When did putting husbands down become a national sport?

[Kosenrufugirl]

I was listening to a mainstream radio station the other day when the DJ publicly reciting a mistake her husband had made recently. She invited other women to join in and a short while later she read out their stories too. I am just wondering... I wouldn't behave like this to a work colleague no matter how much I might be annoyed with their behaviour. I would most certainly not be publicly humuliated like this by anyone without taking it up to the Line Manager. It's disturbing me why this behaviour seems to be acceptable towards husbands and partners. What do others think?

I think of the last examples I have made of weaponised incompetence.

I burnt breakfast. I really did, smoke everywhere. It was a one off and I was sorry. I was then so late back for work my wife made dinner for herself.
Had the roles been reversed and an unemployed man been furious at his wife for buring breakfast and then upset as his wife was late home to cook his dinner, we would consider him to being showing weaponised incompetence.

The other time was when a document we had from a lawyer and both had to submit on line did not go through. Again, I was in trouble, but the rejection was because of the lawyer making an error in the document. Had the roles been reversed that would not be OK.

you are often on threads like this because of your previous relationship and your feelings of bitterness but, again in this case, your examples are not relevant.

To be clear, if DH burnt breakfast and then wasn't home early enough to make dinner, no, he would not be showing weaponised incompetence.

Weaponised incompetence is when you burn breakfast, then refuse to ever try again because you are "bad" at it OR you keep burning it until eventually she stops expecting you to do it at all.

“Weaponised incompetence “ is not your wife using your incompetence as a stick to beat you with.
That sounds like an abusive relationship but it’s no basis to make sweeping assumptions about women.

By the sounds of it I think it was meant as a bit of fun. Without having heard the segment I'm supposing that the women who joined in are doing it in the same way and I'm also supposing they're mostly silly things, not serious. Those are the ones that won't get talked about in public.

Everyone in a relationship has a partner who drives them bonkers for the stupid things they do sometimes and it's usually because that individual doesn't think they're important enough.

It's just the male of the species who got called out on it this time.

Most vaguely humorous radio phone ins like this tend to have an undercurrent (as someone said upthread) of ;
“Haha eye roll but Bless them - at least the men tried to “help..they probably have more important stuff to worry about” 🤮

Both sexes Talk bad about the other when in single sex company.

@Sweden99 that's not weaponised incompetence. Unless you have missed out huge chunks in your examples.

@Kosenrufugirl if your 9yr old is complaining of sexism at such a young age I would be worried. Is he learning from online stuff with his peers? Check his browser history and see what he is reading.

However in my place of work we call it humility and self awareness. We are also endlessly discussing the notorious "human factor".
Oh dear God.... endlessly discussing? It doesn't matter if your thread point is valid or not, you are too far gone to have a proper discussion with. Seriously, seek proper counselling - dysfunctional childhood, massively overthinking to the detriment of self, ds heading into tate territory, endlessly navel gazing at work, none of this is good or healthy. Your replies are getting more concerning so I’m out from this thread. I wish you well.

I would say I have done well despite my dysfunctional childhood. Long and happy marriage, successful and well paid career, 2 well adjusted teenagers. If we are "endlessly discussing" human factor and our feelings at work it's because I work in a high pressure environment and we need to function as a team, men and women together with the same goal and values. We need to be sensitive to each other to perform well

"Being sensitive to each other" is not the same as "deferring to mens superior authority". Your posts seem to suggest the latter and that romantic relationships should have a "boss/subordinate" element.

Seriously. The surrendered wife thing is your choice but it's not a healthy template for relationships.

Aren't washing machines and most appliances man made?

According to MN posters, it is fine to moan to your girlfriends, sister and mother about your husband but he is not allowed to ever talk to anyone about his wife or girlfriend.
There was a very young poster on here recently and she was shocked by the sexist attitude towards men. I suspect a significant proportion of MN is made up of women in their forties and above who seem to think slagging off men is their right ( also slagging off in laws). I hope younger posters are not as sexist.

When?

Er, the dawn of time?

Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because misogyny exists doesn't make misandry (which I see a LOT of on MN) OK.

Wow. It seems we have a Sherlock Holmes in our hands! Someone has deduced that a site called Mumsnet is mostly comprised of women in their forties.

Hold the front page…

Misogyny is a term that describes acti9ns reflecting the ingrained prejudice against women in society. There is no such ingrained prejudice against men, therefore there is no such thing as misandry.
Fed up of men colonising womens issues and pretending they suffer the same things, just to shut us up. Just stop it.

