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Original poster

Sister in laws wedding versus holiday with best friends

166 replies

Gooseberrypicklebum · 24/01/2024 20:13

Help. I have booked a holiday abroad with my 3 best friends for our joint 50th birthdays! It was booked last September 23 and I checked with my partner that weekend was free and sent him screenshot of dates booked in my calendar afterwards. My friends don't have a lot of money and we have never all managed to go away before now (we are friends over 35 years!) . Problem ....my sister in laws wedding is the same weekend. She had sent a save the date message in Feb 23 but I never put it in calander and forgot all about it 😭. We are not particularly close and I rarely see her or any of my partners family as we don't have much in common. AIBU to chose the 5 day holiday with my friends over the wedding?? I'm upset to miss wedding but I'll be devastated to miss holiday (all paid and non refundable) with best friends. My partner is really angry that I want to go on holiday .

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 25/01/2024 06:43

I can see why he’s upset, but he also didn’t write it on the calendar but did you not even consider the wedding was around then? I’d just go on the holiday as I have some best friends from school and I adore them and we have so much fun. But there will be repercussions, but I wouldn’t care if you don’t have much of a relationship anyway. Your husband and kids will go so that’s fine. Just say you can’t afford to lose the money

wasanneofcleves · 25/01/2024 06:49

Definitely go on holiday! It sounds fabulous! Have a wonderful time! ☀️

Plumtop11 · 25/01/2024 06:49

I'd go on the holiday.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 25/01/2024 06:53

ACatNamedVirtue · 24/01/2024 20:25

No way I would cancel a holiday celebrating a milestone birthday with best friends, for the wedding of a family member of my partner who I barely know or see.

Enjoy your holiday OP, it sounds lovely!

Same here. And I wouldn't be willing to lose the money on the holiday either. Am sure your partner can go on the holiday on his own.

DressDilemma · 25/01/2024 06:53

Talk to the hotel and airlines and see if they allow for a change in date. Nothing is set in stone as I have realised after needing to change a couple of non refundable non changeable holidays. It doesn't have to be one of r the other. I'm wouldn't ever miss a family wedding unless there was an emergency.

Namechangeforthis88 · 25/01/2024 06:56

If you think the wedding is going to be a dejected affair with everyone looking sad saying "if only the bride's SIL was here we'd be having a great time" you're mistaken.

The only person it will make any difference to is your DP and he screwed himself here by assuming you would take care of his tedious life admin, so he can take a lesson from that.

OhCobblers · 25/01/2024 07:00

4 of you celebrating a milestone event in your lives after being friends for 35 years

VS

wedding of family member you are not close to and a family you aren't close to, and see infrequently??

It's a no brainer for me.

Go on holiday.

I LOVE weddings but have never bought into the idea that (extended) family is EVERYTHING and that anything else comes second.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/01/2024 07:02

Holiday
holiday
holiday!!!!

have a great time! X

Dotty87 · 25/01/2024 07:06

Definitely go on the holiday, you ran the dates past your partner so he had chance to check.

You're not close to your SIL, he's still going with the kids so they'll be there for the wedding.

How many more chances will you get to spend this time with your friends, and for a milestone birthday.

therainneverbotheredmeanyway · 25/01/2024 07:14

Holiday without a doubt. If you were close you would have remembered the wedding as soon as the month/date for the holiday was mentioned.

Your dh should have put it in the calendar. The save the date was sent to him, and he had to text when reminded about your holiday.

But a nice present, send a lovely card and enjoy your holiday.

JurassicParkaha · 25/01/2024 07:23

Go on the holiday! Your DH is attending the wedding, and it's entirely his fault for not reminding you of the dates. Don't penalise yourself or your friends. It's a wedding - they're going to get married regardless of whether you're there or not. Don't lose money and give up something you're looking forward to for it. You're 50, you don't have to waste more time making other people happy at your expense.

SD1978 · 25/01/2024 07:29

Holiday. You never RSVP'd to the wedding, your partner and kids are going, and you have a prior engagement. Enjoy the birthday celebrations!

Alainlechat · 25/01/2024 07:32

Where is the holiday OP? As ridiculous as it sounds I would try to fly back for the wedding. I think the wedding trumps the holiday as it was already known about, albeit forgotten.

