Am I the other woman? Is this an affair?

[shackies]

Hello. I won’t waste time here, I’ll get straight into it.

In November, one of my old friends and I had a one night stand. It was the best sex I have ever had. So passionate and adventurous. However, he is married and I am separated.

Yes I know, it’s terrible. We went to school together and have known each other since we were 12. We reconnected around 15 months ago and have chatted on and off since.

We had flirted a bit online before he came to my house and we had sex. This has only happened once. Since then, we have spoken on and off. I have tried to cut contact with him a couple of times but we always start talking again. He would usually initiate it.

Recently, I told him I was finding the whole situation difficult and he agreed it was. We both also agreed that the whole no contact thing was something we both sucked at.

Over the past few days, communication has really ramped up. We speak from morning until bedtime and throughout the day. Lots of flirting, but nothing particularly romantic. We talk about our days and have general chit chat too. He likes to know what I am doing, watches my posts on social media, asks for pictures of me and asks about men pursuing me.

I know I have been naive, or just buried my head perhaps. This is beginning to feel like it’s developing.

If you were his wife, would you consider this an affair? How would you recommend I move forward here? Thanks.

Huh? He's married and you had sex with him? If it was a one-off then I'd say cheating, but given you're still in contact and flirting, then yes I'd say it's bordering on an affair as no doubt it'll happen again

Couldn't put it better than this. His poor wife.

You don’t want this man. He’s a cheat and even if he left his wife tomorrow you could never trust him. block and move on.

Wise up, OP. Don’t pretend to be so naive. Own this.

Also, I think you’ve made a poor choice. This substandard man is not only prepared to treat his wife like shit, he’s starting to show controlling tendencies.

He likes to know what I am doing, watches my posts on social media, asks for pictures of me and asks about men pursuing me.

Of course its an affair and yes, you are the other woman.

As for the "we both suck at no contact"- no you don't, you don't suck at it- blocking someone takes a tap of a finger. You just don't want to because you fancy him. At least have the courage to own what you are doing rather than making out like you cant help it. You absolutely can and this is an active choice you are making to have an affair with someone who is married.

Do we think there's much chance that the bloke is on a forum right now, asking for advice on whether his behaviour is acceptable? He doesn't care.

Cut him off now while you can still use your brain. You know this is bad.

How can the title of your OP be, 'am I the other woman?' when you immediately go on to say you are shagging a married man. What do you think it makes you? Robin Hood?

Yes it is an affair and you at the one at the disadvantage. He will strop if you have interest from another man and do what he can to make you feel like you are the love of his life whilst he goes home each night and has sex with his wife, tells her he loves her and plays happy families. You will live a half life with this man whilst he leads a double. End it and find someone available

Yes, it is an affair. Typical example of affair and you are by all means the other woman.
If there was a script for affairs what you both are doing will be the most used affair script in the world.

Nothing naive or special there. Just one of the many affairs that happens.

Disgusting.

I hope his wife finds out. This might be the escape route she is seeking.

I really confused by the faux naivete here. He's married and you had sex. What else would it be besides an affair??

Well yes and yes Op. At least own the fact that you are knowingly inflicting harm on an innocent woman (and family??) and conniving with a sneaky betrayer.

You know it's terrible so stop doing it.

It’s all about grim and seedy op

i hope no children involved on either side but sadly i suspect there probably is

Oh goodness. What have I done. 😭

you made a mistake
thats it
many people make mistakes and especially after a divorce , by falling for a wrong un

the sooner you exit this , the sooner you get your sanity and self back

He’s the marriage wrecker here

but you have got a bit addicted to him and the longer you stay in these head fuck realtionships the more your head is fucked

save yourself

I agree with this.
You're trying to tell me all it took for him to commit a huge betrayal to his wife and possibly tear apart his family is a few messages before falling for someone so deeply he just HAD to have you?

Nah, he's done this before.

Pick me comes to mind!

By that logic, all he has done is made a mistake too. They both have the ability of decision making and self control.

You sound very easily led and weak OP

i mean even this thread for example
21.04 start a thread unsure about something that is quite patently obvious

20 mins later you are OMG OMG I have fucked up

I suspect aside from your marriage you have very little experience of men and generally someone very easily led

Yes, it is an affair, because you have slept together, and you are now carrying on talking and communicating.

Does he have DC?

He's a complete scum bag and I hope his wife finds out and he gets what he deserves.

As for yourself. Why don't you go find someone single, rather than wrecking someone else's life, causing her MH issues from being betrayed, and also wrecking his DC's lives if he has them?

How can you expect nice things to happen to you in your life, if you are destroying others lives?

He's told you his wife isn't home very often. That's not necessarily true.

If you were just chatting about your days etc and that's all it had ever been, as his wife I could get past that. But you shagged him/he you. That would be a deal breaker for me.

Stop. Or ask him to leave her. But don't jump into a relationship until you have definitive proof that he has.

Have you told one single person about this inRL OP?

You aren't his first, you won't be his last and you quite possibly aren't his only.

He's a cheat, you are an OW (don't flatter yourself by thinking you are the OW).

Cut contact, get an STI check.

My guess would be no because OP knows deep down its an affair, she just doesnt want to face the facts of what it really is.

You won't be the the first he's done this to OP- if you dig a bit deeper, you'll find many other women he's tried this routine on. I hate too say it but you really arent "special" to him- you are just the one he's using this month for entertainment. If you dump him, I guarantee he'll be on to the next one within a matter of weeks using the same tired old BS about how he and his wife don't get on and don't have sex (they do btw).

Is this a wind up ?

Wait… I can’t believe this question!
you’re asking if sex developing into an emotional relationship is an affair?! Woah… what else???? A work meeting?!