January 2024 - Well we took you to Stately Homes

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Welcome to the Stately Homes Thread.

This is a long running thread which was originally started up by 'pages' back in December 2007)

So this thread originates from that thread and has become a safe haven for Adult children of abusive families.

The title refers to an original poster's family who claimed they could not have been abusive as they had taken her to plenty of Stately Homes during her childhood!

One thing you will never hear on this thread is that your abuse or experience was not that bad. You will never have your feelings minimised the way they were when you were a child, or now that you are an adult. To coin the phrase of a much respected past poster Ally90;

'Nobody can judge how sad your childhood made you, even if you wrote a novel on it, only you know that. I can well imagine any of us saying some of the seemingly trivial things our parents/ siblings did to us to many of our real life acquaintances and them not understanding why we were upset/ angry/ hurt etc. And that is why this thread is here. It's a safe place to vent our true feelings, validate our childhood/ lifetime experiences of being hurt/ angry etc by our parents behaviour and to get support for dealing with family in the here and now.'

Most new posters generally start off their posts by saying; but it wasn't that bad for me or my experience wasn't as awful as x,y or z's.

Some on here have been emotionally abused and/ or physically abused. Some are not sure what category (there doesn't have to be any) they fall into.

NONE of that matters. What matters is how 'YOU' felt growing up, how 'YOU' feel now and a chance to talk about how and why those childhood experiences and/ or current parental contact, has left you feeling damaged, falling apart from the inside out and stumbling around trying to find your sense of self-worth.

You might also find the following links and information useful, if you have come this far and are still not sure whether you belong here or not.

'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward.
Here are some excerpts:

"Once you get going, most toxic parents will counterattack. After all, if they had the capacity to listen, to hear, to be reasonable, to respect your feelings, and to promote your independence, they wouldn't be toxic parents. They will probably perceive your words as treacherous personal assaults. They will tend to fall back on the same tactics and defences that they have always used, only more so.

Remember, the important thing is not their reaction but your response. If you can stand fast in the face of your parents' fury, accusations, threats and guilt-peddling, you will experience your finest hour.

Here are some typical parental reactions to confrontation:

"It never happened". Parents who have used denial to avoid their own feelings of inadequacy or anxiety, will undoubtedly use it during confrontation, to promote their version of reality. They'll insist that your allegations never happened, or that you're exaggerating. They won't remember, or they will accuse you of lying.

YOUR RESPONSE: Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen".

"It was your fault." Toxic parents are almost never willing to accept responsibility for their destructive behaviour. Instead, they will blame you. They will say that you were bad, or that you were difficult. They will claim that they did the best that they could but that you always created problems for them. They will say that you drove them crazy. They will offer as proof, the fact that everybody in the family knew what a problem you were. They will offer up a laundry list of your alleged offences against them.

YOUR RESPONSE: "You can keep trying to make this my fault, but I'm not going to accept the responsibility for what you did to me, when I was a child".

"I said I was sorry what more do you want?" Some parents may acknowledge a few of the things that you say but be unwilling to do anything about it.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate your apology, but that is just a beginning. If you're truly sorry, you'll work through this with me, to make a better relationship."

"We did the best we could." Some parents will remind you of how tough they had it while you were growing up and how hard they struggled. They will say such things as "You'll never understand what I was going through," or "I did the best I could". This particular style of response will often stir up a lot of sympathy and compassion for your parents. This is understandable, but it makes it difficult for you to remain focused on what you need to say in your confrontation. The temptation is for you once again to put their needs ahead of your own. It is important that you be able to acknowledge their difficulties, without invalidating your own.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I understand that you had a hard time, and I'm sure that you didn't hurt me on purpose, but I need you to understand that the way you dealt with your problems really did hurt me"

"Look what we did for you." Many parents will attempt to counter your assertions by recalling the wonderful times you had as a child and the loving moments you and they shared. By focusing on the good things, they can avoid looking at the darker side of their behaviour. Parents will typically remind you of gifts they gave you, places they took you, sacrifices they made for you, and thoughtful things they did. They will say things like, "this is the thanks we get" or "nothing was ever enough for you."

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate those things very much, but they didn't make up for ...."

