Husband has another child

[LAC247]

Hi All
I am in need of some advice my partner of 23 years has decided to go ahead and have a DNA test with a 32 Year Old without discussing it with his current family 2 DC and his mum decided to blurt it out on the phone, he wont show me the DNA test saying it is non of my business is that normal behavior.
Long Story short this person was conceived in a one off at a young age before our relationship started a few boys was a possible father but the mother decided to tell her child years later my oh was the dad, of which we decided as a couple it wouldn't go anywhere having 2 young children to bring up and with her being an adult nothing would be achieved and now years later its all been brought up again. Our children don't want any relationship so how to moved forward :(

I don't understand why he won't show you the results.

That said though, if your husband is her biological father then he needs to acknowledge her as do the rest of you.

If you're half way decent human beings anyway. As a species they appear to be few and far between sometimes.

So exactly what advice are you asking for OP?

My previous reaction was out of anger i was also lied to this all was out in the open at the time the child was born and it got ignored, when we started the relationship he was asked if it was true and he point blank said no. If it was the case the child was in fact his child there was nothing to stop perusing it we didn't have children at that point and i didn't have to continue a relationship we had no ties.
The point i am making is wouldn't it be normal to at least sit your other children down and explain this rather than it being blurted out on the phone to at least give them time to understand it before they made an choices.
How can his other children even start a relationship without the proof she is actually there sibling.

You said your point is that you're asking if your bloke is abnormal.
I mean...who cares? The actual important issue is the child he didn't bother resolving paternity of for decades.

Is English not your first language, apologies if so, but it'd extremely difficult to understand what you ate saying.

It sounds like you have encouraged your children to not want to meet their half sibling and it also sounds very much like you are extremely passive aggressive towards your husband having any relationship with her too.

I understand OP, he has gone behind your back in reopening this and now he won't even show you the results. I'd be upset as well.

So it sounds like the OP didn't want to get involved with a man who had a child already. He lied and denied it. Or at least didn't bother to confirm one way or the other. Now, when it's too late and she has 2 kids with him, he's decided to pursue it after all and the OP is pissed off.
He's told her it's none of her business (even though it is be a he's her husband and it affects their own children) and refused to confirm one way or the other (which is childish and pathetic).
Ultimately it was his decision to not take care of this years ago and is now holding it against the OP because she isn't keen. But she has never lied about this - she was upfront from the get go that she wanted no involvement.

The whole thing is a mess. All you can do is talk to him and say that you need to come to a resolution together because you are married and a family. And then accept that although he's not handled it well, if he is a father to this young woman, then she has rights and is as important as your own children when it comes to being considered by him,
Or if you really want no part of it, your only other option is leaving him. But that's a huge thing to do when you have children and could absorb this new reality into your family.

I completely agree and when it came out 8 weeks ago i told him to have a relationship with his child if that's what he wanted to do, the point is how can the other children be expected to form a relationship without proof it is there sibling. As i said in my first post he was named with a few other boys at the time we only have the mothers word it is his child.
The point of the post is he wont show the DNA test how can anyone move forward without him being honest now.

we decided as a couple it wouldn't go anywhere having 2 young children to bring up and with her being an adult nothing would be achieved

The pair of you are vile.

I would certainly make clear that he needs to stop fucking about with test results and not showing you the information and grow up. He's a married father not a teenager. Refusal to discuss would result in a divorce in my house.

So this Could be a non issue. There’s no proof without seeing the DNA test results. Only then can you decide what to do, based on factual information. It’s all quite bizarre. Why won’t he show them to you? Is he lying about something? Sounds shady as hell.

SecondUsername4me ·
Sorry you feel that way as i have said he was asked when the relationship started he denied it, i was allowed to make a choice if to continue the relationship where i would eventually become a step parent isn't that anybody's right. I was angry when it came out again as a lot of people would be now the issue is he still wont be honest so everyone can move forward.

If it were me, I would conclude that his reluctance to show the DNA result means the test came back +ve, as in he's the father. Because a -ve result doesn't change the status quo and therefore nothing to be scared about telling the truth.

OP, as foe his not warning the children, well, it is unfortunate. But now you need to look at the future. Pretending to give your blessing to your children to establish a relationship with the new sibling "if they want" is not gracious. It's as if you're hoping they won't.

The sibling (if genuine) is entitled to establishing a relationship with their father.

Why is he hiding the results of the DNA test? It sounds like it's pretty likely that he is the father but it also sounds like he still doesn't want to accept this, for whatever reason, which is why he's gone about this completely the wrong way and ruffled everyone's feathers, including yours. I don't know what you can do other than sit him down and insist that he's completely honest with you, though.

@LAC247 how old is the supposed love child????? How old are you? how old is your partner because I am really confused here??

Perhaps the reason he isn't sharing everything with you is that you made him choose between his older child and you/his younger children? That was a terrible thing to do. You must know that.

2jacqi
I am 40 the other half is 48 and the child is 32.

I think your OH should tell you if he is or is not the father of a 32 year old. That does not mean you have to even meet said person if it is the case, or have any other relationship with them. I do think the 32 year old should know who their biological father is, if only because certain conditions or diseases seem to be passed down through the generations, or at least be predisposed to them.

Why do you say a test hasn't been done then later say a test was done 8 weeks ago?

He said the test has been done but wont show it to me, he told me the test was done 8 weeks ago.

Your posts are quite confusing, so can I clarify my understanding?

At 16 your future partner had a sexual relationbship with someone who was also seeing other people. She had a baby, paternity was not established.

While you and your partner were dating you hear rumours about this potential child of your partner and you asked him about it.

You subsequently married and have two children of your own.

The daughter is now 32 and has been in contact. There's been a DNA test that your MIL knew about but you didn't.

You're angry with your partner for not raising the matter with you and your children.

Is that about it? If so, I'm not surprise he hasn't told you as he's probably still getting his own head around it. It's unfortunate your MIL blurted it out.

You can't wish away a grown adult, OP. It's not her fault. She can want to contact her biological family. You don't have to be involved.

She has a right to know who her father is, it's cruel to deny someone that chance for so many years. Plus, if he is not telling the outcome, he is probably the father, you'd think he would have been delighted to tell you the outcome if he wasn't the father.

Wow - your children are feeding off of you - I would want my husband to have a relationship with a child that was conceived before he started a relationship with me. It was the responsible thing for him to do to have a test - its weird he will not share it with you - but its not really your decision is it? This 32 year old has a right to know their father - why would you deny it? Deny your children a chance of another family relationship?

"10 years younger than myself".

10 years younger than me.

I have no idea other than there has not been a test done yet

You said this further up though, OP.

I'm honestly so confused at the wording in your posts.