Sister in laws wedding versus holiday with best friends

[Gooseberrypicklebum]

Help. I have booked a holiday abroad with my 3 best friends for our joint 50th birthdays! It was booked last September 23 and I checked with my partner that weekend was free and sent him screenshot of dates booked in my calendar afterwards. My friends don't have a lot of money and we have never all managed to go away before now (we are friends over 35 years!) . Problem ....my sister in laws wedding is the same weekend. She had sent a save the date message in Feb 23 but I never put it in calander and forgot all about it 😭. We are not particularly close and I rarely see her or any of my partners family as we don't have much in common. AIBU to chose the 5 day holiday with my friends over the wedding?? I'm upset to miss wedding but I'll be devastated to miss holiday (all paid and non refundable) with best friends. My partner is really angry that I want to go on holiday .

His fault. He could have put it in the calendar.

And like others I think he's only fuming because he'll have to organise getting the kids ready as well as himself and he's already proved himself useless at organisation!

Go on your holiday and leave him to it. He can explain to his SIL about his failure to put the date in the calendar.

Maybe next time he'll bloody learn!

I'd just go on your holiday and enjoy yourself. You're not close to you SIL and you don't see each other often, so even if she is annoyed with you it will make next to no difference to your daily life. Also, you have to remember that with planning a wedding your SIL will have so many things to think about/do, etc. The fact that one in-law can't attend will probably be way down on the list of a million things she is dealing with. Your DH and DC can attend so that should be sufficient.
If I was getting married and either of my siblings partners couldn't make it (especially for a reason like yours), I would understand and not hold it against them. I don't expect my wedding to be as important to other people as it is to me.

Go on holiday, your DH can still go to the wedding regardless!

I'm actually quite shocked at how many people are referring to SIL as not being immediate family. I get it, it's through marriage but she's still your family. In total agreement with @ColleenDonaghy your DP's family is your family and vice versa.

There's no way I wouldn't go to my partner's sisters wedding, it's a family occasion, you are family.

I would go to the wedding, more so because the invite was sent well before you booked the holiday. If the other way around then 100% I would have said the holiday, as you can't account for plans that have already been made.

It's a bugger of a decision to make OP but I do think the wedding is the right one

Friends are the family that you choose. Definitely go on the holiday!!!

Ps. what's wrong with your husband that he can't arrange childcare or to see his family? Does it feel like you have 3 children sometimes?

Go on the holiday. Husband can go to wedding.

Agree he should have noticed the clash when you kept him in the loop while booking.

go on your holiday. You’ll never be 50 again. It sounds unlikely the stars will align for you all to get the chance of another holiday together again. Possibly more likely that your sister in law will have another wedding 🫢

With the absolute greatest of respect here OP, you really won't be missed at the wedding, but you would be missed on the holiday.

Sure I'm sure people will ask your DH where you are and why you're not there, but is it really going to affect any part of the day for anyone else? Surely your DH knows and likes enough people there that he won't feel like billy no mates.

A "save the date" is not an invitation.

Definitely go on the holiday. If you're not that close then no offence but the bride won't miss you.

I would do something nice though like send her a nice wedding gift and acknowledge the mix up with the dates. Also go to the hen gathering if there is one and you're invited.

It's bad to miss the wedding but the holiday will be way way better. In this situation I'd be selfish.

Would the bride miss you, regret you not being there and remember that forever because it ruined the day? NO.

Would you regret not having a once in a lifetime holiday for the sake of your SIL's day being exactly the same with or without you being there? YES.

Your DH should let her know he forgot to 'save the date' and he will be there.

Go on the holiday. Apologise and throw DP under the bus!

If holidays are rare and you dont talk to your sister in law often, then you should go on holiday! Its very understandable since you have also paid for the holiday, i think it is unreasonable to ask you to drop everything for the wedding.

Contact the bride yourself and explain.
You are not close, I'm sure she will be fine. Your OH being there is more important.

Enjoy the hol , you only get one 50th birthday, but marriages can end in divorce (is it her first wedding?).