"How can you do this to me?" Some parents act like martyrs. They'll collapse into tears, wring their hands, and express shock and disbelief at your "cruelty". They will act as if your confrontation has victimized them. They will accuse you of hurting them, or disappointing them. They will complain that they don't need this, they have enough problems. They will tell you that they are not strong enough or healthy enough to take this, that the heartache will kill them. Some of their sadness will, of course, be genuine. It is sad for parents to face their own shortcomings, to realise that they have caused their children significant pain. But their sadness can also be manipulative and controlling. It is their way of using guilt to try to make you back down from the confrontation.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry you're hurt. But I'm not willing to give up on this. I've been hurting for a long time, too."

Helpful Websites

Alice Miller
Personality Disorders definition
Daughters of narcissistic mothers
Out of the FOG
You carry the cure in your own heart
Help for adult children of child abuse
Pete Walker
The Echo Society

There are also one or two less public offshoots of Stately Homes, PM AttilaTheMeerkat or toomuchtooold for details.

Some books:

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Homecoming by John Bradshaw
Will I ever be good enough? by Karyl McBride
If you had controlling parents by Dan Neuharth
When you and your mother can't be friends by Victoria Segunda
Children of the self-absorbed by Nina Brown - check reviews on this, I didn't find it useful myself.
Recovery of your inner child by Lucia Capacchione
Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nazakawa

This final quote is from smithfield posting as therealsmithfield:

"I'm sure the other posters will be along shortly to add anything they feel I have left out. I personally don't claim to be sorted but I will say my head has become a helluva lot straighter since I started posting here. You will receive a lot of wisdom but above all else the insights and advice given will 'always' be given with warmth and support"

I've also now added the post written by Escapingafter50years as detailed below:

"I've copied these links I posted in the last thread and hope they are useful to people here. In addition to therapy and the Stately Homes, I've found them really useful in getting my head around the toxic mess I grew up in".

Podcasts
Helen Villiers & Katie McKenna – incredibly informative and validating, over 70 free weekly podcasts (these, combined with seeing a therapist, have been transformative for me)
https://uk-podcasts.co.uk/podcast/in-sight-2

Videos
Dr Ramani – has been highly recommended here regularly
https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani/videos

Instagram
Useful for bite-size snippets which are supportive and help you feel you’re not alone
https://www.instagram.com/understandingthenarc/
https://www.instagram.com/patrickteahantherapy/
https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/
https://www.instagram.com/gottmaninstitute/
https://www.instagram.com/scapegoatchildrecovery/

Facebook
Peg Streep, has written a book called Daughter Detox
https://www.facebook.com/PegStreepauthor
Narcwise, like Instagram, this account has bite size snippets, often very insightful
https://www.facebook.com/narcwise

Twitter
Nate Postlethwait
https://twitter.com/nate_postlethwt
Ryan Daigler
https://twitter.com/Ryan_Daigler

Websites
Out of the Fog (lots of information & tools on this website)
https://outofthefog.website/
Mary Toolan Scapegoat Child Recovery (was recommended here, there’s a useful free e-book)
https://www.marytoolan.com/

Short-read Articles
Psychology Today “Narcissist”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/archive?search=narcissist&op=Search
Psychology Today “Narcissism”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/archive?search=narcissism&section=All

Books
I haven’t read all of these yet, but have read most and would recommend them
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward
Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward
Mothers Who Can’t Love by Susan Forward
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson (probably a good first book to read if you're not sure your parent/s is/are narcissistic)
Daughter Detox by Peg Streep
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Pulling Your Own Strings by Wayne Dyer (written a long time ago but has good strategies for dealing with people who don't treat you properly)
A couple of other books I have seen recommended by the wise AttilaTheMeerkat and are my to-read list:
Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyl McBride and
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
Amazon.co.uk

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Legacy-Reclaiming/dp/0553814826?amp%3Bascsubtag=mnforum-

Your not you're. (doh)

I have woken up today & decided yesterday was the final straw.
It was so incredibly toxic of her, & the day of dads funeral out of all days. & to then play mind games getting each of her friends to call me to tell me she needs me before eventually picking up the phone herself. Even my own 'best friend' was telling me my sister needed me.

Feeling so down and deflated today, that dads funeral was overshadowed by my own sisters poisonous personality.

I know I need to distance myself for my own health. It took my years to finally realise what she truly is. Yes she has done a lot for me, but she makes me feel like I have to earn her approval. Unless I am living life the way she seems appropriate then she's horrible to me. She must have got that trait from out father.

