When did putting husbands down become a national sport?

[Kosenrufugirl]

I was listening to a mainstream radio station the other day when the DJ publicly reciting a mistake her husband had made recently. She invited other women to join in and a short while later she read out their stories too. I am just wondering... I wouldn't behave like this to a work colleague no matter how much I might be annoyed with their behaviour. I would most certainly not be publicly humuliated like this by anyone without taking it up to the Line Manager. It's disturbing me why this behaviour seems to be acceptable towards husbands and partners. What do others think?

Talking husbands: because there’s an imbalance of power which means all things, in this case, aren’t equal.

Women have been insulted, humiliated and mocked for centuries as a gender and made to feel very much the “lower” gender. They still are in many countries worldwide.

So men as a gender can afford to be put down a peg or two. They’re not the ones fighting to be seen and heard or taken seriously.

Love the ambiguity of the thread title.... as long as you never mean in the veterinary sense!

Occasional outbreak of petty gripes is fine

I hear a lot of it at work; phrases like ‘man child’ are becoming normal. Two wrongs don’t make a right and just because women have struggled to be heard and given their place doesn’t mean we can do it back to men. It breeds a swing back again that isn’t helpful.

I wouldn’t want my oh to do that to me, why would it be ok to do it to him, iow?

That's exactly my thoughts on MsMando post ... 2 wrongs don't make 1 right. We all want to be respected regardless of sex, this is plain good manners. I am very disturbed that this kind of talk has now moved into mainstream culture.

2003, March I think. Could be a 20 year anniversary thing you were listening to.on the radio. (To be far, it's not as long as putting down wives has been a national sport - ball and chain and her indoors and all that.)

Just out of curiosity, what had you work colleagues and line manager got to do with your husband? Or are you a husband?

No I am a married woman. Some time ago I realised I showed far less courtesy to my husband compared to my clients and work colleagues. So I made changes (which were reciprocated). I do occasionally moan about him to a girlfriend. Taking it on the national radio is a step too in my opinion

Do you think men feel put down and humiliated though? Apart from the obvious MRA cohort looking to appropriate victim status that is? Because I think this let's all laugh at men's mistakes just feeds into a helpless male narrative that a lot enjoy and benefit from.
Didn't hear the phone in, but I'd be surprised if the mistakes were genuinely belittling 'my Steve lost his company a multi million pound contract' or 'my Dave is so rubbish at his job they've replaced him with a work experience lad' anecdotes, and more those 'hilarious' tales about men who don't (apparently) know how to use the washing machine and put their children's clothes on backwards, or similar domestic minutiae that they probably think beneath them anyway.

I hear you. However I wonder how much outcry there would have been if a male presenter made a joke at the expense of his wife? Even a silly joke (for example she didn't know how to use a drill...) Double standards is what really bothers me at present.

Totally agree with you but you're on the wrong forum to make this point!

That's intersting. Which forum should I use?

Holding women to higher standards than men is misogyny.

And men have been doing this as standard for millennia.

Fathers4JustUs are always banging on about shit like this. You'd get on great with them.

A lot of people label certain things as double standards.
But that's because they just look at the outcome or the thing that happened and they leave out the entire context and in my opinion the context is very relevant.

A man criticising his wife for not being able to use a drill.....well there's a high chance that that wife is well able to do most things around the home that are required in day to day life and that she does do a lot of it, or most of it or even all of it.

A wife criticising a man for not being able to use a washing machine, there's a fairly high chance that he does literally nothing around the house that is essential in day to day life and leaves it all up to the wife.

You're not comparing like for like so it's not double standards.

I think it's high time we started doing this

Also I think a lot of the time when people make fun of husbands behaviour it's a coping mechanism, the behaviour is frustrating but they see that a lot of other husbands act that way so they put it down to men being men and that enables them to let it go for the most part.

There's a lot of men who use the 'men are useless' narrative to their advantage too, would they really be saying they didn't know how to use a washing machine if it wasn't seen as socially acceptable for grown adult men to say they don't know how to use a washing machine or other basic tasks.

Using a drill requires a specific skill and practice that, in our society it is more likely that men acquire while growing up than women do. Many men don't have that skill, though. Both men and women can learn if they have the time and inclination, so that, on the few occasions it's necessary in day to day life they will be ready. Putting dirty clothes in a basket, dirty cups in a dishwasher or closing cupboard doors are tasks that need to be done multiple times a day, require no practice and are within the capabilities of the average 4 year old....,

Sadly I agree with this. I doubt most men give two shits about this, because they don't care about being useless anyway in things they don't value

It's like the couples who say they divide the domestic work 50:50. The men take out the rubbish, put up shelves and change the oil in the car. The women do all the cooking, cleaning and child care. I often wonder what they put on all those shelves, and how they impact on the structural integrity of the house...,,

Doesn't it go back to USA "sit coms" from the 1970's?

I guess a male DJ wouldn't have a similar phone-in about daft things wives have done so maybe we have swung too far. Then again what's the proportion of male:female DJs on mainstream radio?

Yep, MN as a whole have no time for men!!!

Whenever I see a thread on here 'who is wrong' debate type ones I want to reply 'just go with whatever the man says its simpler'

there is a reason i think that on here

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming "Yep, MN as a whole have no time for men!!!"

Some other Mumsnet of which I know nothing?

Thank you to everyone who contributed. For the reference ... this particular husband of the DJ was instructed to take a pair of shoes to the charity shop. He took the wrong pair by mistake. Maybe he was rushing, maybe he didn't hear the instructions properly, maybe he never listens to the instructions. I appreciate the DJ's frustration. My point is if a colleague at work did the same, I would have found a private space to talk it over and get to the bottom of it. Am I giving too many or too unclear instructions? Is it something in my manner of giving instructions that they find objectionable and therefore choose to ignore me? Did they have other competing tasks on their time? I would also be listening very carefully to their answers to design the way forward. The last thing I would be doing is publicity humiliating my colleague. Why do some women find it difficult to afford the same level of courtesy to your life partner? (I am saying this because a few other women phoned in with their stories which were duly aired). If we are hoping to change the power dynamic between men and women, surely dirt slinging is not the route to take? This radio incident is still bothering me. What do others think?

When did putting husbands down become a national sport?

This is news to me. I had no idea. Putting wives down has been an international sport for decades, maybe even centuries. It’s about time men got included in this sport 😁