SD1978 · 25/01/2024 07:33

And when you ran the dates by him, and he said all good- he didn't remember or check the wedding- so bollocks to him being upset you 'failed' at wife work/ life admin. He agreed the weekend was fine so being an arsey git now doesn't fly for me.....

perfectcolourfound · 25/01/2024 08:16

Your OH has no right to be angry at you. It was him who received the Save the Date and didn't note it down. OK he forwarded it on to you - but why was it your job to write it down? It's his sister so if anything you'd think he'd be more invested. Then you ran the holiday dates past him and he was fine with it. So he has no right to be angry.

However, SIL will probably feel hurt. The whoile point of 'save the dates' is to save the date. The fact you and DH both didn't bother will I imagine be quite hurtful to her.

Hopefully you can both explain and apologise about the cock-up with the save the date and she will understand. I know I would.

jay55 · 25/01/2024 08:21

Is it a first wedding?

Either way the holiday, your husband can go to the wedding and you've sorted the kids. And if it was tight on numbers your SIL gets to invite an extra friend.

Windymcwindyson · 25/01/2024 08:22

If dh is such the family man he can take the dc with him. Then sil has her blood relatives there.. And you spend the time with the people who bring you joy... Your friends...

Windymcwindyson · 25/01/2024 08:23

Tell dh he can pay for you photoshopped into the photos. Or if there is time order a cardboard life size cutout...

SamW98 · 25/01/2024 08:42

Bored at a wedding of someone you’re not close to who will barely notice if you’re there or not
vs
fun child free break in the sun with your closest friends

There’s nothing to think about. Absolute no brainer. Get the passport ready and enjoy your holiday ☀️

TeeBee · 25/01/2024 08:52

Go on the holiday. I can't imagine the SIL will give two hoots whether you are there so long as her brother attends. Your partner will just have to suck it up considering he didn't put the wedding in the calendar either.

Avacardo2023 · 25/01/2024 09:11

Call me cynical but your DP is probably only up in arms about you not going to this wedding as it means getting two kids ready and looking smart and to the venue on time, and then parenting them until they are collected (which was kindly arranged by you). Rather than doing what he would probably do on the day of the wedding if you were there, which is take a 3 hour shit, mess around on his phone all morning and arrive at the front door when it's time to leave, moaning that nobody is ready yet.

He's hardly that bothered about weddings if he hasn't even bothered to have a wedding himself in 13 years!

Enjoy your holiday OP!

Dotty87 · 25/01/2024 09:58

Avacardo2023 · 25/01/2024 09:11

Call me cynical but your DP is probably only up in arms about you not going to this wedding as it means getting two kids ready and looking smart and to the venue on time, and then parenting them until they are collected (which was kindly arranged by you). Rather than doing what he would probably do on the day of the wedding if you were there, which is take a 3 hour shit, mess around on his phone all morning and arrive at the front door when it's time to leave, moaning that nobody is ready yet.

He's hardly that bothered about weddings if he hasn't even bothered to have a wedding himself in 13 years!

Enjoy your holiday OP!

This is exactly what I thought too.

I doubt the sister in law will be that bothered you're not there, you have a good reason for not being available so doubt anyone will be offended.

Brandyb · 25/01/2024 13:14

@Tourmalines · Yesterday 22:55

You knew about the wedding but you Conveniently forgot it . I bet if one of your friends sent a save the date you would have saved it . And it don’t matter if it was sent in a group. You were told . You did this on purpose. You are unreasonable

How very mean, point-scoring and ungenerous you sound! The op made an honest mistake. Let's all have a little generosity of spirit?
She could even take the happy couple out for dinner after the wedding she missed, if so inclined, and if they aren't fellow suspicious grudge-keepers.
But go on that holiday!

AnneElliott · 25/01/2024 13:41

If you ran the date past him first then he's being cheeky moaning at you now! I'd probably go on the holiday if non refundable.

AnneElliott · 25/01/2024 13:59

Avacardo2023 · 25/01/2024 09:11

Call me cynical but your DP is probably only up in arms about you not going to this wedding as it means getting two kids ready and looking smart and to the venue on time, and then parenting them until they are collected (which was kindly arranged by you). Rather than doing what he would probably do on the day of the wedding if you were there, which is take a 3 hour shit, mess around on his phone all morning and arrive at the front door when it's time to leave, moaning that nobody is ready yet.

He's hardly that bothered about weddings if he hasn't even bothered to have a wedding himself in 13 years!

Enjoy your holiday OP!

Ha ha - this definitely reminds me of my H!!

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