Why does there have to be a reason for low libido?

[milkonesugar35]

I have very low sex drive - always have done.

Whenever I mention it I'm quizzed with:
Are you on hormonal contraception?
Are you on medication?
Are you depressed?

The answers to all three is no. I just don't want or need frequent sex. It's as if it has to be justified!

Yes my husband would like more frequent sex but he's known me this way for 12 years.

Anyone else experienced this too? It's really annoying!!

Well thank goodness we have you the expert. I’ll tell my friends since primary school they are liars or I suppose I am to. Also my work bestie also says exactly the same.

ivr had organisms etc and still have zero interest in sex ! I’m healthy, good figure good diet for m simply not interested. Just because YOU can’t get your head round it doesn’t for one minute mean there is anything alt all wrong . When you don’t understand something doesn’t give you the right to be adamant there’s something wrong or my friends are liars !!!

I mean taking herion is supposed to feel great as is being drunk, not interested in them either.

@Comedycook I love sex, but there is so much more to a romantic relationship than just that. Friendships are great and all but even my best friend does not even come close to the intimacy I have with my husband - and not just physical one.

The best way I can describe it that this person lives rent free in my head and in one way or another is always on my mind. No close friend can compare to a good relationship (and I've had bad one too).

Yes I am aware of that...I am in a relationship. But on another thread the op said she doesn't even give her husband a peck goodnight/good morning.

@lanza11 do you or your friends feel like it's a chore that is expected of you?

if we are only referring to OP's case...she doesn't actually even know if her husband is celibate or is having an affair. It does not sound like they even talk to each other that much

As much as I’ll be calmed a liar ! I can categorically say I’ve never owned a sex toy, never pleasured myself ever. I just have zero interest in sex never ever ever have.

I’ve played my way through life done it 2/3 a week to fill the dutiful wife role. But when I leave in the summer I will happily never have it ever again.

I have zero desire to see doctors etc lots of things get me excited bring me joy sadly sex isn’t one of them.

what’s sad on this post is the women on here who are really into sex it’s top of the agenda, being outright bitches to people like myself and many others on the post. Why not just think fair enough everyone’s different.

Yes and my friend from work also feels the same we all see it as a chore and could happily leave it.

Well yes, perhaps she just feels strongly about the subject so that's why she chooses to start conversations about it.

I'm not in this situation (although I have had the experience of being coerced into unwanted sex before) and I generally have a very high libido and love sex and it's massively important to me, but these threads really annoy me because it's always the same narrative and it doesn't actually further the conversation in society. It's always just the same old story...low libido partner is the bad guy and they're deliberately harming their partner, even if the high libido partner doesn't mention it ever then they couldn't possibly be happy and have to be getting it elsewhere or secretly living in misery.

@lanza11 can I ask how old your friend group is? apologies if this has been said before and I've missed it.

@kkloo people like to assume the worse. We don't actually know if the "high libido" partner has high libido - chances are they don't since if they genuinely did they'd probably be with someone else.

I very much dislike it. We share a bed to sleep and that's all. I wear pyjamas to bed I don't ever like sleeping naked. More often than not I'm in bed asleep long before him anyway

@milkonesugar35 are you affectionate with your DH? Kiss goodnight? Hugs? Cuddle in bed?

A low libido is only a problem if your partner has a high libido because the individual with the LL gets to do decide how much sex they are having (or not having). The person will a LL can be male or female, same with High Libido. For some people the lack of sex is something they can't live with.

Occasionally but I'm in bed at 8 and he doesn't come up until 11. Early bird v night owl - again always been this way.

38-41

I very much dislike it

I think this puts a different slant on it. I assumed you were a bit "meh" about it and couldn't be bothered....but actively disliking it sounds like a whole different situation. How do you manage it at all if you feel like this? Have you considered that you maybe asexual?

Are you in the UK? Your penultimate post was at 23.58pm UK time, so even if you go up to bed at 8pm, you're clearly not asleep at that time. Are you hiding from him? Pretending to be asleep? Why aren't you having an evening together?

You sounds really disjointed as a couple, and that's ok if you are - most of us have been there. You might want to think about whether you are madly in love with this man, or whether it might be time to re-think this whole relationship.

I didn't want sex with my ExH (latterly). I would avoid him at all costs. My now DH, it's a completely different kettle of fish. We have numerous date nights a week, and I want sex with him as much as possible.

I'm not saying this is the case, but it might be worth thinking about whether this relationship has run it's course. How would you feel if your DH meets OW? Do you love him? How does HE feel about all of this? Do you have any romantic feelings for him? Do you have belly laughs together, touch each other at all, tease each other? Do you have romantic holidays together? You are still young, and deserve all of these exciting things, instead of lying upstairs closeted in pyjamas at 8pm.

@milkonesugar35 so you rarely even hug or kiss? So your relationship doesn't just lack sexual intimacy but ALL intimacy?

If he is made the same way, crack on. If not he's suffering. Most people would struggle with this level of lack of physical affection if not sex.

@lanza11 what’s sad on this post is the women on here who are really into sex it’s top of the agenda, being outright bitches to people like myself and many others on the post. Why not just think fair enough everyone’s different.

Tbf the criticism goes both ways. as always on MN people will fight their corner with bizarre ferocity. Low libido people suggesting those who need sex are deluded as sex isn't a need. High libido people thinking those who dislike sex have a problem. The condemnation goes both ways.

Truth is as long as BOTH people in the relationship are happy with the status quo then there is no problem.

If one person convinces themselves the other person is happy when they are not then there is a problem.

Truth is as long as BOTH people in the relationship are happy with the status quo then there is no problem.

This is true, but they are less likely to be the ones posting about it, and especially not starting threads on it.

This is true, but they are less likely to be the ones posting about it, and especially not starting threads on it.

@EBearhug and bringing it up repeatedly as OP appears to do both in real life and on here.

Let's say he is suffering though, then what?

This is true!

@kkloo Let's say he is suffering though, then what?

Then if the low affection person genuinely loves their partner and knows they are suffering then they need to do work on themselves and as a couple to find balance.

I'm not very huggy. I can be but it's not in my nature. But my DH is and I know it's important to him and I love him so I make the effort to give him a hug before I pop out or hold him if he's feeling low.
What I don't do it say 'not my problem. I'm not huggy. I shouldn't have to hug. That's my right. Etc.

I put him needs first sometimes and he puts my needs first also.

Luckily for both of us, we both enjoy sex so no issue there. But the is definitely more tactile than I am and needs. NEEDS. more physical affection. And because I love him I do my best to accommodate

Bear in mind he does the same. He knows I get a bit hugged out so he pecks me on the head sometimes when I know he really would rather go in for a bear hug!

How many threads have we seen on here, where a woman posts that her DH has had an affair and is leaving? Then a few posts in, it's revealed that they never had sex? I think there are a lot of couple's, where one person is feeling neglected, and the other person refuses to listen. Rarely ends well.

this is really young