Sister in laws wedding versus holiday with best friends

[Gooseberrypicklebum]

Help. I have booked a holiday abroad with my 3 best friends for our joint 50th birthdays! It was booked last September 23 and I checked with my partner that weekend was free and sent him screenshot of dates booked in my calendar afterwards. My friends don't have a lot of money and we have never all managed to go away before now (we are friends over 35 years!) . Problem ....my sister in laws wedding is the same weekend. She had sent a save the date message in Feb 23 but I never put it in calander and forgot all about it 😭. We are not particularly close and I rarely see her or any of my partners family as we don't have much in common. AIBU to chose the 5 day holiday with my friends over the wedding?? I'm upset to miss wedding but I'll be devastated to miss holiday (all paid and non refundable) with best friends. My partner is really angry that I want to go on holiday .

I think you kind of need to cancel the holiday for a family wedding (how long are you with your partner ?)

If you booked the holiday before you got the save the date I would have said the holiday would be fine to go on but you got the save the date and should have saved it in your calendar to stop this from happening.

family weddings trump holidays with friends

Together 13 years with 2 kids. I've arranged for them to be collected from wedding after the meal so partner can enjoy the night!

You need to enjoy the holiday while you are all together and you can. It's not proper family if it's an in law. There's no blood. It's not like you are missing your sister's wedding.

Your partner doesn't get to be angry. It's his sister and HE forgot to write down the date. He'll need to apologize to her which is probably why he's grumpy.

Depends whether you give a shit about your Partner and their feelings to be honest.

To be honest I'd be annoyed too if we'd had a save the date for a family wedding and DH booked a holiday with mates over the same date, months after we'd received it.

BUT if you'd run the dates past your partner before you booked then he had the chance to point out the clash or at least say 'that doesn't clash with X's wedding does it'? I'd assume at least the month a sibling was getting married would stick in his head, if not the exact date.

I don't see there's much you can do now it's all booked and paid for but it's a shame all round.

As long as you've not already had formal invites and RSVPd, I would go on holiday. Let your sister in law know and apologise, send a nice gift and enjoy your holiday.

It would be wedding for me, because I don't subscribe to the notion of 'big birthdays'.

What?!?!?
its her partner’s sister!
what have I just read
only blood relatives count - how horrible
her partner may feel very different
id be horrified if my husband thought so little of my siblings

Definitely go on holiday.
Other people’s Weddings are tedious bore fests at the best of times. I’ve happily excused myself from various family weddings over the years and it’s been fine. The only people who need to attend are the bride and groom, everyone else is superfluous. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd go on the holiday, and your partner can go to the wedding. If you never see them anyway, then it shouldn't be a big deal.

No way I would cancel a holiday celebrating a milestone birthday with best friends, for the wedding of a family member of my partner who I barely know or see.

Enjoy your holiday OP, it sounds lovely!

I agree with this. I hate weddings and love holidays so I’d be on a plane to the sun sending SIL a gift before I boarded

He’s equally responsible for not putting the save the date on the calendar. The holiday is booked. Your DH and DC will still attend. I can’t see the problem.

Is your DH annoyed that he’ll have to attend the wedding and look after the children on his own?

He’s equally responsible for not putting the save the date on the calendar.

Yep, this is what I was going to say as well. He could have put the date in the calendar and then you would have known you were busy, why is that your responsibility? You've now got a clash and can't reschedule the holiday - it's unfortunate, but there are always going to be some people who can't attend any event, however long in advance the Save the Date cards come out.

He says not...they are 12 and 9 so not much minding in them!! Also my best friends husband will collect them (At any stage of the day or evening!). and have them for sleepover while his wife is on holiday with me!!

If this was my wedding I would understand, a wedding does not mean the whole world stops, things happen in life and it was not deliberate

Definitely go on the holiday!

Yes, her partner's sister who the op rarely ever sees and barely knows. Good grief, the drama over this non-event is astounding. I'll bet the bride won't even care if the op is there or not.

This was my thought too. He is equally as responsible for putting the date on the calendar (if not more so as it's his family), plus you say you ran the dates past him whe and booking the holiday... And he forgot then equally too.

I think your SiL would be justified in feeling upset if she wanted you there as she did send out save the dates beforehand, but I don't think DH is reasonable to place blame or anger onto you without owning his role in this situation as well.

If it was your sister then I’d say cancel the holiday but since it’s your SIL and you’re not very close I’d say just send husband and kids to wedding and go on holiday 😁

Can you move your dates ie fly out a day or 2 late?
It seems really mean to have booked a holiday that clashes with the wedding. I don't think it would be an issue if it was a cousin but his sister you should both make an effort.

Can't move or fly out late . Going on a Wed till Sun and wedding on the friday.

I didn't remember the wedding or I would never have booked the holiday. I didn't do it to be mean