Sister in laws wedding versus holiday with best friends

[Gooseberrypicklebum]

Help. I have booked a holiday abroad with my 3 best friends for our joint 50th birthdays! It was booked last September 23 and I checked with my partner that weekend was free and sent him screenshot of dates booked in my calendar afterwards. My friends don't have a lot of money and we have never all managed to go away before now (we are friends over 35 years!) . Problem ....my sister in laws wedding is the same weekend. She had sent a save the date message in Feb 23 but I never put it in calander and forgot all about it 😭. We are not particularly close and I rarely see her or any of my partners family as we don't have much in common. AIBU to chose the 5 day holiday with my friends over the wedding?? I'm upset to miss wedding but I'll be devastated to miss holiday (all paid and non refundable) with best friends. My partner is really angry that I want to go on holiday .

I have a relationship like this with my
SIL also. I would do the holiday.
Enjoy!

What is his actual issue?

That he thinks it makes him look bad?
That he doesn't want to go without you?
That SIL will be offended or that it disrespectful to her?

It's his fault for not marking the date on the calendar. Tough shit. You've sorted childcare for whatever time he chooses and it's just a wedding ffs.

Go on holiday and send your best wishes 🤷🏽‍♀️

Your first post said you must have been in the middle of something when it was forwarded to you and forgot to save it . Now you are saying you were in bed with a severe vomiting bug when it was forwarded. Funny how you forgot about the severe bug till now .lol

Have a good long look at how your friend's husband is behaving in comparison to how your partner is behaving.

Holiday 100% and don't feel guilty either

This OP.
Also, there's no issue here! Your partner had to text his sister to ask so clearly, she knows there's been some mix-up.
He has to fix HIS mess instead of railroading you into cancelling your holiday.
You're also not that close so I don't see how or why there'd be an issue.

In fact, we don't even know there's an issue! It's not like she kicked up a fuss when he said you wouldn't be attending? Right now all that has happened is that he's trying to force you to cancel your holiday.

Another example of double standards. If this was a woman saying that her husband is missing her sisters wedding for a holiday with mates then the responses would be very different

If the save the date came in after the holiday was booked then it would be unfortunate but don’t think you or your husband have any excuse to have forgotten when you got it six months before.

Doesnt necessarily mean that you shouldn’t go but you shouldn’t expect people to not be upset about your choice

Not at all .

Since the holiday is a long way off could the group of you pay to move it to a different date?

Given you aren't close to your partners sister and your DH didn't pick up the clash as technically only he is included in family chat where invitation went out I would go on holiday with your friends.

Do a shared google calendar and tell your DH he is responsible for putting in his family's key events. Why aren't you on the family chat if you have been together for such a long time and have children?

Crikey! Can you imagine if the wife posted that the husband booked a golf trip over her sisters wedding weekend, he knew about it but got the dates mixed up but he’s insisting on going

Absolute nonsense @Pippa12. If he was meeting three friends for their joint fiftieths and had checked the date with his wife in advance, and sent screenshots, and she said good to go, book it - everyone would be on his side. But you conveniently edited your "if the roles were reversed" example to fit your point.

I would love to have been on holiday for my SIL's wedding not that I was invited but that's another story! Had to tolerate the evening do (only went because I had to bring H home!!) but I would have far rather been on holiday!!!

@successismyonlymotherfuckingoptionfailuresnot but they both knew the dates? He’d sent it to her on a what’s app and it wasn’t put in the calendar. They’re both at fault. They both knew the date, and forgot. Easy done. Absolute monumental error.

Would still choose my husband.

And of corse the friends husband is behaving differently- he’s not attending his sisters wedding alone whilst his wife if on holiday booked after the invites were sent out. In fact, his children now have a playmate and he’ll probably get a peaceful night in front of the tele 😂

Exactly, this is a no-brainer and I love weddings btw - definitely go on the holiday. Why is your partner so annoyed, if you’re not even close with the family? I doubt his sister will care. You definitely shouldn’t prioritise an event for someone you barely know just because they’re technically “family”, over an event with your closest friends.

The holiday, for sure. It will be a laugh!

Holiday 10000%. You absolutely should put what you want first. And stop instigating/taking charge of planning stuff with your husband’s family! His relatives, his job.

This. Agree totally.

I don't think DH has any business being "really angry" considering he didn't remember the date himself and said there were no clashes when OP ran it past him, didn't stop and think "Hang on a minute, maybe I'd better check which weekend the wedding is" when the subject of the holiday came up, and then had to message his sister to ask the date again.

I did make that choice and chose a holiday with my friends after my A levels, the other alternative would have been a family reunion with relatives I've never really had a relationship with (they emigrated to Australia right before I was born and I can count the number of times I've met them on one hand) and on that occasion I only found out the definite dates of the reunion after I'd already signed up to the holiday (although I hadn't paid anything at that point, so I could have dropped out and gone to the family reunion with no financial loss). OP, it doesn't sound like you have much more of a relationship with the bride and groom than I do with these relatives - go on your holiday and enjoy.

Go on the holiday with your friends: you’ve waited long enough for this and deserve the memories. At the wedding you will literally hardly be missed in a sea of people

Go on the holiday with your friends and enjoy yourself. It's fine, and I'm sure your sister in law will understand if told the truth, your partner will just have to parent the children and look after them on his own

Your DH is hilarious. Ordinarily I would say you should go to the wedding, but both of you forgot. He can’t be mad at you when he forgot his own sister’s wedding. She didn’t even send you a Save the Date. How can you be held responsible for remembering a date when you didn’t even receive the message? Is he offering to book you another holiday?

It’s an invite, not a summons. Go and enjoy your holiday.

He’s a grown man who is presumably fully capable of putting a date in a calendar. You’re not his PA. Similarly, as a grown man he is perfectly capable of looking after his two own children for a few hours at a wedding. That aside, you barely know the SIL, and this is an important holiday for your friendship group. I’d hands down go on the holiday. Your SIL won’t mind for a moment. I wouldn’t mind at all if a relative said their husband that I barely knew couldn’t go as he was going on a golfing holiday.

Team holidays here. I don't like weddings.