What makes a "good man" to you?

[LorlieS]

I was just on another thread and poster said her husband was a "good man" because he earned enough for her to stay at home indefinitely.
Personally, I don't agree with this statement.
So, being entirely honest, what are your non-negotiables?

My list:
Kindness
Integrity
Honesty
Respect
A similar sense of humour to my own
Treating me as an equal
Being present for our family and children.

I'm sure there's more but for me, being wealthy doesn't feature.

You wouldn't know though.

@Ribikco I wouldn't know I disagree?!!!

Money is a bonus once all the other important boxes have been checked:
kindness
patience
loyalty
respect
sense of humour

@Oliotya Indeed. I'm sure you'd find a man equally as unattractive if he expected you to pay for anything!

In my experience, both can be as bad as each other and it absolutely isn't always in defence from SAHM's, some can't get in there quick enough to shout about how working mothers aren't raising their children and how awful nurseries are.

I've had it in person too and also casually, usually because I work FT and it almost always involves a woman talking about how she couldn't possibly leave her baby/send her baby to nursery because she'd miss so much and how it goes so fast/you can't get that time back yadda yadda yadda.

No one has ever said a thing to my husband about working FT as a parent.

Is this one person telling another person what they do and don't know? Is it a man who knows telling a woman, who doesn't know?

That is not a stereotype it is a fact. Research backs up that men value looks more than women.

I'd agree with your statement, women are more bothered about a potential partners earnings than men are.

You see the funny thing about stereotypes is that there is usually no smoke without fire.

No. OP said herself she was rich and but very unhappy. Now she is poor but very happy.
I said 'it is better to be rich and happy.'
OP disagreed with my statement.
I said 'you wouldn't know' because she hasn't experienced being rich and happy at the same time.

@Ribikco Have you experienced being "poor"?!! 😆

No. You wouldn't know what it is like to be rich and happy at the same time. You've admitted this yourself. So you can't disagree with something you haven't experienced.

Yes. Grew up very poor.

@Ribikco And you can comment even though you've never been "poor"? Oh my.

@Ribikco So you are saying poor = misery, rich = happy. And nobody else can say they disagree?

Ok, so rather that belittling one another perhaps we should all agree that women choosing to do what is right for them and their family is all that matters and we shouldn't question their motives or imply they aren't capable of making their own choices without being influenced.

Women who want men to be magic money trees need to stop being surprised when the men they are attracted to see women as magic sex-and-domestic-labour trees.

While I hate the gender ideology trend, and am not advocating anything "non-binary", I think we need to hold as a high value sex-unrelated characteristics in friendships, partnerships and other relationships. Let's see (good) people as people and move away from rigid 1950s sex stereotypes, eh?

Everyone is influenced by society to a certain extent, women and men. That's why we have societal norms.

@Ribikco What about considering what may be best for their husband? Or are all men actually delighted about the expectation they will be the sole provider and that they only qualify as a "good man" if they earn over x amount.
Isn't that like saying something like: A woman is only a "good woman" if she does all of the housework?

I think you’ve got it op

But we have already gone over this. You have suggested SAHMs have been influenced by society to be SAHMs, yet being a SAHM is NOT the societal norm.

Anyone who has been truly poor knows there's a particular misery unique to that, that no matter how great your relationship is, it can't eradicate it. It helps of course, but it doesn't put food on the table, pay the bills, or enable you and your family to have much quality of life, outside of your relationship, and the stresses it brings can work away at even the strongest partnerships. Obviously being rich and in a horrible relationship is miserable too. But at least wealth gives you options. And it doesn't have to be either/or. People presumably want a good relationship and wealth, not wealth instead of a good relationship.

I NEVER said:
poor = misery
nor did I say
rich = happy

BECAUSE.....

a person can be:
poor & happy
or
rich & unhappy

I simply said it is better to be rich and happy. Just common sense really.

But women can earn so why in a list for a man?

@EasternStandard Exactly. What they are really saying is "I want a man to be the only provider; I'm a woman so why should I contribute financially at all?"
I don't get this "If a man doesn't earn everything it makes us poor" sentiment.
Why not both work and then earn enough/more?!!

Where are you getting this notion that people think a 'good man' equals earning lots of money? The two things are not related in any way. It comes across that you aren't all that happy after all, you mention money so often on lots of threads.

Read the posts on here!! 😀