Is he too old for me?

[outsidethemug]

Asking because some of my friends seem to think so! I'm 22 and I've recently started dating someone who's 11 years older than me.

We are in quite similar stages of life, other than him being older than me but some of my friends seem to think he's too old and that he should be dating someone his own age - the implication is that because he can't find a woman his age there must be something wrong with him.

Is it too much? Or am I overthinking?

Yes, it's a travelator just like the one on Gladiators. 😁

I was talking about goals in life, by behind, I mentally, socially, maturity etc.

Go for it. Ignore what anyone says

11 years is a big age gap but I don’t think a madly big gap

In my early-mid 20s, I dated a couple of guys in their mid-late 30s. While it can certainly work out, I would be a bit more cautious. I would say 3 of the 4 older men I dated definitely just had a thing for younger women and didn’t have good intentions, but that’s only my experience. And after all that, I ended up marrying someone who’s the same age, who I met at 28.

Have fun, follow your gut, and always prioritise yourself and your plans ☺️ Keeping your travel plans as your own is a great idea. I travelled a few times solo and those trips are by far my favourite holidays!!

13 years between DH and I. We have 2 dc and a mortgage together. We definitely experienced other people’s two pence in the beginning about it though- a complete non issue now.

This is such a weird way of putting it.

I met my DH when I was 21 (nearly 22) and he had just turned 25.

There was a point in time where he was 17 and I was 13, and it would have been creepy AF for us to have been attracted to each other then, but we didn't meet until I was 21 and he was 25 (and it was an entirely appopriate age gap at that stage) so that is an entirely moot point.

@aitchteeaitch , your analogy isn't any more correct than mine.
The age gap between 33 and 44 or 62 and 73 isn't the same as between 22 and 33, or 11 and 22. It's still 11 years but it's not 1.5 times your age.

@User1789 , I pp that XDP was 11 yrs younger than me and that the difference was there. I was a teenager in the 1980s, he in the 1990s.
Society can change a lot in a decade.

@pinkspeakers

Oh come off it. A 22 year old is barely more than a kid. He's definitely a creep.

It's not the age gap so much as the fact that OP is so young. If OP was 32 and he was 43 then it would be less of an issue.

@MidnightMeltdown at what point would it be okay though? If I was 25 and he was 36? Or 28 and 39? Where's the line when it crosses into acceptable?

It's not the gap in itself but more the age you are at being only 22. You might think you are quite mature, but not had as much general life experience yet. Also, if he's on the same level as you, that makes him pretty immature for his age and maybe he's not a person who can be relied on. I'm only seeing a dream to travel as a common goal so far, can you both take time off work for that?

There isn't one. There are just other people's opinions and then your own gut feeling. That is all.

Would you also date 20 year olds at the same time whilst spinning them a tale about your rented out properties and new careers that are yet to happen?

There's no concern at all with someone taking time off work and going on extended holidays whatever their age. The concern here is that this guy is a con.

@QueenCamilla you're making quite a lot of leaps here. I haven't given out the man's life story on the internet but I know him enough to have verified what he's told me. I'm not daft I just wanted opinions on the age gap

No matter how well you think you know him, proceed with caution.
As I said before - I'm his age but I wouldn't go there. Clearly, he DOES have more in common with those around 20. I don't think it's necessarily a "win" that you think it is. If you really are a mature and fully-functioning adult OP, why not find a man who offers the same?
I don't think the age gap in itself is particularly bothersome (but I wouldn't want it for my child).

Anyway, I'm at risk of sounding way more invested than I am. Good luck with the future.

Ignore all the pearl clutchers on here already deciding that this man is grooming you and is a creep. Of course that can happen but you don't have to date a guy 11 years older to find a creep, they all have potential

You sound switched on and seem to actually know him, same as any relationship don't rush in marrying him and getting pregnant, just enjoy what you two have right now

I personally feel no he's not too old for you. If you both connect & are both on the same page then hell yeah go for it! Age is just a number & unless your friends know something about your partner or uncertain of him for valid reasons I wouldn't listen to what your friends are saying. They should be supportive of your relationship & try seeing the positives one being your happy & can see a future with this guy so chin up & enjoy your time together or else doubts will make you unsettled/unhappy & spoil what could be a beautiful thing!

So, assuming he has no DC's, complex ex entanglements, you get on well and the chemistry is great. Then why not for a while if you like? Tbf, at your age you can live in the moment, no need to settle down, just enjoy. Just as long as there are no power discrepancies. I suspect he may not feel ready to have to settle down yet. Women his age are considering babies and marriage, he probably isn't up for that yet so a younger woman is not going to give pressure. This is where the inequality lies for women unfortunately, and will always do, as men's age ability to father children far surpasses women. Such is life.
There's not at lot of risk for you at the moment, so you don't have to overthink it. If you are happy, that's what counts. If you are still with him years down the line and your desires still align then fine. Keep to your own plans and wants in the meantime and if he fits, he does. If the mask slips and he starts getting controlling, if you've kept your own friends and independence and your self-esteem is good, you'll know how to deal with it.
Is it too early days or have you mingled with each others friends yet?

I agree with this. I don’t think your age gap is particularly crazy. If you feel like you’re getting on well, go for it 🙂

Well what’s the oldest you would be whilst still considering dating a 22 year old?

I think too old because you've only been an adult 4 years, front lobe hasn't even matured yet. He could find a woman closer to his age in the same life stage but he chooses a 22 why? For her youth which definitely means more time to mess her around due to less pressure on having kids and usually but not always, has better skin and firmer body than older women. Thats not a compliment to you because if thats his mentality he will continue to eye up young women and you too will get older. Creepy 40 and 60 year old men arent born out of air, they are like your bf and women like u selling their youth for older man perks gas their ego up. You perpetuate the exploitation of womens youth.

I agree with this - I'm 35 and couldn't imagine dating anyone 25 or below. I used to work with someone who was 21 and it felt like he was a baby in comparison to me. I thought he was cute but I found myself feeling gross for thinking of someone that age like that.

OP - have your fun and date him.
As long as you have your head ok straight - it doesn’t have to end up badly.

But dating and settling down for the long term are very different things. So - personally - i’d say dating - as long as its fun for you is perfectly fine.
Settling down at 22 with a 33yo - i’d say is a bad idea. First - it’s quite early anyway. Second - you really should have a bit more fun as you are barely an adult. Your mind have only just reached full maturity from physiological point of view and you will still change a lot.

As to why a 33yo would be interested in someone this much younger - yes, it’s your age mostly. When you met on a night out - YOU might have not known how old he was - but he knew you were really young. It’s obvious to people, no matter how ‘mature’ you think you look.

In itself - you being young being an attraction for him is not an issue. After all - it’s the same for you in reverse - him being older - property ladder, etc. Women have always liked more established and stable men.

Him being at the same level of maturity as a 22yo is a concern, however…

The thing is a man in his 30s shouldn't be at the same life stage as a woman in her early 20s. What the hell has he been doing with his life? All of the advantages are his.

I'm the same age as the guy you're dating. It is very unlikely you're at the same stage or maturity level, regardless of what he says.

He's had 15 years adult life experience, what has he learned (or not learned) that makes him as mature as a 22 year old?

For stages, not considering marriage and kids, what about assets and stage of his career? A lot of 33 year olds will own their home, car, have savings, etc as well as starting to progress through the ranks at work.

The occasional relationship between a 22 and a 33 may have a happy story but it is not common.

Lol what kind of logic is that? my partner is 5 years younger than me, so by your logic that's wrong because can you imagine a 18 year old man dating a 13 year old girl?