Is he too old for me?

[outsidethemug]

Asking because some of my friends seem to think so! I'm 22 and I've recently started dating someone who's 11 years older than me.

We are in quite similar stages of life, other than him being older than me but some of my friends seem to think he's too old and that he should be dating someone his own age - the implication is that because he can't find a woman his age there must be something wrong with him.

Is it too much? Or am I overthinking?

No it's fine. If you're on the same page that's more important.

He's 1.5 times your age. Can you imagine in 11 years' time dating someone who is 11 now?

Are you in the same stage of life? Want the same things from a relationship, have the same interests? This is more important than age.
My husband is 15 years older than me and we met when I was 22. We've been together 15 years now.
An age gap CAN pose issues but not necessarily. It's more about how compatible you are...

I find it hard to answer that because it's such an abstract idea! I really hope I'm not still single and dating in 11 years but I've always dated older so I can't imagine dating anyone younger in general no

What does that even mean?

I think so! It's still very early stages but we seem to be compatible. Both working, plans to travel, similar interests all that sort of thing

Also worth noting, no one in my circle has anything like this sort of age gap. Parents, friends, grandparents, cousins and beyond, I don't know anyone well that has more than a five year age gap so it seems very out of the norm for me!

Yes he's too old

You have 3 years of adult life experience. That's a massive gap. He's a creep and is taking advantage.

What? Are you saying would she date a 22 year old age when she’s 32? What an odd way to write it.

I read that youngest you should date is half age plus 7 (so lond as above 18). Sounds weird but kinda works. So at 33 he can date anyone 23 and over (roughly). At 40 would be 27...50 would be 32 etc

I agree with @MidnightMeltdown
I wouldn’t, If I had my time again. 16yr age gap with my husband, met when I was 24 when I thought life was passing me by and everyone else was settling down

@Janetime , in 11 years she'll be 33, a child of 11 now will be 22.

I didn't realise that the thread was in Pedants' Corner.

That makes no sense. In 11 years time, she'll be 33. How could she date a child?

I’m around your boyfriend’s age and can’t imagine dating a 22 year old. They’re not similar stages in life at all. It’s not that an 11 year gap in itself is too big, it’s that there’s a chasm between the life experiences and maturity of someone in their early 20s and someone in their mid 30s.

Quite a big gap that. It’s gets noticeable when you get older.

@fedupwithbeinghot , @Jc2001 a child of 11 will be her age in 11 years' time, and OP will be 33. The 33 year old OP would be dating an adult of 22.

That's up there with stupid statements, I must say.

I think it’s kind of fine. 22 and 33 isn’t so out there.

How is that remotely the same! 😂

Your maths doesn't add up.

@pinkyredrose . 22 *1.5 = 33
33-22=11.
22-11=11.

That's a ridiculous qn. There's 7 yrs between me and DH,if you'd asked him at 18 about dating an 11 yr old that bears no relation to our relationship as two adults in our 40s now.

the implication is that because he can't find a woman his age there must be something wrong with him

I think most men would look at it the other way around - he’ll be the envy of his mates having a 22 year old instead of someone his own age

Just going on what you are saying, you shouldn't really be at similar life stages at those respective ages. He's 33 - he should be a bit further on than a 22 year old who has "plans to travel". He should be getting to the property ladder and progressing his already established career path, not interrailing.

If you said you actively wanted to date someone older because you want someone a bit more settled in life (homeowner, career, wants to start a family sooner rather than later), then fine, but a 33 year old at the same stage as a 22 year old fresh out of uni sounds like someone I'd probably throw back in the sea, to be honest, because what seems fresh and exciting now might translate quickly to immature and unambitious when you get to know him better.

Friends have said the age gap gets more obvious as they have both aged.

I’d also be concerned as to what he’d been doing with the first 15 years of his adulthood if he’s at the same stage as you are now.

My third concern would be that some insecure and misogynistic men prefer young women because they fear the judgement and experience older women bring to the table. They think younger women will be more malleable and easily impressed and they also like the cachet her youth has for other misogynistic men.

How did you meet? If through OLD then I’d definitely dodge him. If through work or a mutual interest then I can understand an affinity and attraction building, I’d still advise you to move on though.