Another weekend in tears

[adultingbadly]

Sat in my car in a supermarket car park in tears again. I'm so sick of everyone falling out in our house. We can't seem to have a weekend that doesn't end up in a huge fall out.
Difficult teenage girl (kicks off at every little thing, rude to everyone, nothings ever her fault), DP that can't ever take responsibility for any part in any argument (usually with her) so then starts stomping and swearing around like a bear with a sore head.11 year old son who then gets upset that everyone's falling out.
And apparently it's all my fault for making them entitled 🤷🏼‍♀️
So fed up 😢

And you sound better? Okay. Let's leave it here. Women like you are bullies.

no. this OP’s boyfriend is the bully to a teen girl he met 4 years ago maximum and is alone with him and her younger brother (unless OP now back home)

OP, it is time to put on your big girl pants.

It is not okay to simply run away from a situation of your own making for a little cry. You are the adult here and you are responsible.

Hint: The situation is not working and your kids come first. Your boyfriend needs to move out.

Teenage girls can be so moody and difficult to love. The trouble is your boyfriend doesn’t have the love baked in that a biological parent has that sees them through the trickier times. That is why step parents and blended families can be so tough on children. There are times they need that precious unconditional love, but you are being distracted by a moody bloke you’ve decided to move into the family home. He needs to stop swearing and shouting at your children or move out. Ultimatum time - but you have to mean it.

Of course, you won’t do this, because you want a man around, even a substandard one and even at the expense of your children’s well being. Tale as old as time.

You have a boyfriend problem. Why do you allow him to argue with your teen daughter. Bloody get rid of him.

TBH this all sounds like a storm in a teacup.

Why not get her to help him with assembling her furniture? Apart from anything else it's a very useful life lesson.

😂How dare a teen be disciplined. You're very dramatic.

If DP can’t learn to cope with a teen’s behaviour (which can be very difficult), then he needs to move out.

You have 2 kids, not 3 but you are speaking like you have 3.

i wouldn’t have my boyfriend of 5 years shouting at my teen daughter repeatedly. Nope.

i wonder if he has children?

or if he has no children. and that was a conscious decision on his part.

I'm not sure your comment of "oh great now you've set her off" did much to help the situation tbh. I think everyone apart from the poor ds needs to modify their behaviour.

I have 2 teens and a pre teen and we have stuff like this happen all the time. Their dad and I are married. It's hard raising teens. It's hard when you don't agree how the other one is handling something. DP being step dad just adds another layer.
Myself and dh work had trying not to blame each other when something goes wrong. It's hard. Full stop

Oh, for goodness’ sake! Some of the posters on here have some very odd ideas about stepfamilies… They can and do work, and part of that is the DSP mucking in and doing some parenting (like building the IKEA furniture or washing pants).

There’s some really good advice from PPs - particularly around having limits but picking your battles (my hard limit was being sworn at), and encouraging your DP to read up on teenage brain chemistry. It can be really hard as a DSP, but you do just have to remember that as a DSP you’re not the “victim” here, and nor are you and the kids equals. You’re the adult, they’re the kids, and there’s still that power differential there, even though you’ve not been their parent forever and even though, as the newcomer, you can feel on wobbly ground.

All that said, we survived my DSC’s teen years, and I have a lovely relationship with all of them.

You are not a shit mum. Everyone seems to be over-reacting on here and this is turning into a bit of a witch-hunt for your partner. My dad got like this with me as a teenager. He was an only child growing up and I think he couldn't handle being round a moany stroppy teenager sometimes (ie me) because he'd never had to do it before. Some of our exchanges would be petty and I would be so mad at him. But I don't hold any resentment now! I understand I must have been difficult to be around. So again, you're not a shit mum.

Why do so many adults take teenage strops so personally? Like they're some great act of terrible disrespect instead of a normal, albeit bloody awful, phase of growth?

When she kicked off about the furniture not being built - I would have
A. Sent it back
B give her a tool kit and tell her to get on with it herself !

@autisticat do you have children?

But why not? Are you joking? It’s awful. Chips away at your self esteem and leaves you feeling like an anxious ball of worthless shit.

Why the fuck not??

All good sensible points

are you joking?

this poster is meaning don’t bother but ltb instead

@notjustthecandle why do you ask?

I don’t understand why dd didn’t build her own furniture if she wanted it done yesterday ? If it was something very big like a wardrobe then that’s a 2 person job but if it’s stuff like a chest of drawers then she should be able to assemble it herself.

relevant

i wanted to ask how you would have felt watching a man you have known for 5 years shouting and stomping around your children and indeed directed at one of your children

@picklesandcucumbers Blended families don’t work? Don’t be daft

I think you've had a lot of mean comments about DO not being your children's father- I've only read the first page.

I think in your position I would be saying, listen, when we met, you knew I had kids. You knew that taking our relationship to the level that it is at, would mean you share day to day with my children with me.
DD isn't easy, but in this situation, you are an adult. I need you to act like an adult, preferably one who isn't shouting and swearing.
This changes, or you need to leave.

Then you need go speak with your DD, yes she's a teenager, but she sounds like she's ruining for a fight all the time, with you, or your partner. How is she at school? How's her attitude? Is she being bullied? What is really going on?