When did putting husbands down become a national sport?

[Kosenrufugirl]

I was listening to a mainstream radio station the other day when the DJ publicly reciting a mistake her husband had made recently. She invited other women to join in and a short while later she read out their stories too. I am just wondering... I wouldn't behave like this to a work colleague no matter how much I might be annoyed with their behaviour. I would most certainly not be publicly humuliated like this by anyone without taking it up to the Line Manager. It's disturbing me why this behaviour seems to be acceptable towards husbands and partners. What do others think?

I will email the radio station today and tell the presenter to have a look up this thread at Mumsnet. I don't want to publicly air her name.

I hope you don't do that.

I mean, we all know that publication on the internet is a public act.

But people might not have posted quite as they did if they had known you were thinking of supplying this as feedback to a radio station.

We’re talking about grown adults here. The “poor girl “ who didn’t know how to pump tyres is a grown woman who could have found out that information. The same for the “poor man who didn’t know” which shoes to throw out.

If an adult makes a stupid mistake it’s ok to be annoyed , it’s ok to find humour in that and re tell it as an entertaining story.
It does not mean you hate men (or women)

No one is a victim of emotional abuse in those examples and to suggest they are is absurd.

You seem hell bent on seeing men as victims for whatever reason.

Im sympathetic that you grew up with dysfunctional parents and surrounded by abuse. I do suspect that trauma is massively colouring your view of some light hearted piss taking of a spouse in the form of entertainment. You’re over thinking and over reacting.

What exactly are you so concerned about for your sons? That their partner might laughingly tell their mates about the time he put a dishwasher tablet in the washing machine?
I would hope your sons would laugh at themselves too as most people would, unless they have a massive chip on their shoulder.

I don't want to upset fellow Mumsneters. So I haven't emailed the station yet . Still, I am trying to work out the reasons why someone might object their answers being read by the station. Answers are anonymous and it's easy to change the user name. What do others think?

Eh?
It was a public radio show and you started a thread to discuss it on a public Internet site! Why are you getting the vapours about "airing her name"?

I didn't mention her name, the radio station, the day of the week or anything else. To do so on Mumsnet could be interpreted as ganging up on this DJ who was probably just trying to make her show interesting. What is puzzling me is why at least one Mumsneter doesn't want her anonymous comment looked into by the radio station?

But many on here who would defend this kind of husband baiting would be the first to complain when it's men putting their wives down. Either it's fair for both or neither.

Its very difficult to comment fairly on a broadcast no one on here but the OP seems to have heard (apologies if you said you had and I missed that) as we are relying on her interpretation as to tone. The OP is clearly predisposed to see the world moving in a direction that endangers men, so her interpretation may be skewed by that. The rest of us who didn't hear the specifics can only comment in general and contextually.
We don't know if this woman hates her husband. We do know that domestically incompetent man is a trope well used by men as well as women, and often to men's benefit.
We can also argue that even in the worst case, that this actually was a group of women trying to publicly belittle and humiliate men, in terms of harm done, it's something akin to my kitten swatting next doors rottweiler on the nose. It may smart a little for Roxy, but it doesn't mean that rottweilers need now live in fear of cats, or their owners start a campaign to protect them from oppression by felines.

I think you should leave the woman alone.

Why do you want to shame her publicly? Email her bosses and so on?

It’s highly likely she exaggerated her exasperation with her dh for comic effect. It was a relatable story for her listeners.
She may have even asked him if he minded being mentioned on air.

Keep some perspective.

So you think the thread could be interpreted as ganging up on her, but you also want to send it to her, so she will definitely see the "ganging up"?
OK 🙃

A lot of women wrote here in her defense. However as I have mentioned early in the thread the best way to change someone's behaviour is to have a heart to heart conversation. Putting her name in the public domain would just make her defensive I believe rather than reflect on situation. We can't force anyone to change their minds. However reflection is a good thing in my books. I doubt very much her husband consented to have his mistake discussed. As for her boss ... lots of Mumsnetters wrote in her defense.

I wouldn't email her boss to complain, just to make them aware of the public debate. Someone wanted to know her name I said it's not appropriate to put it on Mumsnet. I doubt very much her husband consented to have his mistake discussed in public. I would have have challenged a male DJ behaviour why can't I do it to a woman?

