When did putting husbands down become a national sport?

[Kosenrufugirl]

I was listening to a mainstream radio station the other day when the DJ publicly reciting a mistake her husband had made recently. She invited other women to join in and a short while later she read out their stories too. I am just wondering... I wouldn't behave like this to a work colleague no matter how much I might be annoyed with their behaviour. I would most certainly not be publicly humuliated like this by anyone without taking it up to the Line Manager. It's disturbing me why this behaviour seems to be acceptable towards husbands and partners. What do others think?

So you moan about you dh to friends, which is exactly the same thing.

Sounds like the radio thing was a light hearted jokey thing. As many people on the thread have already stated, men would give zero fucks about this, they'd probably even agree with what was being said and find it funny.

So men want equality in some ways but not in others? Bloody cheek, they can't have it both ways you know!

My dh takes the piss out of my parking. I’m quite happy to laugh at myself and admit I’m not actually that bothered at improving it. I don’t care if my cars a bit crookedly parked in the drive.

The example here is on a par with that. I really don’t think you need to be outraged and offended on behalf of all men folk because someone’s wife is taking the piss out of him for making a dumb mistake.

No this is not at all comparable to a man dressing up a sexual assault on a woman as “a joke”

What if his mind was on catching the train and he genuinely heard "those shoes"? These mistakes do happen. I also disagree it was an anonymous comment. It's a popular radio station and lots of people must know who the husband is. Again it's not about the mistake, it's about the level of discourtisy and

Please explain to me why it is not an equal comparison? I’m obviously missing something as I can’t see anything in the thread the explains why it’s okay.

Maybe he was rushing, maybe he didn't hear the instructions properly, maybe he never listens to the instructions. I appreciate the DJ's frustration. My point is if a colleague at work did the same, I would have found a private space to talk it over and get to the bottom of it. Am I giving too many or too unclear instructions? Is it something in my manner of giving instructions that they find objectionable and therefore choose to ignore me? Did they have other competing tasks on their time? I would also be listening very carefully to their answers to design the way forward.

You have been well trained. Was it by watching your parents relationship growing up, or has your husband done a number on you? You do realise the angst above is not normal?

But it isn’t on par with that at all. He hasn't humiliated you by broadcasting to a nation his view that you are incompetent and unable to carry out this simple task.

Sounds like a light-hearted radio phone-in tbh.

I think the phrase “man child” is very helpful and being able to identify a man child more so. I am saying this as a women who wasted 3 years of my life on a man child.

The better this phenomenon is understood, the quicker we can become at identifying a man child and swiftly discarding them.

@PieAndLattes

I think you finally comment is important:

"We treat men like idiots sometimes and it’s not fair on us, or them."

If you infantilise someone then don't go complaining when they start acting like a big kid.

On your comment:

"Well, there’s your problem, isn’t it? Men have been doing it for hundreds of years and there has been absolutely no public outcry"

Believing that because of previous generations historic injustices, men today deserve to be taken down a peg or two is not about seeking equality it's about seeking revenge ".

"some men still expect women to do all the domestic labour and think they’re doing their part because they mow the lawn and take the bins out once a week"

Some women expect to stay at home and men to go to work and pay for everything. Look there are consensual gender stereotypes for both male and females and equally non consensual laziness on one side. But if you are unhappy with your husband not pulling his weight around the house pick this up with him or get a new husband- just don't seek to ridicule all men because of it.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I have been lucky my husband gave me plenty of chances to make mistakes and didn't just walk away. I cringe at my old behaviour sometimes. I am a lot happier as a wife when I treat my husband how I would want and expect to be treated. I certainly would be unhappy if my husband broadcasted one of my mistakes to family and friends, never mind to on open air

I agree with you.

I remember starting a thread a little while ago when I though that The Last Leg was out of order sexualising one of their camera men when they wouldn't have done the same if they were a woman.

Lots of people on here seemed to think that men deserved it because they had done it to women in the past.

I don't agree with that pov.

@Urcheon, I mean, yes. That is the sort of thing I experience.
I also for myself find when I have more demanding jobs, I have less when I get back. I suspect most women are capable of removing hair from the plughole when single.
Equally, there are times when both parties would need help and both parties will need help. Or even have brain farts occasionally.

