Why does there have to be a reason for low libido?

[milkonesugar35]

I have very low sex drive - always have done.

Whenever I mention it I'm quizzed with:
Are you on hormonal contraception?
Are you on medication?
Are you depressed?

The answers to all three is no. I just don't want or need frequent sex. It's as if it has to be justified!

Yes my husband would like more frequent sex but he's known me this way for 12 years.

Anyone else experienced this too? It's really annoying!!

Evidence?

A lot of posts on MN suggest otherwise with women expressing concerns about their partner’s ED. I’ve read 3 with just a quick scan through this morning.

Well the sheer number of exclamation marks in all of your posts suggests you’re quite pissed off about the whole thing.

Why are you on Mumsnet moaning about how no one understands why etc etc.. Why do you even give a flying fuck if you’re so chilled about not wanting it?

Also, sorry (not sorry) to point it out but yeah, there are reasons for low libido (and all other libido levels), we’re biological mammals with hormones, brain chemistry and instincts - so yeah, your low libido probably is down to your hormones etc. That doesn’t mean you have to do something about it or even give two shits about changing ANYTHING if it suits you. But there is a reason, like it or lump it.

Also, suggesting that we need to shave our legs to (enjoy) sex is a bit dated these days. Obviously you can shave, pluck and primp as much as you please. But many people don’t give a shit about that these days.

Well some women do like it loads, and some men don’t, so can we swap?! You can have mine, he won’t trouble you at all!

Thanks for the offer, but no thanks. I’m happy with second hand, pre-used, previously loved etc but I prefer one in full working order.

@StarlightLady oh, he functions fine and does rather well when he wants to. He just is happy with once a month, I am not.

I strongly suggest getting a second one! But that is why l’ve been called names on MN before.

Bizarre huh. You can have sex with hairy legs 😂

Also, I don't shave my legs for sex, I shave them for my own purposes.

Who on earth shaves their legs to have sex with a long term partner?

First time maybe but after that who cares?

Yes because a massive penis is all that it takes to make a man good in bed.

There are reasons why people don't enjoy all kinds of things, but we don't insist on treating them even when the person isn't that arsed. Even if the reasons are medical, we don't bang on about it as much as we bang on about low libidos being something that needs solving.

There's a genetic reason why some people don't like coriander, but no one is suggesting they visit their GP to find a way to overcome it.

I guess that there has to be a biological reason for everything related to the body when it comes down to it but the person doesn't have to actively try and change something that they are quite content with. Noone has to feel obliged to do anything that they don't want to but at the same time, if people have mismatched sex drives and it's a deal breaker for them then they have every right to question whether that will have an impact on the sustainability of their relationship. Noone should ever be obliged to have sex if they don't want to and noone should feel obliged to remain in a relationship if they are unhappy with a lack of sex.

Ok, well even with a super non selfish handsome man who is amazing in bed. I’m still not interested.

When you say sex, do you mean piv only or anything that involves you having at least one orgasm?

Me? Any of it. Cant be bothered with orgasms any more.

Sorry, men get viagra and I have known more women complain about their husband's lack of sex drive. It must be very stressful on a marriage

I rarely drink alcohol. I'm aware some people find it pleasurable but I'm not fussed. Nobody thinks that is weird or tells me to see a doctor

I don't smoke. Again, it's not weird.

I rarely have sex. Why is that considered strange?

Me? Any of it. Cant be bothered with orgasms any more.

I can’t imagine this, so do not have the urge to masturbate? This question is for all the low libido posters.

I think I would physically burst if I went more than three days without an orgasm.

Nope. It all went after menopause. No interest at all.

I do think there is a lot of truth in this...

Never shaved my legs in my life or any other part of me for that matter

Because sex is a uniquely pleasurable and bonding experience. There is nothing else like it. With the right partner and chemistry, its an intensely pleasurable emotional and sexual and sensual and physical experience. Its the thing you and your partner do with no-one else, only each other.

I spent most of my life not really enjoying sex. I've only had sex with two men that I actually enjoyed and then I intensely enjoyed it.

A good sex life with the right person is really life enhancing.

And no, its nothing like a wank.

However, its clear from your response that you genuinely don't enjoy sex.

Op..you feel however you feel. No one should have to have sex if they don't want to obviously.

However you do sound very unbothered as to how this may be affecting your husband.

I don’t think it’s weird at all, unless you’re in a relationship with a higher libido partner, and you think your partner should just deal with it.

Then I think it’s weird.

Did you ever like sex and orgasms though? Because it doesn't even sound like there's anything you miss, not even the memory of pleasure.

One of the things I worry about most is going deaf and being unable to hear music any more. The idea that my body is going to take my libido away from me makes me almost as anxious really. I'm very invested in neither of these sources of pleasure being destroyed for me.

"Can't be bothered" is such a weird way of putting it to me as well. It doesn't take that much effort to have sex and even less to have an orgasm.