When did putting husbands down become a national sport?

[Kosenrufugirl]

I was listening to a mainstream radio station the other day when the DJ publicly reciting a mistake her husband had made recently. She invited other women to join in and a short while later she read out their stories too. I am just wondering... I wouldn't behave like this to a work colleague no matter how much I might be annoyed with their behaviour. I would most certainly not be publicly humuliated like this by anyone without taking it up to the Line Manager. It's disturbing me why this behaviour seems to be acceptable towards husbands and partners. What do others think?

Gosh! :)

This is the definition of overthinking.
The DJ was just talking about something relatable on the radio with her listeners. It's her job.
And men and women have been taking the piss out of each other since at least Ancient Greek times (men do it to men, women do it to women as well). You're making something bigger than it really is.

You know when you wondered aloud if you were perhaps overthinking? You're overthinking.

When did groups of women start husband bashing? Forever. If you had a time machine you could drop into any century since language began and find a group of women slagging off their husbands, and cavewomen pulling flipping the bird behind their caveman's back as he walked out of the cave. I'm not sure if you ever spend much time with regular groups of women, but relationships tend to be high on the agenda, and relationships with men are going to be on that list.

This isn't a new phenomenon.

@SisterMichaelsHabit Amen Sister, crossposted there, you were more succinct!

Ok, but only if said wars are actually declared by women. In general, it's men who declare war, ergo they have to fight them.
It's not rocket science.

@IVFNewbie "To redress some historical equality issues, we should make women fight all the wars in the next few hundred years."

That's a good idea. I'm sure it'll happen once the historical sexism and inequality in the armed forces is ironed out.

Under no circumstances she would talk like this to a work colleague because she would be called a bully.

You see, this is where you're missing a crucial part of this issue - the average woman, by the time she's making these statements (in public, in private, whatever) has already attempted to address this issue 100000 times. The shoes example she's complaining about on radio today, is the 15th time she has asked him to do something relatively simple, THIS WEEK, and he has cocked it up. Because he just doesn't actually care and doesn't think he should have to do the task in the first place.

So you're absolutely right, you wouldn't speak to a work colleague like this. But.... when it happened the FIRST time, or perhaps the SECOND time, there would have been ac conversation. And the colleague would have been expected to improve their performance. And if they still kept stuffing it up, they would be on a performance management plan and, in time, eventually they would be fired.

But that's not what happens in too many instances int he home. So, in my case, yes, DH does something incredibly stupid and thoughtless and I find it annoying. We have a conversation. We agree what he/I will do to ensure this doesn't happen again and then... wait for it.... it doesn't happen again. So there would be no need for me to call into the radio to bitch about DH doing this thing. Again.

I'm not actually wild about these jokes either, but for a different reason. My reason is that if it's all jokey jokey, "aaah, what are men like!? hahahaha", it normalises it and makes it something that doesn't have to be addressed. And sure, you might be annoyed about tin the moment, but hey, it's all a bit of fun and you should really just chill out, have a little rant on the radio, and it's fine. hahahaha. Ick.

There’s something a little off key with your view of how a wife should behave in a marriage op.

Im not saying my relationship is perfect but you seem to be making huge efforts to replicate the relationships you see in the work place with your husband?

Maybe that’s a good thing if you were constantly belittling him in the past?

Sometimes it’s not necessary to think of a million possible reasons why a spouse makes a careless mistake that impacts you badly, and pussy foot around for fear of hurting their feelings.

Sometimes people make careless stupid mistakes because they don’t consider a task important enough to put thought or effort in.

I think the issue is that quite often men seem to struggle with what I would consider basic adult tasks. I don't have a problem with men or women who can't use a drill or parallel park. I do have a problem with men or women who can't do basic cooking, put on a wash, pay their taxes on time, put their cups in the dishwasher and their washing in the basket, or, if they don't know which pair of shoes to take to the charity shop to ask. And it almost always seems to be men who can't do these things (NAMALT, obviously) And, to be honest, NT adults who can't do these things deserve a little ridicule. And, if they are men, not to be enabled by women.

You know a man for divorced once for leaving a cup next to the sink dont you? Was that reasonable?

You seem to be missing rather large points in your hand ringing OP. Women don't want to 'be kind' " or the better person and all that shit anymore

Maybe address men and their weaponised incompetence before having a go as the long suffering wives taking the piss out of them for it.

It's an interesting point. However in my place of work we call it humility and self awareness. We are also endlessly discussing the notorious "human factor". Also I have always been very unalytical, cannot help noticing differences 😅

I've taken the liberty of quickly scrolling back and linking to 3 posts in this thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4987367-when-did-putting-husbands-down-become-a-national-sport?reply=132302066&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4987367-when-did-putting-husbands-down-become-a-national-sport?reply=132314447&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4987367-when-did-putting-husbands-down-become-a-national-sport?reply=132315626&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

The third post by @5128gap highlights the imbalance nicely:

Are men in danger of losing out from it do you think? Are they less likely to be recruited into the better paid more powerful positions in society because there's now a narrative they are inferior to women? Are they seen as second rate and incompetent in the spheres that matter? Losing their privelege to women? Becoming down trodden?

There's the imbalance. The narrative doesn't oppress men.

Yeah, they say men don't start drama.....

Actually, I think that ridiculing people who can't do basic, simple, normal adult tasks is actually probably the only way to make them start doing them. And let's be honest here, assuming we're talking about NT people, we're talking about men in 95% of cases.

Frankly, incompetent men are so incredibly unattractive. It blows my mind that these women are still married. My DH has had his moments (and in retrospect, with a DS with inattentive ADHD we've come to some realisations about DH) but he doesn't just shrug his shoulders when he fucks it up. He apologises, accepts responsibility and tries harder next time.

I agree, wouldn't fly in a professional setting. Wonder why people seem cool with it in relationships. Personally, I'd be pretty ticked if my partner did that.

I am not sure about your point of 3 threads. I only posted once, yesterday evening. By the way I have 2 sons growing up. The youngest has started talking about sexism and teachers preferring girls over boys since he was 9 years old. He hasn't stopped. Where is he getting it from? Not from our household. I think the sooner this men-women mud slinging stops the better. Saying men bashing is somehow justified based on historical imbalances in not helping the women's cause in my opinion

The youngest has started talking about sexism and teachers preferring girls over boys since he was 9 years old.

Aaah, you're one of those.... Now I understand. It's all "oh no, the boys and men of today are so hard done by.They won't be able to get jobs or just be all manly. And it's no wonder they're so unhappy."

Statistically, it is not true that teachers prefer the girls. It's also statistically true that overall, boys get away with much poorer behaviour than girls. Nonetheless, it is also statistically true that increasingly girls outperform academically.

All I care is about men and women living in harmony together. I don't think mud slinging helps towards this goal

did you read the full thread to see what I was replying to? I posted 3 links to posts within this thread to address the person i was replying to, not saying that you posted 3 threads? are you serious?

Apologies I misunderstood

Well there's early literary documentary evidence in the Iliad (8th century BC) and Aristophanes (5th century BC) and the Old Testament (3 century BC)....how far back do you wanna go?

well, there won't be any harmony if boys continue to complain that they're not prioritised, nor if men continue to weaponise incompetence to get out of doing so much of the day to day tasks that need doing at home.

My youngest has started taking about sexism since he was 9 years old. Where is he getting it from?.

The work colleague thing is ridiculous. There are loads of things I'd do with DP I wouldn't do with work colleagues. Why anyone wants their romantic relationship to be like a professional relationship just baffles me.
I guess unless they are some kind of sociopath who enjoys being the boss?

Such a great reply 👏