I said goodbye to 2 people yesterday.

Thanks for all your support, I'm going to find the nearest charity shop and buy things I don't need, then read all afternoon. DD is with her dad all weekend.

@JellyWellyBoots huge hugs. Your sister behaved incredibly badly. You are not duty bound to be at her beck and call. That degree of control she wants is not normal. It's abusive. Enjoy a peaceful afternoon with a good book. Xzz

@Jaichangecentfoisdenom that’s brilliant targeting! X

@JellyWellyBoots so sorry you’re having a hard time Jelly. It sounds like a lovely day you have planned, a peaceful start to your next chapter xx

@MonkeyfromManchester Thanks Monkey for your supportive comments, really appreciate it xx

You are my people Stately Homes - I’m often lurking, rarely commenting, but always supporting you in your horrendous experiences xx

sorry this is long but I feel so many here have experienced things like this and may be to help me.

have been nc with my narcissistic mother for years. She cut me off and accused me of all sorts of serious things after I said I would tell others how she treated me (she was physically violent and emotionally very nasty)
Anyway I have wondered over the years how she’s managed without knowing anything about me as I packed my bags and left asap. Her bullying me was a ft passtime of hers. I know she enjoyed it and she was so obsessed with ruining my life she literally used to go through my bins in my own home to find things to use to accuse me of whatever she felt like on any given day.

i was very very surprised she kept up with the nc because to drop this obsession was to drop a 30 year habit.
anyway recently I’ve come to suspect a friend has been sending my mum details of where i live, pictures I send of me and my dc and updating my mum of my life.
i know if i ask them they will most likely deny it as they are also a client of mine and have more to lose than just face.

Since I’ve had my suspicions I have said I am ill and temporarily wrapped up my small business. I am ill and the reasons are genuine but I would probably have stayed in touch with this person if it wasn’t for my suspicions. This person kept contacting me every week asking after me and I ignored them because I was sick but also because I feel like I realised they have been in contact with my mother giving her details I’d worked so hard for her never to find out ie I didn’t want her knowing where I lived so I moved far away, where my dc went to school. this person knew that.

anyway since I have ignored this person my mother gets in touch. This is after 5 years nc. I am so so upset but I have no proof this ‘friend’ has let me down. I don’t know if I’m simply paranoid given everything that has gone on but my mother made serious allegations against me and I moved away my job was affected other family members went nc. I feel it’s too much of a coincidence.

should I cut this friend off for good. Should I ask them what happening? I just don’t want this going back to feed drama with my family. I’m tired and I have chronic illnesses that are exasperated by stress. My dh says just get rid of anyone who does this to us but just say I’m ill because it’s true. It affects my dc too as they were fond of this person. I’m very down about it all and not sure what to do. Any opinions would be gladly received.

@Zebraslippers - you don't owe this "friend" anything. Drop them, block them, and concentrate on your own mental health. This person has been a "flying monkey" for your mother.

My number one rule is to stay away from toxic people.

Don't bother asking them whether they were involved with your mother. You know that whatever you say, you will be gaslighted and they will deny any involvement. You would be wasting your breath and feeding the narcissistic supply.

If you absolutely must say something, a simple message of "I'm sorry I'm unable to be in contact with you any more". But it's better to just say nothing, block, and disappear off their radar.

Don't take the bait.
Don't get sucked back into the toxicity.

Cut this person out and never look back. Any time you catch yourself thinking of the people who bring you nothing but chaos and hurt, let those thoughts pass right on through like water passing under a bridge.

Managing your chronic illness and maintaining a stress-free environment for yourself is your number one priority. Concentrate on your own happiness. Make this your entire raison d'être. That way you can live your best life and be at your best for the people you love.

Do something really nice today if you can.

Can wiser people help me understand my dad please?

I’ve been NC with him since September. Whilst I don’t want to speak to him again, a big part of me is sad that he hasn’t even tried to get in touch. I’ve got a 10yo and I’m sure I would do pretty much anything it took to get back in contact with him if we have a big argument when he’s an adult.

The background is that last summer, out of nowhere he brought up the time I ran away as a 13yo and said I had been a “silly little bitch”. He refused to apologise. When he emailed to ask about our Christmas visit, I said I wasn’t sure I wanted to after last time. 3 days later he sent me a long, nasty reply listing all my faults and then some. So I told him I want nothing more to do with him. A similar thing happened 6 years ago- I asked him for reassurance about something, he responded by being horrible.