I see what you mean, it may well have been very light-hearted

to be fair I've asked my husband and he found it hilarious in a positive way and would not mind me making fun of him this way - so I agree that the tone is very important.

well, tone and frequency I guess

I don't think anyone says you can't. My personal view is you will look like an unhinged listener (they probably get loads of that) and she will ignore it.

Plus, you have no idea whether or not she asked her husband about using the anecdote. You can't extrapolate from your relationship and husband to everyone's. NAHALT.

I would say it's not fair on both - but I am heavily biased against humour that relies on making someone else the butt of the joke.

I don’t see why you’re so angst ridden. Email the radio station if you want, you don’t need permission from me or others on here.

Its been glossed over a bit on here but I would be seriously concerned if my teen son believed “the world is heavily skewed against men”

This is what I’d be alarmed about. You say you challenge his views but starting a thread like this plays into your son’s narrative.

I appreciate its not easy to parent teens, I’ve been there- but his views are worrying. It’s a concern if he brings his bias into a relationship with a woman when he’s older.

Teens only have to view one TikTok (for eg) which criticises women to then have their feed flooded with heavily extremist misogynistic material.
It’s indoctrination and as the only woman in your household you should be challenging the things he’s saying and finding out what’s influencing him. Your husband should be backing you up too.

You’re being ridiculous - it’s a radio show it’s already in the public domain, that’s the entire point of a radio show - for people to hear what you say.

I call bullshit on you wanting to somehow protect this woman or even that there is a debate - it’s not a real debate because no one here aside from you has even heard what she said, just your interpretation. And since you don’t want others to be able to access the same thing you claim you heard to make up their own minds and actually debate or discuss this issue your entire post is worthless as are your comments if you choose to make them to a radio show.

This entire thread and your purpose for it is pointless if you are indeed trying to change hearts and minds or get anyone to consider a different pov. Which makes me suspect this is not a post in good faith and you’ve no interest in a true discussion. Most likely you’ve completely misrepresented what was actually said so you can stand on a soap box.

You're hugely overstepping here OP. You have taken it upon yourself to draw conclusions about some unknown man's marriage, have decided not only that details of his life are being discussed without his consent and that he is being victimised by a wife that hates him, but that he needs you to charge in to save him. How very presumptuous and patronising of you!
I took this in good faith as I believed you were using it as an example to discuss what you believed to be a 'concerning trend'. Now it appears you are motivated by a desire to either rescue a random man, despite no indication he wants that from you, or to start a witch hunt against another woman. Do you know these people? Is that what this is really about?

We don't know if this woman hates her husband. We do know that domestically incompetent man is a trope well used by men as well as women, and often to men's benefit.

This is SUCH a good point. I've lost count of the number of times some man has laughingly said something like, "haha, I'm terrible at vacuuming - never do the corners. So DW always does it." or "chuckle chuckle, I'm not allowed to use the washing machine after the time I put my red football shirt in with her white underwear." Or "I know, I'm useless because I can't even boil an egg, but luckily wifey looks after me."

Thank you to everyone who contributed. The attacks are becoming a little too personal for my liking. I am leaving this thread

@JadziaD
I am probably a lot older than you but I have never come across a man who behaves in the way you describe. I know lots of husbands who do all the cooking and shopping. I have never heard aman describe his wife or partner as 'wifey'. My own sons take on greater responsibility for domestic chores. They are equal partners with their wives.
Can you direct me to any post on here or elsewhere where a man describes his wife as 'wifey'. There are lots of posters on here who describe their husbands as hubby.

Just searched for 'hubby' on here. There are thousands of references

Oh my word. "Wifey" was my sarcastic reference to where he'd usually insert a name. "Mary" "Jane" etc. As in, my example would be: ""I know, I'm useless because I can't even boil an egg, but luckily Jane looks after me."

Are you actually saying that my post must be impossible because no man would say "wifey"?

This place is so weird sometimes.

I think it's brilliant that your dh and sons are NOT like this. But I have met many many many many many many men who say that they simply "can't" do something and so their wife does it instead. Often with an annoying little "oh, aren't I a bit silly" head tilt.

And there are posts on MN all the time from women who are tearing their hair out because their husbands do so little and when challenged claim they didn't see the mess, or they didn't realise that jumpers needed a different wash cycle or that if she would just "ask" of course they would help.