Yeah he makes it quite public that I can’t park a mini in a space big enough for a double decker bus.
I have laughed with friends at dinner parties about the time dh cooked me a meal in the microwave following the oven instructions and it came out as a charred lump.

I don’t approach my marital relationship as if we’re in a work setting. Both of us know there is no malicious intent in making each other the butt of a joke.

Well, if my colleague or friend did these two things in a quick succession:
-take my favourite boots to a charity shop
-take my favourite, rare and expensive perfume (unboxed) and gift it to a friend for birthday

You bet I would "bully" them. I'd be hurt and angry and want to vent. I'd be suspicious that it's done intentionally (can anyone really be THIS stupid? )
Strangely,I can't see a woman ever coming up with "mistakes" like that.
On the other hand, man is like a monkey with a grenade - imagine sharing your house with that!

I work in a highly male dominated environment (client wise) and sit and listen to the way men talk about their wives/partners/women in general all the time. Derogatory comments, objectifying, belittling and chronic misogyny are the norm, even amongst men that would appear relatively respectful when their partners are around.

Makes me sick to my stomach and Ive no question why a LOT of women have lost patience with the selfishness, lack of respect and expectation to be taken care of with no gratitude or reciprocity that many of them put up with.

There are respectful, capable, emotionally literate men out there, but I’d argue that they are the exception rather than the rule tbh.

I think in the UK, more than some other places, social expectations are very gendered. When men are know-it-alls, it is about sport and politics and those know-it-alls are very upset at criticism. For women that are know-it-alls, it is about relationships, domestic skills and family and any criticism is very offensive.
A man can be a rubbish cook and still be a decent man whereas a woman might feel undermined. That is the sexism perhaps?

The work analogy is an interesting one, because actually I have seen this at work, and not infrequently. In my last job it was a standing joke that the (male) CEO couldn't use the office equipment or correctly format a letter. Staff would openly laugh about the mistakes he made while he stood there beaming with the smug satisfaction of a man who never had to unjam the photocopier. You're right that laughing at the mistakes of a junior wouldn't be tolerated, because the power balance isn't in their favour.

To redress some historical equality issues, we should make women fight all the wars in the next few hundred years.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family.

Im ignoring your main point of the thread because, based on some of your replies, it might be wise to seek some counselling for yourself. Some of your responses/thinking processes are really not normal or healthy. The constantly questioning yourself like that, the self doubt, the lack of self confidence, needs addressing.

@IVFNewbie, you do not think women suffered in wars?

Gosh, that’s an almost astoundingly dimwitted statement. Congratulations.

So, good natured mutual jesting, then (I wouldn’t like my DP mocking my parking to friends but fair enough if you’re okay with it). Anyway, this is not what the OP is describing: ‘It wasn't a good natured jesting. She made him sound like a complete idiot on the account of one mistake. Imagine a man said the same?’

One thing I have noticed with some men that I like is

'That person is being a pain in the arse' men

'I can't say this to that person or they will sit and judge me and then I will have to spend 3 weeks worrying why they giving me a look and I need to find out what is going on and they will start spreading rumours then where will it end' women

The first post I ever saw on mn, I don’t know how many years ago was something like ‘share your stories of stupid things your dh does’- I remember thinking wt, thinking my dh could share a crap load of stories about me but never would but then the thread was actually as many people saying the same thing and it got shut down and that’s how I found mn! (Got very sidetracked there!!)
ps I hate the term man child’ as had I not gotten married and had kids I’d have been fine staying living with my mum and brother and lying in at the weekends, having hobbies, watching tv and gaming at night etc!
pps I also realised lately I am not a good sick person and my dh is a lot more understanding than me, who used to roll eyes and call it man flu (I’ve stopped!)

@DaisyandIvy, I think this is accepted though. I recall my Danish girlfriend in the UK wondering why she had nasty looks when she said I was stoic when unwell.
In contrast, we sometimes pretend it is the woman who cooked.
Ideally, the pretending would not be necessary, it is a product of a sexist society.