I never intentionally implied a relationship between a wife and a husband should resemble a boss/subordinate dynamic. I am calling for the same courtesy towards husbands as one would afford a girlfriend or a work colleague. At least in the public domain

Moaning about your husband (or in laws) on Mumsnet is not “slagging off men” it’s slagging off your husband (or in laws).

Moaning about a man’s behaviour is not sexism.

Fair enough if you want to pull up some unfair generalisations but making sweeping statements about every poster on mumsnet is the definition of prejudice.

Let's look at the broader social context:
(I don't feel like writing a whole novel, so I'm going to generalise what I'm saying. Obviously there are plenty of exceptions).

For the first time in centuries, women are now able to have a voice, an opinion, and not worry about being left in financial ruin and rejected from society because they speak their minds.
For the first time ever, women can choose to be or not be in a relationship, leave a partner if the relationship doesn't meet their needs, etc.

We know that statistically, there have never been more single adults than in this generation. We also know that it's mostly the men who are involuntarily single, while these women are mostly happy with their single status.
What that tells us is that right now, women don't need a husband or partner anymore. And many of them are choosing to be single rather than put up with someone who isn't contributing to her life in a positive way.

We also have a generation of men who is still being raised by previous generations, which means they are not being tought the necessary skills to keep up with the expectations of current day women (meaning emotional coping skills, basic communication skills, equal partnership in the household and raising children, pro-active approach to their role in the household, ...)

Does that mean bashing husbands is a good idea? Of course not. But for a long time, women have not had the liberty to leave abusive or useless husbands. Complaining, venting to other women, supporting each other, has been the only control women have had over their lives and their destinies.
Finally, the imbalance of power is shifting, slowly but surely. But a lot of women still feel powerless, stuck in their relationships, judged by society (older generations mostly) for wanting a decent partner who invests as much in the relationship as she does. And when someone feels stuck, their only way to cope is to complain.

What we need to do, is to keep teaching our daughters that they don't need to justify why they choose to be single or to leave an unfulfilling relationship. We need to give girls a sense of control over their lives. Then, maybe they will stop complaining and just act.

But that takes time.

If I lent my best friend a pair of shoes and she gave them to a charity shop, I'd definitely be telling everyone that funny story! I'd even tell a radio phone in

I think there is a difference between some banter and genuinely being rude to the other person

I sometimes poke fun at my husband, he pokes fun at me but never over genuinely hurtful things OR in a way that intends to be hurtful

when these "jokes" become a way to vent one's frustration then it's just that - an asshole venting frustration about their partner. Gender is irrelevant.

I really love it when people who feel "better than" come onto forums to start bitching about womens complaints about men. It obviously bothered op and triggered her high and mighty attitude so much that she decided to take time out of looking down her nose at other women to come onto a forum of WOMEN - many of whom spend their time on here posting about cheating husbands, DV, misognistic behaviour and doing the entire share of the housework and child rearing - and post about how bitching about those poor men is turning into a "national sport".

Another national sport I despise is people who have never experienced all of the above like to take the apparent "high ground" whilst informing everyone about their perfectly adjusted children, successful career and long and happy marriage.

I agree that two wrongs do not make a right, but I also think that y'know what? Save it for the red pill forums please, they are out there and i'm sure they would welcome you with open arms.

Alternatively OP, perhaps you could EDUCATE yourself about the power imbalance between our genders historically...and in present day, before you decide that someone joking about THEIR husband on the radio is so utterly offensive to you that you have to come here bleating about it. It is a shame that you don't spend your time bleating about the things women go through at the hands of men.... but then again what would you know about any of that? Your life is perfect so I sincerely for the sake of your ego hope it stays that way. God only knows what the neighbours would say otherwise huh!

@JadziaD, thanks for your mail.
I am sorry to hear how I come across and thanks for telling me. I certainly am not abused, but I do think it is not reasonable to expect women to be super human. And there is an assumption on Mumsnet that women being falliable cannot be conceded. Many people are trying their best and falling short, both men and women.
I would say I do not experience the relationships many on here report, of both working then I come home and life revolves around me. I am not sure I have friends who do either and quite right so.

Those younger posters will mostly turn into those older posters. It's called menopause where that little fuzzy filter we see men through vanishes. We get that filter to make sure the human race continues.

I didn't mean to come across preaching from the high ground. Someone was making a dig about my dysfunctional childhood. Dysfunctional it was with domestic violence, substance abuse and poverty. I was lucky to have met my husband who had the patient of a saint to stay with me and help me grow into a better human being. I now have 2 sons growing up. I want them to grow into the world as it should be, not the world as it is (I stole this phrase from someone famous).

Everyone makes mistakes but when that becomes a pattern of ‘I’ll do it badly so I won’t be expected to do it all’ behaviour, that needs calling out.