow of betrayal is revealed.

Selfish much.
You're dreaming and deluded.

I think you seem to have missed the point. In almost all the cases of so-called MLC on here the men are already cheating.

Fuck's sake, of course he has. What are you going to do?

What the f... would happen if all the women in the world ended up having a MLC and decided to jack in all of their responsibilities.

Support MLC's.
@Thisistyresome you're having a laugh.

This is true, what he has done is extremely predictable/cliche, disrespectful and quite cruel even without the cheating .

Also wanted to say pp making digs at the friend are wrong. He is a single man with no kids and is espousing the philosophy which suits his lifestyle. He or anyone else who is single and child free is not “selfish” he just doesn’t have to consider his (non-existent) wife and kids and that’s ok

He didn’t force OPs husband to bluntly apply his “new way of thinking” to his life. He merely announced it to Op partners who decided to replicate it. But he must have had an appetite for it anyway to so readily decide to follow suit.

It’s just common sense and decency for OPs partner to know he can’t live the exact same way as his single with no kids friend.

Me and a few friends met up a while back in our early 30s, some had kids some didn’t, out of the ones who didn’t have kids one was talking about how important it was for her to get up and do last minute things ( local trips, trips abroad etc ). another friend at the brunch who had been married with kids since her early 20s was thoughtfully reflecting aloud on how she could incorporate some of that into her own life given that she was married with 3 kids and worked full time. I don’t know if it was a result of that conversation but since then she has been on quite a few solo and/or childfree trips but she discusses it with her partner, reciprocates so he gets his time away too and also makes sure it’s not causing the burden to shift to him.

It was 100% his responsibility to figure out with his wife if/how he could apply that way of living to his life, while taking into consideration his whole family.

From someone who’s been in similar position to where you are, I can tell you that everything will be ok. Your life isn’t fucked. Right now you need your people, lean on your support if you need to. When you’ve got kids it’s not easy keeping it together when your world has been utterly shaken, but you can do it.

Whatever you decide to do, please do what is right for you and give yourself time to figure out what that is.

He sounds like an idiot tbh. Is he that impressionable that he takes up someone else's persona and issues? Seriously. Why should you be accommodating his crisis? That's not what you signed up for. I'd be telling him that too. Might be shagging the newly found mate, and having a bromance. Either way, time to get those cards on the table and tell him to be honest.

I'd ask him if once he's finished with his midlife crisis, will he be watching the kids and taking all the responsibilities while you have yours?

It's honestly a bit late in the day to decide on a totally different lifestyle when you already have a marriage and kids.

Hope your OK, sounds like you love hubby v much and are stuck in a very difficult situation. X

Someone said on a recent thread when they're friend caught her dh cheating she moved out and said "ill take the kids every other weekend". Up until then she had been the one shouldering it all, and she just took a view if why should she then make it easier again for him to go and continue his affair.

Within a short while they settled on a suitable 50/50 arrangement, and no doubt it was a toughy to do, but she had balls for sure!

So sorry OP. I could see where this was going from your first post. Everyone on film crews is unfaithful.

If there's one kindness he has allowed you, it's the truth.
You can now make your decisions with the truth in mind.

He is a selfish twat who has cheated on you...and from the sounds of it, isn't sorry.

I'm very sorry you're in this situation, but you do know what you're dealing with (even if possibly not the whole story)

I'm cringing at the 'new tattoos and clothes', he won't realise it yet because he is so wrapped up in his vision of his new life etc. but those younger people he spends time with as part of his job, they will be laughing at him not with him at some point, this will include a new younger other woman if that is how it pans out. I hope you manage to sort things and if not that you live your life without being used or expected to put up with his selfish ways because he has decided to explore his new way of thinking. Good luck

It was quite obviously that, not sure why you're surprised now.

@CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment wow. I am floored with the compassion you have shown here.

@CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment it’s deeply unpleasant to kick someone when they’re down.

Nope, sorry, cases would be on the doorstep.

There have been several nasty posts on here, suspect from the same person under different names. Hope that OP and the rest of us are able to ignore them.

Sorry OP. What a dickhead he has been. Stay strong. Get your ducks in a row. Accept support. Allow yourself to be angry but try to move on from it. Be kind to yourself, this is all on him.

Sorry peeps, late to the party but I'm keen to learn stuff, what is being a 'gregg'? Is this the male version of the stupid 'Karen' ?
If so why is okay to use a mans name to insult and yet not a womans?
Calling any woman a Karen is twattish anyway.

This is a Gregg (with 2 g’s)

Sorry to read your update OP 💐
He is a fool and you sound like a nice lady, everything will get better in time.

Yes I'm sure her parents are pleased to have forked out all that money for her to board. Clearly paid off as she's flourishing now and really contributing to womankind.

Pity this thread derailed from supporting the op

This.