Sister in laws wedding versus holiday with best friends

[Gooseberrypicklebum]

Help. I have booked a holiday abroad with my 3 best friends for our joint 50th birthdays! It was booked last September 23 and I checked with my partner that weekend was free and sent him screenshot of dates booked in my calendar afterwards. My friends don't have a lot of money and we have never all managed to go away before now (we are friends over 35 years!) . Problem ....my sister in laws wedding is the same weekend. She had sent a save the date message in Feb 23 but I never put it in calander and forgot all about it 😭. We are not particularly close and I rarely see her or any of my partners family as we don't have much in common. AIBU to chose the 5 day holiday with my friends over the wedding?? I'm upset to miss wedding but I'll be devastated to miss holiday (all paid and non refundable) with best friends. My partner is really angry that I want to go on holiday .

Just tell him no op. Have you even had the formal invitation? How did you come to notice the clash?

He's got a 9 and 12 year old and a whole family, he's hardly juggling three year old twins in a dark forest 🙄 .h. He'd be solo parenting the kids that day regardless of where they are.

Not if she also added that he checked the dates with her and she cleared it.

It would have to be the holiday.

You are not even in the group that received the save the date. Your partner will have to explain he didn't update the calender so the date got missed.

Enjoy your holiday

Holiday over wedding every time. Both my sil missed our wedding, and I’ll miss every wedding I possibly can as they just are not for me or dh.

no, only he did. because she wasn't family enough to be in the family whatsapp group. she isnt his secretary

This, sure I love a good wedding but I am happy for people who have a holiday too even why do people always need to find things to be upset about do they create a list when they are younger of things other people have to do to make them happy?

Why can people not be happy for others?

Tricky one, I don't love my in laws but would defo cancel the holiday as I know my partner would do the same for me and we would both appreciate the other one doing so. However if it's really not a big deal to him or the family it's different. Personally I would feel too bad as even tho some say they're not your family, they are my family as annoyingly I kind of agreed to that when we married

Sorry I think you need to suck it up and go to the wedding given you and your DH both messed uo with the dates. If you don't gi I not sure it's something you can come back from

You knew about the wedding but you Conveniently forgot it . I bet if one of your friends sent a save the date you would have saved it . And it don’t matter if it was sent in a group. You were told . You did this on purpose. You are unreasonable.

It's not the equivalent of "him booking a golf weekend" though . The holiday is to celebrate us 4 friends turning 50 this year. ..they are my rocks and play a more important role in my life than DH family. I just hope my Dh family don't hold this against me as I don't want to "chose " between them and my friends . Why shouldn't I put what I want first for a change???

Yep but this is MN where the women can just pretend their partners family don't exist, god forbid it happens the other way round tho.

Did your partner fail to pick on the clash as well?

He's just as much to blame! Maybe more, as it's his sibling.

I'm surprised by some of the replies.

You've booked and paid for it. You're really excited about it. You have to go! Imagine watching all your mates go on holiday without you and seeing all the pics.
You didn't deliberately book it on that weekend.
Weddings can be dull. I'm sure dh and his family can muddle on without you there. Your sil will be too busy on the day to care.

I would call SIL and explain I effed up. I'd tell her how mortified I am and that I'd
like to make it up to her with a spa day / lunch together on me.

Fly back solo on the Friday?

I thought the golden rule on MN is that you go to the first thing you commit to? OP had the wedding date seven months before she booked the holiday.

Go on the holiday and do something for you! Yes you !

@Gooseberrypicklebum I imagine your DH’s family will hold it against you, as will your partner. You both knew the dates, you both forgot. I love my friends, 4 of us have been best friends since we were 11. My husband would still come first in this scenario, every time.

I was actually sent the date in a WhatsApp message while in bed with severe vomiting bug ....that's why it didn't get put into my calander in the moment! It was not mentioned again until tonight when I asked DH the date so that I could organise a sleepover for kids while we both enjoyed a late night at wedding. He literally had to text his sister this evening and ask when the wedding was. .....this is when i realised the clash of dates !!

10000% holiday. You would regret it if you went to your sil wedding over the special holiday. Its a shame dates got overlooked but if you aren't close anyway I'm sure she wouldn't be too upset with you not being there. Your partner can go but you may not get the chance to spend time with friends on holiday again like this.

It’s done now

but you have to clean things up with your partner and also her ?

Go on the holiday with your friends.

If your partner wanted to ensure you were both available for his sister's wedding, he should have calendared the event. He didn't. He was sent the invitation, not you, plus it's his family, so his responsibility.

Women really need to stop doing all the secretarial work for men and then accepting the blame when it doesn't get done.

Yes it's not ideal it was forgotten but it's a save the date not a summons or demand for your company. You should go on your holiday and do what you have planned about getting the children collected.

Think of this holiday as your 50th birthday event not just a holiday. No way would I cancel my precious long awaited time with friends to watch anyone get married. Just send your profuse apologies and think no more about it.

Have you issues of your own you need to work through?