Why does there have to be a reason for low libido?

[milkonesugar35]

I have very low sex drive - always have done.

Whenever I mention it I'm quizzed with:
Are you on hormonal contraception?
Are you on medication?
Are you depressed?

The answers to all three is no. I just don't want or need frequent sex. It's as if it has to be justified!

Yes my husband would like more frequent sex but he's known me this way for 12 years.

Anyone else experienced this too? It's really annoying!!

Can't be bothered" is such a weird way of putting it to me as well. It doesn't take that much effort to have sex and even less to have an orgasm.

@gannett I can't ever imagine not being bothered about having an orgasm. Couple of minutes of your day for amazing stress relief!

and free moisturizer!

No there isn't necessarily a reason. Some people just have a lower libido than some other people, without it being out of the norm for them. There's not necessarily something wrong with them.

Same goes for men.
Loads of threads on here from women in sexless marriages and relationships and many times there is no fix.
They just don't want it

For all those saying it's a biological purpose - I've got kids, I'm done procreating. I'm 35. Sex serves no purpose now. It's a time waster. Our relationship is fine.

Says you.

I wonder what your husband thinks.

Then presumably you’ve got a husband who’s not at all bothered either. Great, you’re both happy, presumably.

So then why the thread?

If you and your husband are content with the amount of sex you're having I have no idea why you are telling your friends.

My friends and I are very open but no one has asked me more than once how often I have sex.

Personally I am 43 and live sex

@Comedycook well he's been with me 12 years and married me so I think he's ok.

Yes but you did say

Yes my husband would like more frequent sex

@Comedycook but he values are relationship more. He's a good man who doesn't want or expect me to do something I don't want to do.

LOL at our relationship is fine.

From your point of view.

This is one of the prime reasons people have affairs. Dead bedrooms.

"Lol" hilarious isn't it.

Why would dislike it? Yeah there were lots of times at it like rabbits..

But still had a middle to low sex drive. Don’t miss any of it. Orgasms were easy and fast. But still got no interest now.

Maybe change ‘can’t be bothered’to lost interest.

Sarcastic and quite rude.

He's a lucky man

I think this is true. On MN you could never admit it, but I do think in real-life marriages the person with the lower sex drive will often have sex to please their partner, as they love them and want to stay together.

@toppitytop no one should ever ever have sex just to "please their partner"

I completely disagree. Marriage is about both partners putting the other person first, in many different ways, even when it requires some sacrifice on one part.

I think people are confusing “a reason” with “a problem”. However high or low a persons sex drive is, there are reasons behind it. Neither high nor low is a problem for the person whose libido it is, if they are happy.

Mismatched libidos do become problematic in long term relationships though, more often than not.

I find the attitudes of some on this thread who have no interest in sex quite interesting. There seems to be a complete lack of understanding that just because they don’t want sex, there are others who do. And it has nothing to do with shaved legs or a large penis! Some comments have seemed to lean towards shaming those with a high sex drive.

I have experienced both in my life. The times I’ve been less interested there have definitely been causes - hormonal contraception, tiredness, stress, unsatisfactory sex or just genuine unhappiness/lack of closeness in the relationship. I am the same age as OP, 35, and am now in a relationship with a very attentive partner. I’ve never wanted sex more than I do now.

Same. I had a crazy high libido up to about 30. Like super high.

Three kids then and being reminded how 'long it's been' when you have three children under 5 aint gonna help.

Throw perimenopause into the mix and there's pretty much not even a flicker of a libido there now, pardon the pun.

OP - you’re tone and attitude is actually quite LOL😆

Sounds like you’ve unilaterally decided that you can’t be arsed with sex anymore and so now husband will go without sex for what, another 40-50 years? Because his desire for sex is what, irrelevant?

Bonkers!

If you read my op you'll see that I've always been this way, he knows know different.

I don't think having sex you don't want is something you can just do without a risk of psychological damage.
There are plenty of other things someone can do for their partner.

You should read about the impacts that making this 'sacrifice' can have on the person who is doing it. It can have severe consequences for some people so it's nowhere near as simple as you're making out.

I have a high sex drive. I genuinely wouldn't want a partner of mine to force himself to have sex with me if he didn't want to. The thought of it would make me physically sick tbh.

Of course people say "but I don't want my partner to force themselves, I want them to want it".....sounds good in theory but they don't want it so you can't have that.

I would just end the relationship because sex is important to me!

He might like more sex, but if he knows his partner doesn't want it then he's ok with not having it, which is actually the healthiest way for a person to deal with the incompatibility if they are staying in the relationship.