So yes, I know I told him we’re done but how come he is so determined to be right that he looses a child? I just don’t get it.

@Moaning5
Thank you. And you're welcome. Wishing all best wishes to you.

@Zebraslippers

Aaaaaaaaagh. Why do people thrive on effing drama? It's really bad your client/friend did this. Hello? Have respect for people. FFS. Check your priorities and loyalties!

But it's really, really, REALLY hard when it's a client. Being pragmatic here…

Are you going 1) to lose a sizeable chunk of £?
2) lose an amount you can live with
or 3) Are you in a business where she could bad mouth and damage your reputation?

If 1) and 3) tread carefully, and very much keep your distance, perfectly cordial, not meeting in personal, minimal contact, and share no more personal info that gets leaked back to you mother.

If 2) BIN, using the approach @Sicario identifues.

And no matter what NO CONTACT with your mother. You don't need her in your life. She's bored and needs a toy.

I had a client who thought I ‘exaggerated The Hag MIL’ and ‘it’s Mr Monkey’s mother, not yours, so I don't understand why it's such a trauma for you.’ RIGHT-O, MS JUDGEY-PANTS. Thanks for your compassion.

Note ‘had’ is past tense. I kept my temper (LIVID!), finished a project for her, and I've said I'm full up to after-December 2024 (I'm not, I'm £-less), but I don't need the judgement and lack of empathy. I've recommended someone else, who is SHIT.

HERE AT MONKEY TOWERS…

Over the past 48 hours, I've read ALL the Stately Homes threads where I've been incredibly supported by the community of warrior women for the past four years in my dealings with my now dead incredibly nasty coercive narcissistic mother in law: The Hag, the Irish Catholic psycho.

JESUS.

I think I was imagining what she put me and Mr Monkey through (I must stop smoking so much marijuna)

GOD, SHE WAS EVIL. NO redeeming features.

In the cold light of day, she physically (A&E level) and emotionally abused her children, and Mr Monkey was the scapegoat. It was constant abuse.

MM is REALLY damaged and has CPTSD.

She froze out her husband who then died young leaving the Hag to bring up her stepson (whose mother had died when he was four in the early 60s).

She rewrote family history, so the stepson has no knowledge of his family. He is 66 and NOW knows his mother’s maiden name. In 2024.

She then, when widowed, stopped her stepson - Slave Son - from following his dream career forcing him to take on her care.

She was still capable of working - early 40s - at that point. And was working into her 70s.

The care she demanded from him, he is now very disabled, particularly, as she aged, ended any normal life he might have had: no relationships, no holidays, no social life, no adjustments that could help him. FORBIDDEN.

She was lining up Mr Monkey from 2021 onwards, so could take over as de facto husband as Slave Son was losing shelf life.

She created an absolute monster in her son, Golden Boy, but still had him on a pedestal DESPITE his own very bad physical abuse of his brother Mr Monkey when a child and his wider hideous behaviour as he grew up.

GB went onto to abuse all his partners. He groomed teenage girls.

He married a young woman and when SIL discovered he'd been watching REALLY nasty porn right before their wedding, Hag got involved (WTAF) and pushed SIL to go through with the wedding.

Hag created a economically very successful corporate sociopath of a man in GB, who was sexually, physically, emotionally abusive and coercive. He had countless affairs, used prostititutes of both genders, had a class A drug problem, walked out on his kids when they were young teenagers and never paid a penny to support them. He is then ‘confused’ that my nephews want FA to do with him.

He was out of contact with his beloved mammy then for seven years, and developed an overlapping ‘family’ with a 16 year old from a less developed country. Wife Number 2 - now 26 - looks scared of him.

Hag couldn't understand why he'd turned out like that as she was a ‘good mother’. She regularly screamed this. Dissonance.

Hag disliked her DILS (including me, most of all me) and was either two faced, manipulating away or really in your face (screaming). If she could have hit me, she would have.

She expected to move in here and have two servants and did everything in her power to try and make that happen.

She freeloaded off my family, but despised them.

That's just the half of it…the lies, the reinvention of history, the game playing..

When reading the December 2023 entries, near the end of her life was truly, truly hideous. I cannot believe what we went through late last year.

