Am I the other woman? Is this an affair?

[shackies]

Hello. I won’t waste time here, I’ll get straight into it.

In November, one of my old friends and I had a one night stand. It was the best sex I have ever had. So passionate and adventurous. However, he is married and I am separated.

Yes I know, it’s terrible. We went to school together and have known each other since we were 12. We reconnected around 15 months ago and have chatted on and off since.

We had flirted a bit online before he came to my house and we had sex. This has only happened once. Since then, we have spoken on and off. I have tried to cut contact with him a couple of times but we always start talking again. He would usually initiate it.

Recently, I told him I was finding the whole situation difficult and he agreed it was. We both also agreed that the whole no contact thing was something we both sucked at.

Over the past few days, communication has really ramped up. We speak from morning until bedtime and throughout the day. Lots of flirting, but nothing particularly romantic. We talk about our days and have general chit chat too. He likes to know what I am doing, watches my posts on social media, asks for pictures of me and asks about men pursuing me.

I know I have been naive, or just buried my head perhaps. This is beginning to feel like it’s developing.

If you were his wife, would you consider this an affair? How would you recommend I move forward here? Thanks.

Op clearly wants everyone to know she has turned a married man's head.

Everyone move on, don't give it attention

Yes you’re the ow and this is an affair.
No judgment here from me but where do you see this going?
If you’re wanting a relationship with this man then please think carefully because it seems he has no issues with being unfaithful.
If you don’t want a relationship with him then you seriously need to go no contact with him and block him properly. He is married, I’m hoping for his wife’s sake that he isn’t a father as that’s even worse.
Put yourself in his wife’s shoes- how would you feel if your husband was messaging another woman all day and night, asking for pictures and sleeping with her?

Ooof, hold the replies until I get my popcorn 🍿 and a comfy seat...

Okay, carry on.

Why wouldn't it be an affair?

Is he called Michael, from Wakefield and have 4 kids?

Oooh I shagged a married man but I’m pretending to be all naive and innocent about whether it’s wrong or not

You know it’s an affair so own your behaviour. His poor wife married to a cheating arsehole with someone like sniffing round

😆

Are you on glue?

You fucked her husband. You are still in touch with him every day. He wants to keep fucking you.
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it is a fucking duck

I have zero time for women who jump into bed with married men. I don't care if it is him who broke his vows. You are complicit and are encouraging him.

Does talking about it make it more exciting?

You do know that since shagging you in November he’s been shagging his wife ( who is the only one he should be ) does that bother you?

it shows you that this man could potentially be your husband one day in the future and would think nothing of sleeping around behind your back. Is he still so attractive now? Another one who thinks this is grubby. The word was made for your situation.

You slept with someone else's husband that you've known for years but you don't know if it's an affair? How delusional are you?

I recommend that you tell him that he either leaves his wife or you never have contact again. But he won't leave his wife and you won't be able to resist replying to his messages making this or that excuse as to why he can't leave her but still has to have you.

He's a liar and a cheat OP, you know that for sure so even if you 'win' him then you've won very little. But maybe you deserve each other.

On what planet would it not be an affair.

None of us are impressed by the way, including by the faux-naive “we just can’t not talk”. FFS, grow up.

I'm struggling with the concept of 'innocent' copulation.

Do you want to be the ow, do you think its something to be proud of, I doubt you're the first . Why don't you just stop messaging him and flirting like some silly schoolgirl. How can you be messaging each other all day, don't you have jobs to go to.

I think you’re a disgrace. “Oh we suck at no contact, we’ve been talking loads lol”. Just fucking lovely.

Why would you form a relationship with someone whose actions clearly prove they are dishonest, lack integrity and whose words are meaningless? His wife is in the dark, he robs his loved ones of agency. Prioritising his want for ego kibbles and orgasms over his families need for security and commitment. He puts his loved ones at risk of STDs and ptsd (cheating can cause ptsd). He lies and sneaks like a 15 year old who’s snogging your boyfriend round the back of the bike shed.

When you know he’s a low quality specimen why are you wasting your life on him? It’s not ‘love’ or ‘meant to be’ it’s you giving him an ego boost and filing his broken soul with ego kibbles as he is incapable of bringing himself happiness. He’s a low value man.

I hope his wife is okay.

Why don't you ask his wife if she would consider it an affair? Surely she's the only one who would know.

Do you send him "pictures" as part of your sucking at the whole no contact thing?

This is nausea inducing.
Please find some self respect. I do wonder what's going on in your brain that makes you feel it's okay to go behind a woman's back with a sleezy man.
You know he has sex with his wife too, yes? How does that make you feel? Probably just before or after you!
If it wasn't you it would be someone else and you may not even be the only one.
Does it give you a thrill talking about it?
You can't save your dignity now, this is so dreadful.

He's probably got other women he talks too and shags.

If you were his wife, would you consider this an affair?

What, having sex with my husband, texting him and flirting with him all day, every day and sending him photos?

Nah, of course not…🙄

Yes you are having an affair. You are not getting swept along by all this, you are making a conscious decision every time you pick up your phone and send a flirty message to someone else's husband. I'm sure you are enjoying all the attention and excitement. But at the end of the day, do you actually want him to leave his wife for you? Think very carefully OP because once you take away all the risky excitement, you might find that you don't want him after all. And if you do end up with him, you already know he's a cheater so will you trust him? 🤷‍♀️

Well, obviously

Yes, it's an affair. Yes, you're the OW.

It's obvious you have no intention of ending contact either him.

What are you going to do next?