The gloves were off and her mask was binned. And it was VERY MUCH about splitting me and Mr Monkey up and having him as her full-time carer and I was factored as expendable. She was desperate to win at any cost.

It was so terrible that Mr Monkey was arriving at the point of no contact with her.

She was an absolute fucking sociopath.

My moods have fluctuated between crying and pure rage as I've read those entries.

I'm so glad the bitch is dead as of 8 February and was buried in quick lime last Weds as that brief tour of her ‘life’ is truly horrible. What did she bring to the world, but pain and suffering?

I and MM will heal. I don't hold out much hope for Slave Son to heal, but, I hope he gets some life before he dies, which will be sooner than later as his health is shit.

Thank god, I have a record of her vileness. What an utter piece of shit.

I would like to thank everyone who has helped me.

I would have left Mr Monkey as the pressure and game playing was so very horrible without the support here. It makes me cry to think of that as he's such a damaged person, who, despite all of this hell, is kindness and goodness personified.

My sincerest thanks to everyone.

We’re going to her flat this afternoon to read the meter and to shut the door on an 86 year-long VERY nasty life. That's it.

I will be here to support anyone. You are not alone.

@Zebraslippers what a fucking betrayal 😡 we spend years down playing and making excuses for others, people are so often disappointing. Trust your own instincts, whenever I get irritated by someone, I often don't know why but it is usually because they subconsciously remind me of my narc mum. I trust my instincts and they usually unmask themselves pretty quickly by lying and over explaining, the saying 'the lady doth protest too much' is a classic tell of dishonest people.
Your ex friend has been knowingly duplicitous and been caught out, this has forced your mum out into the open.
Ignore them both, they will try to make it your fault, you know it isn't.

MinnieMartin my parents as so determined to be right that they have now lost their only grandchildren , they don’t seem to care (although interest had been waning for a few years once they developed minds ) I really can’t understand it either x

@MinnieMountain you feel that way because you are a good person, your dad isn't. He brings nothing nice to your life. I sometimes think nasty parents take their own shortcomings and disappointment in life out on their kids or the scapegoat kid. It isn't fair or nice, they are twats and it is always best to avoid them xx

@MonkeyfromManchester ✊
If it's any consolation for slave son. My dad is much less stressed, less tired, all in all happier mum has gone and certainly not lonely. Slave son now has time to breathe without being harangued and judged.
What you gonna do with those COVID infested bats in the shed 😂😂

@MinnieMountain big hugs to you.

Your dad is abusive. You don't need him in your life. He will never apologise as he thinks it's totally fine to treat you like an emotional football. Why did you run away?

If there is ever an apology from an abuser, it usually comes with a ‘but you did this’ or is motivated by wanting something. I think the biggest test is this: if that was a romantic partner, would you put up with that abuse?

The nastiness to you will also be visited on your son when he grows into adulthood and develops his own opinions. If they had a relationship, your dad will think it's OK to behave like that. It isn't. You will see your child being hurt. And if will hurt you again. It's OK to say to a child: my dad wasn't very nice to me when I was growing up and I wanted better for you.

I think there's a few things connected to being a child: we are genetically programmed to want to be parented lovingly. Being abused runs contrary to that and it's really confusing. And very, very damaging. It's push-pull.

Take care of yourself. Enjoy your family as it is now xxx

@binkie163 🙌🏽 SO glad that flat door is shutting this afternoon.

Our house might be filling up today with Mr Monkey’s huge record collection (which he still had stored at her flat), but my broken ankle as I tripped up over a case is a small price to pay for her exit.

Has your dad verbalised his obvious relief? That's SO good to hear.

The Covid bats? I'm happy to sell them for 20p each to needy Stately Homers. Three for two. What are your asps going for? 🤣

I'm glad in a way that you were able to look back and reassure yourself that you weren't exaggerating your recollections. She was truly evil and as the end neared, she became worse and worse. I hope you can shut the door on all this and start to heal and move forward, and that both Mr Monkey and his brother are able to make the very best of their lives now they're free x

MM I had read your posts and wished you positive peace across the internet and I’m sorry to say I have laughed at your words describing the hag (you have a way with words) as your strength shined through your retelling of the utter evil she reaches. Many a time your words have kept me sane in the insanity of abuse and why people do it. It might not be a linear path but healing and moving forward is all yours. Like a dead spider - even when it’s withered and dead and buried you can still remember how it made you tremble and worry. I’m so much stronger and I realise that NC for a year or even longer really is just them being spiteful and ridiculous - absolutely ridiculous- I’m not abusive they are. I’m not the issue they are.

Reading this thread has helped me to understand my husband's family, too, as well as my own abusive sisters.

Most of DH's family are lovely people but he has one sister who has been a nightmare for years.

We're NC with her now, but I used to wonder why her adult children, and her H would phone and text me. I understand now. But I always found it weird.

@Parentalalienation thank you. It was horrific. All those years of bitterness and here. I now realise that she hated me from day one, but hid it, although I got a vibe. I think if her nastiness had set in earlier in mine and Mr Monkey’s relationship I would have left him. He's a beautiful man who’s never had much confidence around women and she would have swooped in and continued to make his life hell: no holidays, no university aged 38, no interesting job, no nice house, just unrelenting shit. The last few years were AWFUL. And thank you for your support. Xxx

@IAAP Thank you. She was so, so, SO ridiculous sometimes that it was just laughable. She will, weirdly, leave a hole as she has been all consuming through her evil. I'm going to enjoy my life going back to normal. I'm so glad I went practically NC as there was no coming back from the shit she dealt to me. She thought, because she dealt that out to her long dead husband (months if sending him to Coventry), beating her kids black and blue that she could do that to me. She died bitter and twisted and estranged.

I'm so glad you’re moving on from your very abusive parents. THEY are the issue, NOT YOU. WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS TO KIDS?, !. Your dad had lined up the next generation in your son, which is truly awful. The road to recovery is not easy and has bumps. You'll get through this and time is on YOUR side and you have great kids and friends. GOOD NEWS!

Just back from the scuzzy flat. Ripped and dirty carpets. Bathroom smells - Mr Monkey found a bucket of used incontinence pads and hideous underwear in the bathroom FFS. 🤮 She needed better support - that’s ageing - but she refused care as she had designs on MM doing full-time care, living in her spare room and 24/7 available for abuse. This is after she realised that Hotel Hag was not an option. And that Slave Son was getting frail. The level of self-serving cynicism!!!

But it is done now. We did the last of the clear out this PM; the door is locked, keys going back to the council on Monday and DONE. I shed a tear because she made her life shit very deliberately and tried to do that to MM and I. I feel MM’s sadness, but he is not guilty. 🙏 It will be hard coming out of this, but we will.

Lovely break in Wales planned for Easter. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Thank you both for your support. ❤️❤️❤️

@TheShellBeach game playing, pure and simple. Their hobby!

Thank you @binkie163 and @MonkeyfromManchester . I suppose it can be as simple as “because he is abusive”. DS doesn’t miss him as Dad didn’t interact with him much, but I have made it clear that I will facilitate a relationship if DS wants.

I ran to Mum’s (they were divorced and it was the school holidays) as I’d had to occupy my 4yo half sibling for the 45 minute car journey to the beach and was then expected to look after him whilst my dad and older sibling organised the beach things. Clearly I didn’t feel able to say to Dad that I’d had enough.

I’m sorry that has happened to you too @Shortbread49. It’s unfathomable isn’t it?

@MinnieMountain how old is your son? I think you're being really fair. I guess the only things to think about is will your dad be so critical of your son? You don't need to have a conversation with your dad about why you've had enough. Often that opens a can of worms as they won't take responsibility or blame you. It's exhausting!

Laughing as Slave Son said to Mr Monkey this morning that he thought Golden Boy would dip his hand in his pocket and pay for some of the Hag’s funeral. 🤣 No, of course, he didn't.

He was happy to swan around catching up with his mates at the wake (who'd all been briefed on his dickery, although I imagine they all knew) and he was disappointed that he had to go back to his hotel with his sickly five year old as “things were starting to get going.” IT’S YOUR MOTHER’S FUNERAL NOT A FUCKING CLUB NIGHT.

He's an absolute dickhead. He didn't even say hello to cousins. Complete moron. Apparently, the Man Baby has a YouTube channel of HIM PLAYING GUITAR - he's 60 - so I might invent an alter ego to comment. 🤣

@MonkeyfromManchester DS is 10. Dad has sent him birthday and Christmas money since it happened. I’ve made sure DS continues to send him thank you cards. Unfortunately DS overheard my sibling telling Dad to apologise and what for, so he doesn’t like Granddad now.